The Andy Griffith Show (TV Series)

Dogs, Dogs, Dogs (1963)

Don Knotts: Barney Fife

Photos 

Quotes 

• [reassuring Opie after releasing a group of dogs into the countryside as a thunderstorm approaches] 

  Barney Fife : Oh, a dog can't get struck by lightning. You know why? Because he's - he's too close to the ground. See, lightning strikes tall things. Now, now if they was giraffes out there in that field, well, then we'd be in trouble.

• Barney Fife : [to the dogs in the squad car]  All right, move over. I'm drivin'.

• [Otis overhears Barney reading a letter regarding added funding for the Sheriff's Office] 

  Otis Campbell : Hey, Barney? What do you guys need more money for?

  Barney Fife : Plenty! You, for one! I don't know why Aunt Bee has to fix you them fancy meals at Andy's own personal expense! What we should have is a charge account down at The Lunch Room and have the food brought in!

  Otis Campbell : Well, you do that and I'll take my business someplace else!

  Barney Fife : Don't threaten us, Otis!

  Andy Taylor : Now, boys...

  Otis Campbell : I ain't gonna eat that food from The Lunch Room! It's too spicy!

  Barney Fife : You drink anything, you can eat anything!

  Otis Campbell : I don't eat nothing spicy! It's bad for my liver!

  Barney Fife : Aw, your liver's so pickled now, it don't matter!

  Otis Campbell : Yeah?

  Barney Fife : Yeah!

  Andy Taylor : Fellas!

  Barney Fife : I'll say it right to your face, Otis! You got a pickled liver!

  Otis Campbell : That's better than having a pickled puss!

  Barney Fife : Yeah?

  Otis Campbell : Yeah!

• Barney Fife : Boy, giraffes are selfish! Just run around lookin' after number one, gettin' hit by lightning!