- Oz: You know the reason I left this country in the first place, divvn't you, eh? I'll tell you. In a word, Margaret bloody Thatcher, that's why. Because I'd had it, I was up to there with what she'd created. Bloody wasteland. Desolate. Nae joy, nae hope, nae nowt. Where kids get to 21 and have never done a day's work in their life. Honest men have to go out thieving to feed their families. Young bairns can buy heroin in the bike sheds at school. Oh, dear. But I thought, "Nah, nah, nah. It's got to be getting better. It cannae be as bad as what it was, can it?" I was willing to give you lot the benefit of the doubt on this one, you know. But no, no, no. What happens? What happens is I've been back on my native soil for fourteen minutes, and I'm subjected to this act of fascist intimidation! 'Cos that's what it is, you know! That's what it is, and I'll be writing to my MP about this!
- Customs Officer: Spread.
- [Oz, naked, faces the wall and complies. The customs officer puts on a glove and prepares to reach up the rear end]
- Oz: What do you think you're going to find up there, eh? A new striker for Newcastle United?
- Barry Taylor: [On British Basketball] Always seemed strange to me, all those seven foot American Negroes playing for Milton Keynes.
- Mr. Galloway: Move it you two! I want this done by nightfall, even if it takes til tomorrow morning!
- "Oz" Ozbourne (Nail, Jimmy): You know the reason I left this country in the first place, I'll tell you, in a word, Margaret bloody Thatcher, that's why. I'd had it. I was up to there with what she created. Bloody wasteland. No joy, no hope., no nowt. Where kids get to 21 and have never done a day's work in their life. Honest men have to go out thieving to feed their families. Young bairns can buy heroin in the bike sheds at school. Oh dear. But I thought nah, nah, nah, it's got to be getting better. It can't be as bad as it was, can it? I was willing to give you lot the benefit of the doubt on this one, you know. But no, no, no, what happens? What happens is, I've been back on my native soil for 14 minutes, and I'm subjected to this act of fascist intimidation! Cos that's what it is, you know! That's what it is, and I'll be writing to my MP about this!
- Barry Taylor: It's a nightmare. I said to Hazel, that was back in January, "Haz", I said, "By the time your wedding day comes around, the home of your dreams will be ready and waiting for you." If it isn't... I don't think she'll marry me.
- Trevor: You know, a place this size could house about eight homeless families.
- Barry Taylor: Oh don't give me any of your militant claptrap, Trevor. I sweated blood to buy this place.
- Trevor: Oh aye, The Falklands.
- Barry Taylor: Not just The Falklands, thank you, I was in Germany before that. Yeah we roughed it, we did. Dusseldorf in January's no picnic, I can tell you, mate. Here,
- [Finds photo of him and the lads]
- Barry Taylor: Ahhh here we are, look at this.
- Trevor: Desperate looking bunch.
- Barry Taylor: Do you mind? Salt of the earth, these lads. We were known as The Magnificent Seven.
- Trevor: What, throughout Germany?
- Barry Taylor: No, in our hut, amongst ourselves like, aye. Yes. There's Bomber, strong as an ox, gentle as a kitten. Wayne, oohh, no fraulein was safe from Bavaria to The Baltic with this one, mate. That's uh, that's Dennis. He was our anchor, Trev. And uh, yes, that's Neville next to me, bit of a worrier, Nev, he'd give you the shirt off his back. Come to think of it, I think this is his shirt actually.
- Trevor: Who's that mad looking maniac there?
- Barry Taylor: Oz. He was in The Falklands with me. First person to be thrown off the island since we saw the Argies off. Aye. Last one's Moxey. He was an arsonist from Kirby. Ah happy days.
- Trevor: How long is it since you've seen these mates of yours, then?
- Barry Taylor: Day we took the picture.
- Trevor: [Sarcastically] So you're really close.
- Barry Taylor: 'Ere, 'ere 'ere, oi. It's not like that, friendship forged in adversity, it's, that's there for life, that is. Look, each one of us knows, that if the chips were down, if we're in dire straights, like, all we'd have to do is send out an SOS and the others would down tools and come running.
- [Barry falls through the floor]
- Barry Taylor: Oh, bloody hell!
- Trevor: I'll tell you something. If you ever wanna get this place finished, you better look your mates up again.