Barney Miller (TV Series)
The Election (1976)
Hal Linden: Capt. Barney Miller
Photos
Quotes
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Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Uh... What is the latest line on Carter... 4 to 5... pass... Anything good on the Senatorial ?... Nah... Nah... forget it... Whoa... Whoa... Put six dollars on Hawaii to go Republican . Yeah, I heard a little something. My uncle's got a little schmata business in Honolulu. Yeah, that's right, good.
Capt. Barney Miller : Don't you have anything better to do with your time ?
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Nope
Capt. Barney Miller : No murders, no muggings...
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : No rip-offs, no rapes
Capt. Barney Miller : Make you lose your faith in human nature
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Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Here's your coffee .
Capt. Barney Miller : Thanks... Is it fresh ?
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : The grounds are... I can't vouch for the water.
Capt. Barney Miller : Well, what can live in your coffee ?
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Capt. Barney Miller : Woj, uh... check out these hot sheets against the APB's
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Yeah, did you vote yet Barn ?
Capt. Barney Miller : No, not yet, I got time
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Who are you going to vote for ?
Capt. Barney Miller : I going to vote for a lot of different people. One for each office of course
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : And For President ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Yeah, I'm going to vote for one of those.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Who ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Wojo, the secret ballot is one of America's most treasured possessions.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Yeah, I know, I just to find out if we dig the same guy ? I respect your opinion.
Capt. Barney Miller : Only... would you respect my opinion if we don't vote for the same guy ?
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Sure, Barn, your not going to vote for someone crazy, are you ?
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Det. Ron Harris : Okay... uh, Barney, I checked out Mr. Crippen. He's got no previous arrests, good family, responsible business man. He's got an office in Wall Street and charge accounts at all the big stores in New York
Capt. Barney Miller : Did you call Siegels ?
Det. Ron Harris : Yeah, they're pressing charges. I mean, they were very understanding until I told them about the other charge accounts
Capt. Barney Miller : Clarence Darrow, your not ?
Det. Ron Harris : Sorry Barn... By the way, he wants to vote too.
Capt. Barney Miller : Oh, that's commendable
Det. Ron Harris : Yeah, well, he was on the way to the polls till he was picked up.
Capt. Barney Miller : First things first
Det. Ron Harris : Yeah
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Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : She threw this out the window, with help written on the lid. Just missed the guy
Edna Relkie : I only did it to attract attention
Capt. Barney Miller : That will do it
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : Her husband locked her in the bathroom
Edna Relkie : Why ?
Edna Relkie : Because I told him, I had the right the vote for anybody I wanted to.
Det. Ron Harris : Democrats
Capt. Barney Miller : Limiting someone's right the vote is a Federal offense.
Edna Relkie : I certainly hope so.
Capt. Barney Miller : I going to have to a little talk with Mr... .
Edna Relkie : Relkie. R-e-l-k-i-e.Charles Kaiser Relkie. And I would like to have him arrested ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Harris, you and Dietrich. Let's find Mr. Charles Kaiser Relkie. Bring him in for questioning ? Mrs. Relkie is going to give you the details
Det. Ron Harris : Okay Barney. Mrs. Relkie you want to have a seat over here.
Edna Relkie : What would you do if someone told you, you couldn't vote?
Det. Ron Harris : Move south
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : Got any evidence tags ?
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Yeah. Here.
Capt. Barney Miller : Got any coffee left ?
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Sure. Wash your hands first ?
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Inspector Frank Luger : Good Morning
Det. Ron Harris : Hi, Inspector
Inspector Frank Luger : Hi Barney
Capt. Barney Miller : Inspector, what can we do for you ?
Inspector Frank Luger : Oh, I hear you got some security set-up over at the Greenwich Hotel for the night. Going to be some big doing going on over there.
Capt. Barney Miller : A party for local politicians, huh ?
Inspector Frank Luger : Yeah... Yeah. A little shin-dig for Jake Scofield, our next City Councilman, with a little luck.
Capt. Barney Miller : Jake Scofield. I've been reading his name in the paper. Haven't I ?
Inspector Frank Luger : Yeah... Yeah. Get this, Barney, if Scofield gets elected, guess whose got a shot at being the next full-fledged Police Commissioner of the NYPD .
Capt. Barney Miller : Okay
Inspector Frank Luger : Yeah.
Capt. Barney Miller : How 'bout that ? Scofield... Scofield. Wasn't he involved in those "Garbage pay-offs" ?
Inspector Frank Luger : That's... They haven't pinned a thing on him Barney. I've known Scofield for two years. Ever since he was Assistant Book-keeper at the Department of Sanitation, before he had a dime. You know how the newspapers jump on stuff like that, huh ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Yeah... Yeah.
Inspector Frank Luger : Sure
Crippen : Captain Miller, the polls will be closed in over an hour ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Okay, Mr Crippen ?
Inspector Frank Luger : Whose that ?
Capt. Barney Miller : That's Mr. Crippen. He was arrested for shop-lifting. Want's to vote .
Inspector Frank Luger : Whose he going to vote for ?
Capt. Barney Miller : I haven't asked ?
Inspector Frank Luger : What did he lift ?
Crippen : Captain Miller, it's my constitutional right to vote, isn't it ? Even under these circumstances.
Capt. Barney Miller : We'll see what we can do ? Wojo, take Mr. Crippen over to the polls, let him vote, then bring him back ?
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Sure, Barn.
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Inspector Frank Luger : Yeah, well, I'll see you around Barn
Capt. Barney Miller : Yeah
Inspector Frank Luger : Oh, listen, by the way, when me and Scofield make it, don't think I'm going to forget the old 1-2, uh, maybe a fresh paint job, a new drinking fountain
Capt. Barney Miller : Well, we'll keep a good thought
Inspector Frank Luger : Yeah, oh, what's the pervert's name ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Crippen
Inspector Frank Luger : Hi there, Mr. Crippen, sir. A moment, please. Might I ask you to remember the name Jacob Scofield, City Councilman, Borough of Manhattan ?
Crippen : Jacob Scofield ? I heard of that name
Inspector Frank Luger : Of course you have, sure. He's for Justice, Progress, and, uh, all that other good stuff like that, you know ?
Crippen : Oh, I'll keep that in mind
Inspector Frank Luger : That's all I can ask Mr. Crippen. Thank you, sir. I'll tell you Barney, first thing Scofield is going to do when he gets elected is get freaks like that off the streets. Hmm ? Cherchez la Femme, Barney.
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Capt. Barney Miller : Wojo not back yet ?
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : No, I guess the polls must be crowded
Capt. Barney Miller : Yeah, I want to get there myself. Uh, Mrs. Relkie, it won't be necessary to hold you. After we questioned your husband, we'll contact you
Edna Relkie : I appreciate it
Capt. Barney Miller : If you want to vote, better get a move on.
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Capt. Barney Miller : Harris and Dietrich check in yet.
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : They haven't called in yet
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Edna Relkie : Is there anything wrong with voting Republican
Capt. Barney Miller : No... not particularly
Edna Relkie : What's his name hasn't done such a bad job so far, has he ?
Capt. Barney Miller : No