The Andy Griffith Show (TV Series)

The Merchant of Mayberry (1962)

Don Knotts: Barney Fife

Photos 

Quotes 

• Barney Fife : [angry]  Oh, boy! You're just full of fun today, aren't ya? Why don't we go up to the old peoples' home and wax the steps?

• Aunt Bee Taylor : [to Bert]  What have you got in your suitcase?

  Andy Taylor : [imitating Bert's style]  Oh, he's got, first, one thing, then another in there, Aunt Bee.

  Barney Fife : [joining in]  What about different things?

  Andy Taylor : I forgot different things and a whole lot of this 'n that.

  Barney Fife : Oh, I don't know. I think Aunt Bee'd like one thing and another.

  Andy Taylor : Hard to tell. Either that or different things.

  Barney Fife : Yeah.

  Aunt Bee Taylor : What're you talking about?

  Andy Taylor : Now, look here, Aunt Bee! It's either gonna be socks, razor blades or first one thing and then another. Now, we ain't got time to stand around here while you make up your mind! We're busy!

• Andy Taylor : Whadda ya - whadda ya sellin' these days, Bert? Anything?

  Bert Miller : Oh, this and that.

  Andy Taylor : Well, like what?

  Bert Miller : Oh, first one thing, then another.

  Andy Taylor : Well, what's in the suitcase?

  Bert Miller : Different things.

  Barney Fife : For Pete's sake, Bert! Open it up! We might buy somethin' off of ya!

  Bert Miller : Oh, you probably don't need nothin', no way. And I don't wanna appear pushy.

  Andy Taylor : [chuckles]  Oh, nobody'll ever accuse you of that, Bert. Now - now, what's in the suitcase? Show us!

• Barney Fife : How are ya?

  Bert Miller : Middlin'.

• Barney Fife : Why don't you go set in the grocery store so we can all know you're the Big Cheese?

• Barney Fife : I'll tell you one thing! You're gettin' the best salesman in Mayberry!

  Ben Weaver : Uh-uh. Second best.

  Barney Fife : Huh? Well, who's the best?

  Ben Weaver : You oughta know. You're workin' for him.