- Professor Henry McDowell: [arrested while conducting research for a book on profanity] I'm not a pervert. I'm a scholar.
- Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: There's no reason why you can't be both.
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: [irritated, but holding his temper] Go ahead and take a seat.
- Harold Adelman: [a little cynical] Are we required to?
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: If you want to sit down, yeah.
- Professor Henry McDowell: It's really a shame. I've never found an obscene word starting with 'Z'
- Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: Zelda.
- [everyone looks at him questioning his reply]
- Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: I guess you had to be there.