The Andy Griffith Show (TV Series)
My Fair Ernest T. Bass (1964)
Don Knotts: Barney Fife
Photos
Quotes
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Deputy Barney Fife : You sure got slim pickins here. Dogs. Nothin' but dogs.
Sheriff Andy Taylor : Barney!
Deputy Barney Fife : Andy, if you flew a quail through this room, every woman in it would point!
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Sheriff Andy Taylor : Well, I'm sorry to hear that, Ernest T. I know how important it is to ya to get a girl.
Ernest T. Bass : I've tried courtin' Hog Winslow's daughter, Hogette.
Deputy Barney Fife : Pretty name.
Ernest T. Bass : Hogette is French. French name.
[animated]
Ernest T. Bass : Well, I courted her as proper as proper can be! First off, I wrote her a love note asking her to go on out with me. And then I tied it onto the prettiest rock ya ever did see. And then I give it the prettiest toss ya ever did see, right through the front window!
Sheriff Andy Taylor : Well, did Hogette come on out with ya?
Ernest T. Bass : Couldn't. Caught her right there.
[points to a spot above his left ear]
Ernest T. Bass : Seven stitches.
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Deputy Barney Fife : You lay people have got to learn to leave evidence alone! It's going to make it very difficult now, for us and the boys at the lab!
Sheriff Andy Taylor : What lab?
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Sheriff Andy Taylor : She think's he's from Boston.
Deputy Barney Fife : Boston?
Sheriff Andy Taylor : Yeah.
Deputy Barney Fife : Andy, you did that good a job or Mrs. Wiley's a nut!