Harmony:
[
to Spike] Oh, my God! You and the Slayer actually - I mean, I know you had that twisted obsession with her, but - Ugh! That's just - Ugh!
Lorne:
Honey of a story.
Wesley:
Story?
Lorne:
Yeah. The Vampire Slayer both men loved, both men lost. Oh, I could sell that to any studio in a heartbeat. I-I see Depp and Bloom. But then, I see them a lot.
[
Wes has an annoyed look]
Lorne:
Sorry. Hazard of running the Entertainment Division. Gotta get out more.
Spike:
Think I'm hot, do you?
Fred:
Hmm. Lukeworm. Just above room temperature.
[
to Hainsley's butler]
Angel:
We're - I'm from Wolfram and Hart.
Spike:
I'm his date.
[
after Angel kills Hainsley by throwing a silver dish plate at him, Spike's ghostly head sticks out]
Spike:
Oh, bollocks.
[
Hainsley's body falls to the floor]
Spike:
I was just getting warmed up.
Angel:
That was you hitting me?
Spike:
The last bit, yeah. Hainsley's been dead since he hit the table. Oh, come on. Had to get a few licks in, didn't I?
Spike:
And this, bloody hell, wasn't mine. I'm not you. I don't give a piss about atonement or destiny. Just because I've got me a soul doesn't mean I'm gonna let myself be lead around by...
Fred:
Excuse me?
Wes:
Did - Did you just say - Spike has a soul? You never said.
Angel:
Didn't seem worth mentioning, you know.
Gunn:
Seems to be a lot of that.
Spike:
Or maybe Captain Forehead was feeling a little less special. Didn't like me crashing his exclusive club. Another vampire with a soul in the world.
Angel:
You're not *in* the world, Casper.
Angel:
[
concerning Spike's soul] Fair? You asked for a soul. I didn't. It almost killed me. I spend a hundred years tryin' to come to terms with infinite remorse. You spent three weeks moaning in a basement, and then you were fine. What's fair about that?
[
after seeing Harmony throw a tantrum and storm out]
Spike:
I must be in hell.
Lorne the Host:
Ah, no. L.A. But a lot of people make that mistake.
[
Spike materializes in Angel's office at Wolfram & Hart, and bends over in pain, then realizes he's facing some familiar faces and some strangers]
Spike:
What? What?
Harmony:
What the hell are you doing here, Spike?
Wesley:
Harmony, please.
Gunn:
This is Spike? *The* Spike?
Fred:
Wait a minute. Who's...
Lorne:
[
calmly, to Spike] Easy, slim. Easy. No one's gonna hurt you.
Gunn:
Speak for yourself, Green Jeans.
Fred:
OK, would somebody please tell me who...
Wesley:
William the Bloody. He's a vampire. One of the worst recorded. Second only to...
Angel:
Me. But you're dead.
Harmony:
Well, yeah. Who here isn't?
[
looks around]
Harmony:
Besides him and him and her and...
[
to Lorne]
Harmony:
What are you, again?
Spike:
[
lunges at Angel in game-face, but goes right through him and winds up standing in Angel's desk] Bugger.
Fred:
And, I'm detecting brain wave activity.
Angel:
On Spike? Huh. That *is* weird.
Angel:
I'm in a meeting, Spike.
Spike:
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't care.
Angel:
And let's be discreet about this for the time being, okay?
Harmony:
Discreet? Oh, you mean like not tell anyone about bucket o' lawyer.
[
after finding a room full of human corpses]
Spike:
Maybe the geezer's just lonely. Throws himself a surprise party every night. Picks out one of these painted pigeons and shows her a good time, if you know what I mean.
[
Angel looks at him]
Spike:
What? I'm sure they don't mind.
Harmony:
Just since you're all soulful now, I thought maybe, just maybe, you might've learned to open up a little. You know, talk? But I guess a leopard can't change his stripes.
Spike:
Spots, you dink. Leopards have spots.
Harmony:
Oh! Excuse me, Mr. Brainy. Thank you so much for sharing. Wow. What a breakthrough.
Magnus Hainsley:
Control, that's all anyone really wants. Isn't it?
Related Links