The Andy Griffith Show (TV Series)

Lawman Barney (1962)

Allan Melvin: Neal

Photos 

Quotes 

• Neal : Hi-ho, Silver! Away!

• Andy Taylor : Uhh... Whadda ya mean, "No, not this one?"

  Matt : Oh, some guy in a uniform come by a while back actin' like all high and mighty.

  Neal : Yeah. Wavin' his arms, givin' orders, tellin' us we was sellin' and vendin'. Just carryin' on.

  Andy Taylor : This fella that was, uh, by here. If he told you to move on, why didn't ya?

  Matt : Why? Because he was a clown, wavin' his arms and makin' speeches! Couldn't take him serious!

  Neal : When Matt here just stomped his foot at him, he took off like a quail! Right, Matt?

  Matt : Right!

  Andy Taylor : I wished ya hadn't o' done that! Now he's gonna play that ugly game he always plays. I just hate it when he does that.

  Matt : Game?

  Andy Taylor : Well, what he does with somebody that's breakin' the law is, he... he tells 'em to quit or move on or somethin' like that and if they do what he says, well, there's no trouble. But if they don't, everybody better look out! Mm!

  Neal : Now, hold on, Sheriff! Are you sure we're talkin' about the same fella? A little skinny fella that was down here earlier?

  Andy Taylor : [nodding]  Little, skinny fella. Deputy Barney Fife. Got a few other names, too. "Barney the Beast", "Fife the Fierce", "Crazy Gun Barney"...

  Neal : But he was a scared rabbit! He run from us!

  Andy Taylor : I know, I know. That's what's so tricky and mean about him. He acts scared and then, um, sets you up for the kill. How long do you think it'll be before y'all can get loaded up and outta here?

  Matt : Uh, about half an hour.

  Andy Taylor : Well, I sure hope you're gone when he gets back. But, again, I'll... I'll tell you what he does when he's gettin' ready to draw. He usually, uh, clears his throat, then he tugs at his collar and then he, uh... he beats his fist on his holster. When he does all that? Go!

  Matt : Go?

  Andy Taylor : GO! Don't mess around! Maybe he'll count ten, maybe he'll miss ya, but I wouldn't take any chances! I'd go! Run!

  [Matt and Neil hurriedly pack their truck] 

  Andy Taylor : I, uh, I hope nothin' bad happens, but in case it does, we'll hold onto your truck for your kin.

• Neal : Oh, by the way. If you see your deputy, you tell 'im those two farmers that were out in the roadside selling are back in business and we want him for a customer! He'll understand.