- Barney Fife: Aw, come on, Andy! Boy, you're funny, you are. You ought to go on the radio and be an all-night disc jockey. At least then I could turn you off!
- Andy Taylor: Do you think we ought to get married before or after the coffee?
- Karen Moore: Well, I believe in long engagements myself, so let's make it after.
- Barney Fife: Wait till you see her! She's really attractive!
- Andy Taylor: Uh-huh. That's what you said about Benjy.
- Barney Fife: Benjy?
- Andy Taylor: The one that looked like Benjamin Franklin.
- [Barney's smooth ploy to get Andy over to the coffee shop has, so far, not worked]
- Barney Fife: [anxiously] Andy, let's go over to the coffee shop and have a cup of coffee.
- Andy Taylor: Well, why?
- Barney Fife: To meet Thelma Lou's cousin from Arkansas, that's why!
- Andy Taylor: What?
- Barney Fife: Thelma Lou's got this cousin in town! She's from Arkansas and I promised Thelma Lou I'd get you to the coffee shop to meet her at three o'clock and if I don't, Thelma Lou's gonna be mad at me!
- Andy Taylor: Oh. Okay.
- [Andy starts to head out]
- Barney Fife: Now, look, Andy! It ain't often I ask you to do me a favor, but the one time I do, you'd think you'd be a little more cooperative! All I ask is a simple thing like... Where're you goin'?
- Andy Taylor: Over to the coffee shop to meet Thelma Lou's cousin from Arkansas. You comin'?
- Barney Fife: Another time I arranged a date with a girl that he claims looked just like Benjamin Franklin. He's kind of lost faith in me and blind dates.
- Karen Moore: But, do you know something, Andy? I don't think I really and truly know all there is to know about you. Let's see, now. You do like music.
- Andy Taylor: Well, I...
- Karen Moore: Well, do you like opera, modern, classical?
- Andy Taylor: I can't... I couldn't...
- Karen Moore: And books. Do you like fiction or non-fiction? Who's your favorite American author?
- Andy Taylor: I, uh...
- Karen Moore: Oh, and please just tell me one thing: do you think you could ever make a livin' at anything besides sheriffin'? I - I hope you don't mind my askin' you all these questions, but, you see, these are things I really and truly have to know so I can evaluate you properly. You know, "pass muster".
- Barney Fife: Now, just a minute! What are you tryin' to do here?
- Karen Moore: Well, it's all very simple. When Mr. Taylor gave me the thrill and honor of okaying me as worthy of his attentions, I thought it would be awfully nice if I could award him the same thrill. I'll tell you, Mr. Taylor, I'll consider all of your qualities and I'll let you know if you made the grade.