Barney Miller (TV Series)
Uniform Day (1980)
Hal Linden: Capt. Barney Miller
Quotes
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Det. Ron Harris : If you add it all up: the jacket, the pants, the hat, the helmet, the stick, you're talking $300 bucks
Capt. Barney Miller : It's about right
Det. Ron Harris : It's not money is the problem.
Capt. Barney Miller : Then what is the problem ?
Det. Ron Harris : I don't know. Barn, it's just with my book doing so well and other projects in the offing. Barn, I just think that I'm...
Capt. Barney Miller : Above it all
Det. Ron Harris : It's more than that... I am on the verge of a change of life
Capt. Barney Miller : Really ?
Det. Ron Harris : I am juggling a lot of things right now I think there are Investments, there is a possible movie sale for Bob. Barn, it's just hard for me to deal with these marginal duties.
Capt. Barney Miller : Alright, let me tell you something... I'm getting very tired of hearing about Bob,
Det. Ron Harris : Oh...
Capt. Barney Miller : ...and the movie sales, and the autograph parties and the gold and the investments and all the rest of the mishegas that disrupts the work of this squad
Det. Ron Harris : Mishegas, I'm afraid you got me at a little disadvantage
Capt. Barney Miller : I'm afraid you're going to make your mind what you want to be ! Cause I will tell you the truth, I can not afford a cop who dabbles in police work.
Det. Ron Harris : With all due respect Captain, just because your prospects are severely limited, I don't think you should go around projecting your frustrations on an innocent bystander.
Capt. Barney Miller : A uniform is required today, I would advise you to get a uniform today unless you have some immediate prospects for tomorrow.
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Capt. Barney Miller : Les Miserables-huh? Inspector Javert doggedly pursuing Jean Valjean all because he stole a loaf of bread .
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Capt. Barney Miller : Better notify the postal authorities
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds
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Det. Ron Harris : Do you believe that guy trying to get away with something like that ?
Capt. Barney Miller : What about the uniform ?
Det. Ron Harris : It looks damn good. The day's half over anyway
Capt. Barney Miller : Which leaves you ample time to go home and slip into something less comfortable
Det. Ron Harris : I don't have it ?
Capt. Barney Miller : You don't have it? Where is it ?
Det. Ron Harris : I don't know it must have gotten lost when I thinned out my wardrobe last year
Capt. Barney Miller : Oh really...?
Det. Ron Harris : It was a very hectic time, when they switched back to traditional Barney, it caught me completely off-guard
Capt. Barney Miller : I remember...
Det. Ron Harris : Yeah... so anyway don't worry... I'll have a uniform next time around
Capt. Barney Miller : You will have one by 6 this evening
Det. Ron Harris : Ouch... Even if I could get to the uniform place today, there are alteration's... fittings...
Capt. Barney Miller : Get one off the rack
Det. Ron Harris : I thought we knew each other
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William MacDonald : Someone will be calling to arrange for Mr. Fleischer's transfer him to federal jurisdiction. You'll be sure to let me know where they forward him?
Capt. Barney Miller : I'll keep you posted.
William MacDonald : The fun's contagious.
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Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : What did you say to him?
Capt. Barney Miller : Nothing that didn't have to be said...
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Went right for the throat, huh ?
Capt. Barney Miller : It was mutual.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Well,you want to know something that I think might have been a contributing factor ? What The uniform - I mean yours... You see Barn, you put one of these things on, it makes you feel different. It gives you a sense of power that you don't have really and you look so much like you know what you're doing, next thing you think you're really do know what you're doing, and that makes you reckless...
Capt. Barney Miller : Like now
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Good example, yeah
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Capt. Barney Miller : Can I help you ? I'm Captain Miller
William MacDonald : William McDonald's Postal Branch Supervisor I zipped right over as soon as I got your call
Capt. Barney Miller : We really appreciate that Mr. McDonald .
William MacDonald : Zipped over,its postal humor.
Capt. Barney Miller : I see.
William MacDonald : It helps us through the gloom of night
Capt. Barney Miller : More postal humor.
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Capt. Barney Miller : Sir,Just dropping off the manpower reports before I leave for the day.
Capt. Barney Miller : Fine, thank you Levitt
Officer Carl Levitt : My pleasure