Are You Being Served? (TV Series)
Cold Comfort (1974)
Mollie Sugden: Mrs. Slocombe
Photos
Quotes
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[Mrs. Slocombe has been reprimanded by Captain Peacock for wearing ill-fitting long underwear to keep warm]
Mrs. Slocombe : Mr. Rumbold, I'm so sorry to disturb you, but Captain Peacock asked me to remove these, so I said I'd ask you.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : You appear to have got them halfway down already. Where exactly are they stuck?
Mrs. Slocombe : No, no. They're not stuck. I just want to know how you feel about them.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : To be perfectly frank, they don't do anything for me.
Mrs. Slocombe : They're not supposed to do anything for you! They're supposed to be keeping me warm.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : I see. And are they?
Mrs. Slocombe : Yes.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Then what's the problem?
Mrs. Slocombe : Do you mind if I don't take them off?
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : I would prefer it.
Mrs. Slocombe : Thank you.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Always glad to be of assistance.
[Mrs. Slocombe leaves]
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : [frowns] I wonder what the problem was.
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Captain Peacock : Good morning Mrs Slocombe, Miss Brahms. You're one minute late.
Mrs. Slocombe : You're lucky to have me at all, Captain Peacock. I had to thaw me pussy out before I came. He'd been out all night.
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Miss Shirley Brahms : Ooh, d'you know I wish I put on my thicker knickers this morning.
Captain Peacock : You know, you young girls today don't wear enough clothes.
Miss Shirley Brahms : And how would you know?
Captain Peacock : Well, I keep warm with this. See? The commando's used to wear them during the war. You'd do well to do the same.
Miss Shirley Brahms : What? String knickers? You must be joking.
Mrs. Slocombe : Well I think it's ridiculous expecting us to fit a customer with a bra in this weather.
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Mrs. Slocombe : Captain Peacock, are you free?
Captain Peacock : At the moment, yes.
Mrs. Slocombe : Could I have a word with you?
Captain Peacock : Certainly.
Mrs. Slocombe : Well, it's rather personal.
Captain Peacock : Ah.
Mrs. Slocombe : Miss Brahms has just been and it's frozen over.
Captain Peacock : I beg your pardon?
Mrs. Slocombe : The ladies. It's solid.
Captain Peacock : I see. But what exactly do you expect me to do about it?
Mrs. Slocombe : Well, I thought I'd ask you if umm... we could use the gents. It's rather urgent.
Captain Peacock : Yes, well, I'll uh have a word with Mr. Grainger. You must go through the right channels, you know.
Mrs. Slocombe : Yeah, well, don't be too long.
[Miss Brahm's mouths "But it's cold"]
Captain Peacock : Are you free, Mr. Grainger?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : Err, yes, I'm free, Captain Peacock.
Captain Peacock : Umm, a slightly delicate situation has arisen. It appears...
[whispers what has had happened into Mr. Grainger's ear]
Mrs. Slocombe : He's asking Grainger.
Miss Shirley Brahms : Oh, fancy telling Grainger I wanted to go.
Mr. Ernest Grainger : Yes, I understand, Captain Peacock. Of course, I shall have to consult my colleagues. Mr. Humphries, Mr. Lucas, are you free?
Mr Humphries , Mr. Dick Lucas : [both together] We're free.
Mrs. Slocombe : Ooh, he'll be sending for Doctor Kissinger in a minute.
Miss Shirley Brahms : It's degrading. He's telling them all now.
Mr. Dick Lucas : Why can't she use the one in the bargain basement?
Mr Humphries : Yes, or the public one on the sports floor?
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Young Mr. Grace : Good morning, everybody.
Captain Peacock , Mrs. Slocombe , Mr Humphries , Mr. Dick Lucas , Miss Shirley Brahms , Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold , Mr. Ernest Grainger : Good morning, Mr. Grace.
Young Mr. Grace : I think you've all done very well, working in these cold conditions.
Captain Peacock , Mrs. Slocombe , Mr Humphries , Mr. Dick Lucas , Miss Shirley Brahms , Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold , Mr. Ernest Grainger : Thank you, Mr. Grace.
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Young Mr. Grace : Carry on. You've all done very well.
Captain Peacock , Mrs. Slocombe , Mr Humphries , Mr. Dick Lucas , Miss Shirley Brahms , Mr. Ernest Grainger , Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Thank you, Mr. Grace.
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[last lines]
Mrs. Slocombe : Actually, I have a confession to make. I took the liberty of having a little nip of something to keep me warm.
Captain Peacock : I wouldn't have minded a drop myself, Betty.
Mrs. Slocombe : Be my guest, Stephen. It's secreted in the perfume display.
Captain Peacock : How ingenious?
[laughs]
Mrs. Slocombe : [picks up the wrong perfume bottle] Open your mouth.
Captain Peacock : As there are no customers around.
Mrs. Slocombe : This'll put the roses back in your cheeks.
Captain Peacock : [Mrs. Slocombe sprays perfume in Captain Peacock's mouth] Agh! Ooh!
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Captain Peacock : [after a lengthy and embarrassing consultation with the Men's Department on whether Miss Brahms can use their toilet since the one in the ladies department is frozen and unusable] They've agreed.
Mrs. Slocombe : There you are, Miss Brahms!
Miss Shirley Brahms : I don't want to go, now.
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Young Mr. Grace : I've brought you good news.
Mr. Dick Lucas : We've just had good news. We're going home.
Young Mr. Grace : I've just had the heating turned on again.
Mrs. Slocombe : But I thought there was no fuel left.
Young Mr. Grace : Well, you see, I happen to own the Wharfside Coke Company.
Mr. Dick Lucas : [dismayed] How very fortuitous, Mr. Grace.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : But I thought your men were all on strike, Mr. Grace.
Young Mr. Grace : Ah, yes, yes, but I've sacked the men and had the warehouse chopped up. That should keep our boilers going for a bit.
Mr. Dick Lucas : That's the way to treat the workers, Mr. Grace.