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"Angel"
Just Rewards (2003)
Harmony:
[to Spike] Oh, my God! You and the Slayer actually - I mean, I know you had that twisted obsession with her, but - Ugh! That's just - Ugh!
Lorne: Honey of a story.
Wesley: Story?
Lorne: Yeah. The Vampire Slayer both men loved, both men lost. Oh, I could sell that to any studio in a heartbeat. I-I see Depp and Bloom. But then, I see them a lot.
[Wes has an annoyed look]
Lorne: Sorry. Hazard of running the Entertainment Division. Gotta get out more.
Spike: Think I'm hot, do you?
Fred: Hmm. Lukeworm. Just above room temperature.
[to Hainsley's butler]
Angel: We're - I'm from Wolfram and Hart.
Spike: I'm his date.
[after Angel kills Hainsley by throwing a silver dish plate at him, Spike's ghostly head sticks out]
Spike: Oh, bollocks.
[Hainsley's body falls to the floor]
Spike: I was just getting warmed up.
Angel: That was you hitting me?
Spike: The last bit, yeah. Hainsley's been dead since he hit the table. Oh, come on. Had to get a few licks in, didn't I?
Spike: And this, bloody hell, wasn't mine. I'm not you. I don't give a piss about atonement or destiny. Just because I've got me a soul doesn't mean I'm gonna let myself be lead around by...
Fred: Excuse me?
Wes: Did - Did you just say - Spike has a soul? You never said.
Angel: Didn't seem worth mentioning, you know.
Gunn: Seems to be a lot of that.
Spike: Or maybe Captain Forehead was feeling a little less special. Didn't like me crashing his exclusive club. Another vampire with a soul in the world.
Angel: You're not *in* the world, Casper.
Angel: [concerning Spike's soul] Fair? You asked for a soul. I didn't. It almost killed me. I spend a hundred years tryin' to come to terms with infinite remorse. You spent three weeks moaning in a basement, and then you were fine. What's fair about that?
[after seeing Harmony throw a tantrum and storm out]
Spike: I must be in hell.
Lorne the Host: Ah, no. L.A. But a lot of people make that mistake.
[Spike materializes in Angel's office at Wolfram & Hart, and bends over in pain, then realizes he's facing some familiar faces and some strangers]
Spike: What? What?
Harmony: What the hell are you doing here, Spike?
Wesley: Harmony, please.
Gunn: This is Spike? *The* Spike?
Fred: Wait a minute. Who's...
Lorne: [calmly, to Spike] Easy, slim. Easy. No one's gonna hurt you.
Gunn: Speak for yourself, Green Jeans.
Fred: OK, would somebody please tell me who...
Wesley: William the Bloody. He's a vampire. One of the worst recorded. Second only to...
Angel: Me. But you're dead.
Harmony: Well, yeah. Who here isn't?
[looks around]
Harmony: Besides him and him and her and...
[to Lorne]
Harmony: What are you, again?
Spike: [lunges at Angel in game-face, but goes right through him and winds up standing in Angel's desk] Bugger.
Fred: And, I'm detecting brain wave activity.
Angel: On Spike? Huh. That *is* weird.
Angel: I'm in a meeting, Spike.
Spike: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't care.
Angel: And let's be discreet about this for the time being, okay?
Harmony: Discreet? Oh, you mean like not tell anyone about bucket o' lawyer.
[after finding a room full of human corpses]
Spike: Maybe the geezer's just lonely. Throws himself a surprise party every night. Picks out one of these painted pigeons and shows her a good time, if you know what I mean.
[Angel looks at him]
Spike: What? I'm sure they don't mind.
Harmony: Just since you're all soulful now, I thought maybe, just maybe, you might've learned to open up a little. You know, talk? But I guess a leopard can't change his stripes.
Spike: Spots, you dink. Leopards have spots.
Harmony: Oh! Excuse me, Mr. Brainy. Thank you so much for sharing. Wow. What a breakthrough.
Magnus Hainsley: Control, that's all anyone really wants. Isn't it?
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Lorne: Honey of a story.
Wesley: Story?
Lorne: Yeah. The Vampire Slayer both men loved, both men lost. Oh, I could sell that to any studio in a heartbeat. I-I see Depp and Bloom. But then, I see them a lot.
[Wes has an annoyed look]
Lorne: Sorry. Hazard of running the Entertainment Division. Gotta get out more.
Spike: Think I'm hot, do you?
Fred: Hmm. Lukeworm. Just above room temperature.
[to Hainsley's butler]
Angel: We're - I'm from Wolfram and Hart.
Spike: I'm his date.
[after Angel kills Hainsley by throwing a silver dish plate at him, Spike's ghostly head sticks out]
Spike: Oh, bollocks.
[Hainsley's body falls to the floor]
Spike: I was just getting warmed up.
Angel: That was you hitting me?
Spike: The last bit, yeah. Hainsley's been dead since he hit the table. Oh, come on. Had to get a few licks in, didn't I?
Spike: And this, bloody hell, wasn't mine. I'm not you. I don't give a piss about atonement or destiny. Just because I've got me a soul doesn't mean I'm gonna let myself be lead around by...
Fred: Excuse me?
Wes: Did - Did you just say - Spike has a soul? You never said.
Angel: Didn't seem worth mentioning, you know.
Gunn: Seems to be a lot of that.
Spike: Or maybe Captain Forehead was feeling a little less special. Didn't like me crashing his exclusive club. Another vampire with a soul in the world.
Angel: You're not *in* the world, Casper.
Angel: [concerning Spike's soul] Fair? You asked for a soul. I didn't. It almost killed me. I spend a hundred years tryin' to come to terms with infinite remorse. You spent three weeks moaning in a basement, and then you were fine. What's fair about that?
[after seeing Harmony throw a tantrum and storm out]
Spike: I must be in hell.
Lorne the Host: Ah, no. L.A. But a lot of people make that mistake.
[Spike materializes in Angel's office at Wolfram & Hart, and bends over in pain, then realizes he's facing some familiar faces and some strangers]
Spike: What? What?
Harmony: What the hell are you doing here, Spike?
Wesley: Harmony, please.
Gunn: This is Spike? *The* Spike?
Fred: Wait a minute. Who's...
Lorne: [calmly, to Spike] Easy, slim. Easy. No one's gonna hurt you.
Gunn: Speak for yourself, Green Jeans.
Fred: OK, would somebody please tell me who...
Wesley: William the Bloody. He's a vampire. One of the worst recorded. Second only to...
Angel: Me. But you're dead.
Harmony: Well, yeah. Who here isn't?
[looks around]
Harmony: Besides him and him and her and...
[to Lorne]
Harmony: What are you, again?
Spike: [lunges at Angel in game-face, but goes right through him and winds up standing in Angel's desk] Bugger.
Fred: And, I'm detecting brain wave activity.
Angel: On Spike? Huh. That *is* weird.
Angel: I'm in a meeting, Spike.
Spike: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't care.
Angel: And let's be discreet about this for the time being, okay?
Harmony: Discreet? Oh, you mean like not tell anyone about bucket o' lawyer.
[after finding a room full of human corpses]
Spike: Maybe the geezer's just lonely. Throws himself a surprise party every night. Picks out one of these painted pigeons and shows her a good time, if you know what I mean.
[Angel looks at him]
Spike: What? I'm sure they don't mind.
Harmony: Just since you're all soulful now, I thought maybe, just maybe, you might've learned to open up a little. You know, talk? But I guess a leopard can't change his stripes.
Spike: Spots, you dink. Leopards have spots.
Harmony: Oh! Excuse me, Mr. Brainy. Thank you so much for sharing. Wow. What a breakthrough.
Magnus Hainsley: Control, that's all anyone really wants. Isn't it?
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