Are You Being Served? (TV Series)
His and Her's (1973)
Frank Thornton: Captain Peacock
Photos
Quotes
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Captain Peacock : Let me put it another way. Do you have a particular boyfriend?
Miss French : All my boyfriends are particular.
Captain Peacock : Of course.
[coughs]
Captain Peacock : Yes. No, no, what I was trying, what I was trying to say was, I wondered if you might by any chance be free to join me for a drink when we close tonight?
Miss French : [very loudly] Are you chatting me up?
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Captain Peacock : Where are you going with that, Mash?
Mr. Mash : I'm papering the gents' on the fourth floor.
Captain Peacock : Shouldn't that be done by Decorating and Maintenance?
Mr. Mash : [holds up a roll of toilet paper] Not this sort of papering.
Captain Peacock : Just a minute, Mash. You are supposed to use the staff lift.
Mr. Mash : Ey, look here, Peacock, it ain't even quarter to nine.
Captain Peacock : Captain Peacock to you.
Mr. Mash : And it's Mr. Mash to you. Now, you ain't got no authority over me until the official commencement of your employment, which is at nine o'clock. Now if you come in here early cause your wife can't stand ya, it's no concern of mine... brother.
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Captain Peacock : Hillary, Deirdre, you're supposed to be cleaning the department, not drinking tea in it. Now get on with your work. And get that vacuum cleaner out of here before I come in, and get the bags changed. The old ones are blowing out more dust than they're sucking in.
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Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Captain Peacock?
Captain Peacock : Yes, Sir.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Can I have a word?
Captain Peacock : Certainly, Sir.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : What is that?
Captain Peacock : A cup of tea, Sir.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : I do not expect to find you of all people drinking tea in the department. The canteen is the place for that sort of thing.
Captain Peacock : I got it from the cleaner, Sir.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : And they are paid to clean the place, not bring you tea.
Captain Peacock : You misunderstand me, Sir. I took it away from them, at the same time complaining about the mess that the old bags were making.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : I don't think you should refer to the cleaning staff as "old bags", Captain Peacock.
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Mrs. Betty Slocombe : [signing in at work] Good morning, Captain Peacock. You're rather later than customary, are you not?
Captain Peacock : Well, apart from one or two other things, I had to get my wife off.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Off what?
Captain Peacock : Off on the train, Mrs. Slocombe.
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Mr. Mash : "Where shall I stick it, then?". As the stamp collector said to Mae West.
Captain Peacock : That will do, Mr. Mash. Come on, everybody, lend a hand.
Mr. Mash : That's what Mae West said to the stamp collector.
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Mr. Ernest Grainger : I shall take no part in it!
Mr. Lucas : Ha, ha! Mutiny on the counter!
Captain Peacock : Now, come, come, Mr. Grainger, that's not like you.
Mr. Ernest Grainger : Well, even in the French Revolution, the victims weren't expected to chop off their own heads.
Captain Peacock : I'm sure it won't come to that, Mr. Grainger.
Mr. Ernest Grainger : Nevertheless, my staff will not cooperate in the outfitting of that stand.
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : I'm behind you, Mr. Grainger.
Mr. Lucas : And I'm behind, Mr. Humphries. Yes, unless Captain Peacock says I mustn't be behind Mr. Humphries. In which case, I'm behind Mr. Rumbold.
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Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Captain Peacock, I'm surprised at you. You, a happily married man.
Captain Peacock : Ah, would that be true.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Oh, not another one.
Captain Peacock : After fourteen years, you don't know what it's like.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : I didn't know what it was like after seven.
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Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Are you free, Captain Peacock?
Captain Peacock : [looks about him] At the moment, Mrs. Slocombe.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : This is the salesgirl from the scent people.
[gestures at the attractive Miss French]
Captain Peacock : [walks over, grabs Miss French's hand, and smiles broadly] Good morning. May I welcome you most cordially to Grace Brothers!
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Oh, blimey...
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Captain Peacock : I'm just trying to think of the best way of handling it.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Tell her to push off!
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Captain Peacock : You've certainly caused a stir in the trouser department.
Miss French : Yes, this outfit usually gets the men going. It's the gymslip look that does it. That and the stocking tops.
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Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Please, please, please! Let's marshal all our facts, and find out precisely why this young lady left. Now, first of all, whose finger was it on the button that ruined the tape?
Captain Peacock : Well, it was my finger, but it...
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : No, no, no, no. Just the facts. Now, how did the other voice come into it?
Mr. Lucas : Well, I was talking through my hat, Sir.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Could you be more explicit?
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : Well, there was a microphone in his hat, Sir.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : I see. Why?
Mr. Lucas : Ah, well... You see, Mr. Grainger said, "Will no one rid me of this meddlesome priest?".
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Did you say that, Mr. Grainger?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : Well, actually, Henry the Second said it.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Perhaps I can explain. It wasn't Mr. Grainger who said it in the play, it was Becket. You remember, Mr. Rumbold, he got stabbed in the orchestra stalls.
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : That's why he got such a good round of applause.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Now, I may be dense... but has the play got to do with this girl leaving?
Mr. Lucas : Ah, well, you see, Mr. Grainger drew our attention to the fact that Henry the Second wanted to get rid of Becket.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Becket?
Miss Shirley Brahms : Not Beckett from Hardware, no.
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Captain Peacock : I would like to state at this point, that I had no hand in the girl's departure.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : I should think not, with your eyes glued to her garters.