Barney Miller (TV Series)
The Election (1976)
Ron Glass: Det. Ron Harris
Quotes
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Det. Ron Harris : Okay, Mr. Crippen, come on... inside
Crippen : Oh, this is all a terrible misunderstanding. I assure you, I can pay for those things
Det. Ron Harris : Then, why didn't you?
Crippen : I... I... didn't have time.
Det. Ron Harris : But you had time to shove a few things into your pocket didn't you ?
Crippen : Please don't treat me like a criminal ? I am under a doctor's care
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : What's the matter with you ?
Crippen : I'm sick
Det. Ron Harris : Shoplifting, Barney, Siegel's department store
Crippen : It was just an impulse
Det. Ron Harris : Mr. Crippen, you want to have a seat over here
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : Say, you... you wouldn't have to know a Shirley Feldman would you ? Lives over 66 Central Park West
Crippen : No
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : She wears things like this
Det. Ron Harris : Mr. Crippen, would you like to have a seat over here please. What is you address, sir ?
Crippen : 4357 Riverside Drive... Look, I really didn't mean to steal those things. I've always paid for them in the past
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : Some nice stuff
Crippen : Please, if this were to get out, it could ruin my reputation. Just let me that those things back
Det. Ron Harris : Look, I can't do that, Mr. Crippen. You see, the kind of stuff you stole can't be returned
Crippen : But, they have never been worn
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Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : You know Woj, it used to be cinch to pick the Presidential race. The guy with the longest name always won Truman over Dewey, Eisenhower over Stevenson, Roosevelt over everybody
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Nixon beats McGovern
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Yeah, he screwed up everything
Det. Ron Harris : You might say that !
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Even money
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Your a Democrat, right Harris ?
Det. Ron Harris : Man, are you kidding. You know how much I paid for this outfit ?
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Hey, hey, you know, as of the last half hour, Ford was even money.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : I thought you bet on Carter ?
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : I don't care who wins, it's the sport of it
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Det. Ron Harris : Okay... uh, Barney, I checked out Mr. Crippen. He's got no previous arrests, good family, responsible business man. He's got an office in Wall Street and charge accounts at all the big stores in New York
Capt. Barney Miller : Did you call Siegels ?
Det. Ron Harris : Yeah, they're pressing charges. I mean, they were very understanding until I told them about the other charge accounts
Capt. Barney Miller : Clarence Darrow, your not ?
Det. Ron Harris : Sorry Barn... By the way, he wants to vote too.
Capt. Barney Miller : Oh, that's commendable
Det. Ron Harris : Yeah, well, he was on the way to the polls till he was picked up.
Capt. Barney Miller : First things first
Det. Ron Harris : Yeah
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Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : She threw this out the window, with help written on the lid. Just missed the guy
Edna Relkie : I only did it to attract attention
Capt. Barney Miller : That will do it
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : Her husband locked her in the bathroom
Edna Relkie : Why ?
Edna Relkie : Because I told him, I had the right the vote for anybody I wanted to.
Det. Ron Harris : Democrats
Capt. Barney Miller : Limiting someone's right the vote is a Federal offense.
Edna Relkie : I certainly hope so.
Capt. Barney Miller : I going to have to a little talk with Mr... .
Edna Relkie : Relkie. R-e-l-k-i-e.Charles Kaiser Relkie. And I would like to have him arrested ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Harris, you and Dietrich. Let's find Mr. Charles Kaiser Relkie. Bring him in for questioning ? Mrs. Relkie is going to give you the details
Det. Ron Harris : Okay Barney. Mrs. Relkie you want to have a seat over here.
Edna Relkie : What would you do if someone told you, you couldn't vote?
Det. Ron Harris : Move south
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : Got any evidence tags ?
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Yeah. Here.
Capt. Barney Miller : Got any coffee left ?
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Sure. Wash your hands first ?
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Inspector Frank Luger : Good Morning
Det. Ron Harris : Hi, Inspector
Inspector Frank Luger : Hi Barney
Capt. Barney Miller : Inspector, what can we do for you ?
Inspector Frank Luger : Oh, I hear you got some security set-up over at the Greenwich Hotel for the night. Going to be some big doing going on over there.
Capt. Barney Miller : A party for local politicians, huh ?
Inspector Frank Luger : Yeah... Yeah. A little shin-dig for Jake Scofield, our next City Councilman, with a little luck.
Capt. Barney Miller : Jake Scofield. I've been reading his name in the paper. Haven't I ?
Inspector Frank Luger : Yeah... Yeah. Get this, Barney, if Scofield gets elected, guess whose got a shot at being the next full-fledged Police Commissioner of the NYPD .
Capt. Barney Miller : Okay
Inspector Frank Luger : Yeah.
Capt. Barney Miller : How 'bout that ? Scofield... Scofield. Wasn't he involved in those "Garbage pay-offs" ?
Inspector Frank Luger : That's... They haven't pinned a thing on him Barney. I've known Scofield for two years. Ever since he was Assistant Book-keeper at the Department of Sanitation, before he had a dime. You know how the newspapers jump on stuff like that, huh ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Yeah... Yeah.
Inspector Frank Luger : Sure
Crippen : Captain Miller, the polls will be closed in over an hour ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Okay, Mr Crippen ?
Inspector Frank Luger : Whose that ?
Capt. Barney Miller : That's Mr. Crippen. He was arrested for shop-lifting. Want's to vote .
Inspector Frank Luger : Whose he going to vote for ?
Capt. Barney Miller : I haven't asked ?
Inspector Frank Luger : What did he lift ?
Crippen : Captain Miller, it's my constitutional right to vote, isn't it ? Even under these circumstances.
Capt. Barney Miller : We'll see what we can do ? Wojo, take Mr. Crippen over to the polls, let him vote, then bring him back ?
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Sure, Barn.