Auf Wiedersehen, Pet (TV Series)

No Sex Please, We're Brickies (1986)

Jimmy Nail: Oz Osborne

Photos 

Quotes 

• Oz : I was just saying to Barry there, owning a wife's very similar to owning a dog. It's just a pity one license costs a hell of a lot more than the other.

• Wayne Norris : Look. Here, look. 800 quid and they ain't even bloody cleaned it, eh.

  Oz Osborne : Ha, they probably been out joyriding in in it, man. Did you check the clock before you give 'em it?

  Wayne Norris : No, I didn't think of that.

  Oz Osborne : [laughs]  I'll come in with you, I'll tell him I'm your legal advisor. If I get any beef, I'll nut him.

• Wayne Norris : Well I declare, as they say in the trade.

  Oz Osborne : Can you believe it? It's ironic, really, isn't it when you think about it. If he hadn't have nabbed your car, I wouldn't have knobbed his wife.

  Wayne Norris : It's poetic justice, that's what I call it. Here, talking of justice, right, you keep dogeye, because I wanna check out who shopped me.

  Oz Osborne : [Wayne is looking through paperwork]  Owt there?

  Wayne Norris : Hold on. A letter, oh yeah, here we go

  [Reads from letter] 

  Wayne Norris : Dear Sir, Acting on information received from a Mr Arthur Pringle of the Barley Mow Inn, eh.

  Oz Osborne : Ohh, Pringle, I mighta known it'd be that ol' bastard.

• Wayne Norris : Hello, hello. Only 3 hours Oz? I thought you said you werem't a speed freak.

  Albert Moxey : Oh it's not bad Wayne, you know, I mean you could have built a garage in that time, never mid repaired one.

  Dennis Patterson : Well, I hope you don't expect to be paid for this afternoon.

  Oz Osborne : Just pour us a cup of tea will you?

  Harry Blackburn : Come one then, blow by blow account.

  Bomber Busbridge : Oh the boy looks wrecked. She's certainly taken it out of him.

  Oz Osborne : Unbelievable, that's the only word for it, unbel... I mean, if I told you, you wouldn't believe it, so...

  Barry Taylor : Yeah well we won't know until you tell us, will we? Come on.

  Oz Osborne : Well you know what we were saying in the bar the other night about older women and ..

  Albert Moxey : Experience?

  Oz Osborne : Experience and all that beef. Dear oh dear, this one. This one makes Simone Signoret look like Shirley Temple, that one.

  Neville Hope : Doesn't mean nowt to me, I've never seen either of 'em.

  Oz Osborne : Well I'll try and put it another way.

  Wayne Norris : You obviously did.

  Oz Osborne : You know when footballers get to a certain age they've got to slow their game down? You know but they seem to get to be better players because of experience, you know. Like Johnny Giles. Leeds and Eire. Phew, I feel like I've been playing with somebody like him for 90 minutes this afternoon.

  Albert Moxey : You know, it's funny you should mention that about footballers, Oz, cause the only older woman I ever had looked like Billy Bremner.