- Edward G. Robinson: [speaking about pop-art] I think canned tomato soup is to eat, not to frame and hang on a wall.
- Kato: [During the big fight between Batman, Robin, Green Hornet, Kato, and Colonel Gum's Henchmen, Robin punches Kato sending him to Green Hornet] It's a good thing those guys are on our side, even though they don't know it.
- Robin: [after being hit by Kato, Robin stumbles into Batman] It's a good thing those guys aren't in town every week.
- Britt Reid: [referring to Batman] Eh... what kind of a... guy is he, Bruce?
- Bruce Wayne: An enigma. I really don't know him very well, Britt. But if he tangled with Green Hornet last night, the Green Hornet would have gotten the worst of it.
- Britt Reid: Well, that would be a switch. Heh, Green Hornet usually comes out the winner.
- Bruce Wayne: That's because you have no Batman in your city.
- Edward G. Robinson: Who knows who posed for the Mona Lisa? Maybe one of the wickedest women in the world.
- [Batman and Robin continue climbing]
- Edward G. Robinson: Oh, but what a smile.
- Narrator: [the batfight ends with Kato facing off against Robin and the Green Hornet against Batman] What do we have here? A Mexican Stand-off? A dead heat? A photo finish?
- Edward G. Robinson: Bit of an art buff yourself, aren't you, Batman?
- Batman: I'm afraid that crime-fighting allows me only the luxury of collecting criminals.
- Robin: But you should see the great mugshots we've got!
- Pinky Pinkston: [referring to Gumm while adressing her dog Appricot] Is he trying to tell me that Bruce Wayne is the Green Hornet?
- Colonel Gumm: And I strongly suspect that Britt Reid is Batman!
- Robin: Holy living end.
- The Green Hornet: It looked like the end there for a minute, Boy Wonder, but there was a small niche between the gum applier and the perforating needles.
- Kato: And we are both quite flexible.
- The Green Hornet: But there wasn't enough room to use my hornet sting to blast us out until that panel was loosened.
- Robin: But how did the machine take your picture?
- The Green Hornet: No doubt an automatic-image orthicon of some kind.
- Batman: Wrong, Green Hornet. It was a high-velocity spectroscopic range reflector mini unit.
- Batman: [the Batcomputer shuts down] Don't tell me it's giving up again. There's no dual identity in a warehouse.
- Robin: I think it's blown a bat-fuse - all those noddle letters.
- Alfred: No, Master, Robin. The batcomputer is not to blame. It's Mrs. Cooper's hair dryer, sir. It short-circuited, and half the electricity in the entire establishment is off. And the telephones are out, too. I've sent for a telephone repairman and an electrician, but it may take hours.
- Batman: And so, because of a woman's vanity... a battle may be lost.
- Batman: Lost? I'm surprised at you, Batman! Many battles have been won before electricity and telephones were even invented!
- Batman: Gosh, Robin. You may be right.
- Robin: Just arrange to have the stamp collection in the Constellation room tonight, well publicized. Then there's bound to be some action. And bat-climb up Gotham Towers West will help us flex our muscles.
- [pats Batman on his shoulder]
- Robin: Chin up, old chum.
- Edward G. Robinson: [upon seeing Batman and Robin climbing up the outside of the building next to his window] There are other ways of getting into this building, you know.
- Bruce Wayne: [Final lines]
- [to Pinky Pinkston's dog]
- Bruce Wayne: Now Appricot, you were saying?
- Pinky Pinkston: [Having been talking to Apricot a lot] Bruce you nut, talking to a dog.
- [Britt, Bruce and Pinky start laughing]
- [first lines]
- Narrator: [narrating] As we last took leave of Batman & Robin, the Green Hornet had been made into a rare stamp and then thumbtacked to a wall by the corrupt Colonel Gumm. With Kato still being blocked and perforated in Gumm's shameful stamping machine, and the Dynamic Duo to follow, once they're unglued from Gumm's glue pad. For you, who've breathlessly waited and wondered, some man-hours have passed. for the caped crusaders, mere moments. As we shall see, in a moment!
- Commissioner Gordon: Bruce Wayne's the Green Hornet?
- Chief O'Hara: And Britt Reid is Batman?
- Commissioner Gordon: Incredible!
- Chief O'Hara: Unthinkable!
- Commissioner Gordon: Inconceivable! I'll call both them up at once - call them over there and face them with it.
- Pinky Pinkston: Then that's good, isn't it, Apricot? If either Britt or Bruce arrive, then Colonel Gumm was wrong. After all, Batman and Green Lantern are dead.
- Commissioner Gordon, Chief O'Hara: Are they?
- Commissioner Gordon: Oh, no, Miss Pinkston. No, they're not. I talked to Batman earlier today. He said it was a long story, and it must be. Then he asked me to publicize the international stamp exhibition this evening. He sounded very much alive.
- Chief O'Hara: And he said the Green Hornet was, too.
- Pinky Pinkston: Then there's really no use in calling either Britt or Bruce, is there, Apricot?
- Commissioner Gordon: Why not?
- Pinky Pinkston: Do you really think, gentlemen, that either Batman or the Green Hornet would admit to anything after keeping their dual identities a secret for so very long?
- Bruce Wayne: How was the convention last night?
- Britt Reid: Dull. How was the board meeting at the Wayne Foundation?
- Bruce Wayne: Dreary. If you're going to be in town for a while, maybe we could, uh, dig up some excitement.
- Britt Reid: Yeah - like old times - before we settled down into our mundane lives.
- Bruce Wayne: Like old times. We had a few laughs, didn't we, before we settled down and became such model citizens?
- Britt Reid: Yeah. Yeah, it's guys like the Green Hornet and Batman that see all the action - get all the kicks.
- Bruce Wayne: Would you trade places with them?
- Britt Reid: Well... not with Batman. I wouldn't be caught dead in that crazy cowl of his.