- Tobias Fünke: [playing George Sr. on the TV show Scandalmakers] Perhaps an attic shall I seek...
- Narrator: Real shoddy narrating. Just pure crap.
- Narrator: As it turns out, she HAD gotten up early and had taken pain medication because of a hangover-related headache. However, she mistook the "drowsy eye" alcohol warning for a "winking eye" alcohol suggestion. Fortunately, she had the good sense not to drive herself to the meeting.
- Lucille: No. I'll call for a car.
- Narrator: [the car is crashed into the wall of the parking garage] Unfortunately, this was after a failed attempt to do so.
- Michael: Gob, I'm going to need you to sneak Mom out of rehab.
- Gob: Gee, I didn't think the woman I'd be checking out at Spring Break would be Mom.
- Buster: She's better than the whores you date.
- Gob: Don't call my escorts whores.
- Buster: Mom's still got it!
- Gob: I don't date whores!
- Lindsay: Stop it, both of you! This objectification of women has got to stop!
- Michael: It's just Mom and whores.
- Lindsay: No, how would you like it? Actually, that's not a bad idea. I should turn the tables on men and see how they like being objectified. Men with low self-esteem. Get their clothes off.
- Tobias Fünke: That is a great social statement. I shall get the video camera. This is ripe for parody. This is ripe!
- Buster: He just wants to see boys' Linuses.
- George Michael Bluth: [to Maebe] Maeby, don't you get it? They're not even eating these. They just like saying "bananas" and "nuts," and I won't... I won't tell you why. That's your father's job.
- Tobias Fünke: [elsewhere, filming the "Men With Low Self Esteem" video] Come on. Let's see some bananas and nuts. Oh, perhaps we should just pull their pants off.
- Gob: [fixes a drink while waiting for an intervention with Lucille]
- Michael: Are you pouring a drink? What are you doing?
- Gob: What if she's mad?
- Lindsay: Good point.
- Tobias Fünke: Perhaps I'll have a little sip of something...
- Michael: Guys, what could she do to us?... do we have anything single malt?
- Narrator: [thirty minutes later] And although the intervention didn't work...
- Michael: We think you have a prollen.
- Gob: You're a mesh.
- Narrator: ...it turned into one of the Bluth family's better parties.