Are You Being Served? (TV Series)
No Sale (1976)
Trevor Bannister: Mr. Lucas
Quotes
-
[trying to dissuade a customer from buying a raincoat]
The Raincoat In The Window : No, it'll do fine. Go on and wrap it up.
Mr. Dick Lucas : Despite the fact it's the wrong color?
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : And it isn't waterproof?
The Raincoat In The Window : Yes, just wrap it up. And I must say, I'm really most impressed with your honesty. One would think you didn't want to sell me an overcoat.
Mr. Ernest Grainger : [walking up] And that's because you've got a fat face, piggy eyes, and a pimple on your nose!
[the customer bursts into tears and walks off]
Mr. Ernest Grainger : You young salesmen just don't know how not to sell clothes.
-
Mr. Ernest Grainger : [Indistinct mumble through a mouthful of food that has become stuck in his false teeth] And how did you arrive at that hy-poff-e-thith?
Mr. Dick Lucas : I beg your pardon?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : I won't say that again. My teeth are caught up with this c-custard.
-
Mr. Dick Lucas : [Mr. Rumbold catches him snooping in his office] I heard the phone ringing, so I came in to answer it in case it was urgent.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Well, why haven't you answered it?
Mr. Dick Lucas : Yes. Well, I suddenly thought to myself, "Perhaps it's a private call and Mr. Rumbold won't want me to answer it," I thought.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Yes, well, answer it now and ask them if they're 21 with long blonde hair and a 40-inch bust.
Mr. Dick Lucas : [answers the phone] Hello, are you 21 with long blonde hair and a 40-inch bust?
Young Mr. Grace : No, I'm 80 with short white hair and... hardly any bust at all.
-
Mr. Dick Lucas : What did we take last Monday, Mr. Grainger?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : [stammering, upset] Oh, don't... don't ask me! My memory's like a... like a... like a... like a...
Mr. Dick Lucas : [helping him out] Like a sieve.
Mr. Ernest Grainger : Thank you, Mr. Lucas.