Barney Miller (TV Series)

The Inventor (1980)

Dan Frazer: Dr. Matthew Kramer

Quotes 

• Dr. Matthew Kramer : I'd thought you'd possibly forgotten where you put your real tie - Just kidding, Captain.

  [Barney is wearing a bolo tie] 

• Dr. Matthew Kramer : Possibly Sergeant, Hypnosis isn't foolproof, but I think if you'll just try to relax and give me your cooperation and trust, we have an excellent chance retrieving that information your searching for.

• Dr. Matthew Kramer : Are you comfortable Sergeant - First, I'd like you to focus your attention on something in the room - spot on the wall, a light fixture, anything you wish

  [Wojo focuses on Barney's bolo tie] 

  Dr. Matthew Kramer : Keep your eye on it, but don't strain - I'm going to begin counting from 1 to 20 as I do your body is going to become more and more relaxed, by the count to 20 your eyes will have closed and you will have fallen into a very pleasant hypnotic state, one, your eyelids are getting heavy, two, even heavier, three, even heavier.

  Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : [yawns]  Wake me when he gets to the chicken part.

• Dr. Matthew Kramer : Sergeant, I want you to return with me now...

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Hyo Silver!

  Dr. Matthew Kramer : Sergeant, there is a book in front of you open to the last page do you see it - You'll begin leafing back through the book, as you do, the hours will slip away, when you have arrived at 8:45 last night ,stop and open your eyes, still in a deep hypnotic state, Begin sergeant. What time is it? - Where are you now ?- Are you going to answer it? - You have taken a call now what happens?

• Dr. Matthew Kramer : Are you driving?

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Harris is driving, I'm laughing.

  Dr. Matthew Kramer : Did something amusing occur?

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Yeah, Harris is telling me about this tie he got for Barney. I mean, he bought it as a joke. Barney turns around and likes it.

• Dr. Matthew Kramer : Alright Sergeant, now, you're going to tell me again what happened, only this time all the street noises will be hushed. The only sound you'll hear will be the voice of the man in the car.

• Dr. Matthew Kramer : If you want, we could try once more for that license number .

  Capt. Barney Miller : That's okay Wojo, I think you have already given best shot

• Dr. Matthew Kramer : Allright, now the car has driven of, what are you doing ?

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Giving pursuit .

  Dr. Matthew Kramer : Are you driving? - Still trying to think of the license number?

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : No, I'm thinking of having to talk to Barney. I'm picturing the look on his face, when I give him the report.

  Dr. Matthew Kramer : I'm afraid any further probing is going to be fruitless.

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : I mean, it's always the same thing. You know...

  [Barney reaches into his pocket for his glasses] 

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : He'll look at you over his glasses,

  [Barney sighs] 

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : give me one of his sighs. Thing is, I have been working in this squadroom for five years now, I've been a Sergeant for two, and he keeps treating me like I'm just out of the academy. - I mean, I always feel like Barney needs to talk down to my level. Make some kind of allowances for me, not like,well like Dietrich. Dietrich doesn't patronize you. He talks to you. Like you understand what he's talking about. A lot of the time, I don't, but that's just because Dietrich is a smart person. I think, Dietrich has more brains than the rest of us put together. - Getting back to Harris - ever since he wrote his book, he acts like...

  Dr. Matthew Kramer : Sergeant, I'm going to wake you in a moment, so just relax and prepare yourself. - Before I bring him out of it, are there any post-hypnotic suggestions you would like me to give?

  Det. Ron Harris : Yeah, I wanna hear him cluck.

  Dr. Matthew Kramer : Sergeant, I'm going to count to five. On the count of five, I am going to snap my finger, and you will awaken, you will recall none of this conversation, but you'll be fine in every respect...

  Capt. Barney Miller : Doctor, thank you for coming down anyway

  Dr. Matthew Kramer : If you don't mind I just want to jot down a few notes on the session right now, while it's still fresh in my mind.

• Dr. Matthew Kramer : Have a seat, just put your hands in your lap and take a few deep breaths, relax.

• Dr. Matthew Kramer : I'm a psychologist who uses hypnosis, as one tool among many.