Are You Being Served? (TV Series)

Big Brother (1974)

John Inman: Mr. Humphries

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mr. Humphries : [hangs up phone]  Mr. Lucas?

  Mr. Lucas : What's up?

  Mr. Humphries : You're wanted in the office.

  Mr. Lucas : What for?

  Mr. Humphries : Someone has seen you smoking. And as your senior here, I should have told you to put it out.

  Mr. Rumbold : [watching in his office on surveillance camera]  Quite right, Humphries! Good man.

  Mr. Humphries : You never know when old jug-ears is snooping round.

• Captain Stephen Peacock : Mr. Humphries, have you the time?

  Mr. Humphries : It depends on what you have in mind, Captain Peacock.

• Mr. Rumbold : [talking about shoplifting in the store]  Only this morning, Mrs. Slocombe informed me that she'd had a skirt lifted.

  Mr. Humphries : Some people have all the luck.

  Mr. Rumbold : And I seem to remember Miss Brahms lost something last week.

  Mr. Lucas : It wasn't me.

  Mr. Humphries : Do you know, only the other day, a customer reached across the counter and put his hands in my Fair Isle drawers. He said he was going to pay.

  Mr. Rumbold : Yes, well, I've got a man to handle that sort of thing.

  Mr. Humphries : Oh, nice.

• Mr. Clegg : [to Mr. Humphries]  Excuse me, Sir, what's that suspicious looking bulge?

  Mr. Humphries : I beg your pardon?

  Mr. Clegg : In your pocket, Sir. - May I see it, please?

  Mr. Humphries : [to Mr. Lucas]  Shouldn't he have a search warrant?

  Mr. Lucas : Why? It's never bothered you before.

• [last lines] 

  Mr. Lucas : [about Miss Brahm's having the measles]  Marvelous, isn't it? The one night my mother's away, and she has to go and get measles. Just my luck! I haven't had it.

  Mr. Humphries : The way things are going, you're not going to get it. I say, you haven't handled her recently, have you?

  Mr. Lucas : Well, I've just given her a peck on the neck that's all, when I set the plan up. Why? I mean, you don't think, I...

  Mr. Humphries : I was going to ask you out for a drink, but on second thoughts, good night.

• Mr. Humphries : Are you sure we're safe here?

  Mr. Lucas : Lower your voice!

  Mr. Humphries : [Misunderstands, drops his pitch an octave]  Are you sure we're safe here?

• Mr. Lucas : Poor Mr. Rumbold. It won't seem the same without him.

  Mr. Humphries : He's not as bad as all that, is he? Although, I have seen that look before.

  Mr. Lucas : You don't think he knows, and is just bravely hiding it from us?

  Mr. Humphries : No, not him. He'd come out and make an announcement.