The Andy Griffith Show (TV Series)

Crime-Free Mayberry (1961)

Andy Griffith: Andy Taylor

Photos 

Quotes 

• Barney Fife : [Barney, writing a song to the tune of "Clementine", doesn't know Andy is standing behind him]  In a jailhouse down in Dixie / Fightin' crime and riskin' life / Dwelled a sheriff and his buddy / Pistol-packing Barny Fife. / Oh, my darin', oh, my darin' / Oh, my darin' Barney Fife / He's a deadly crime stopper / What a copper, Barney Fife. / Then one day there came a ridin'/ Two bad men to rob a bank / But Fife was tricky, a deadeye dickie/ Now they're locked up in the tank.

  Andy Taylor : Oh, my Barney, oh, my Barney / Had a jail and couldn't lock it / Had one bullet for his pistol / Had to keep it in his pocket.

• Barney Fife : They're writin' a folk song about us!

  Andy Taylor : [reading the town paper]  "The Ballad of Andy and Barney", or "The Gangsters' Mistake". If that ain't the most ridiculous thing I ever...

  Barney Fife : Oh, no, no, no! Wait a minute, now! It's not too bad! Try it from the top. The tune is like "Frankie and Johnny".

  Andy Taylor : What foolishness will they think of next?

  Barney Fife : Go ahead!

  Andy Taylor : Hmm. "Andy and Barney were lawmen / Bravest you ever did see / Warned every crook in the record book / To stay out of Mayber-ry / They were the law"...

  Barney Fife : [joining in]  "Yes, they were the law"...

  Barney Fife , Andy Taylor : "And they didn't know fear".

  Andy Taylor : Throw that thing in the trash!

  Barney Fife : Now, wait a minute, Andy! It gets better in the second verse. Listen to this: "Pretty Boy Floyd com a-ridin' / Dillinger, too, big as life / They weren't alone, there was Al Capone / And in back was Mack the Knife / They broke the law"...

  Andy Taylor : Barney! Barney! Barney! Barney! Barney, hold it!

  Barney Fife : What's the matter?

  Andy Taylor : Whoever wrote that did it for a joke.

  Barney Fife : I did not!

• Fred Jenkins : Now, the chief has sent me down here to observe firsthand just how you achieved this wonderful record.

  Andy Taylor : Well, first-off, I think the credit ought to go where it rightfully belongs.

  Barney Fife : Oh, now, Andy! You had just as much to do with it as I did!

• Margaret Williamson : [a reporter, not realizing she's walked into a fishing story rather than a police story]  Well, you were just sayin', "Mr. Carp, you have met your match."

  Andy Taylor : Oh, yes. Well, old carp, he didn't think so.

  Margaret Williamson : No?

  Andy Taylor : No, no. The closer I come to pullin' him in, well, the scrappier he got. Well, finally I just reached down and picked up a axe and *wham*! Right between the eyes.

  Margaret Williamson : [incredulously]  You struck him with an axe?

  Andy Taylor : The blunt side, to stun him.

  Floyd Lawson : Oh, they're tough, those carps! Hoo-hoo! Oh, I tell you!

  Margaret Williamson : What'd you do then?

  Andy Taylor : I strung him up and had my picture took with him.

  Margaret Williamson : You strung him up right then and there?

  Andy Taylor : Well, yes, ma'am. There was a big oak tree with a... with a good stout limb, oh, I reckon seven, eight feet off the ground. And I throwed a rope acrossed it and - and pulled him up and Barney, that's my deputy, he took my picture standing beside of him grinnin' from ear to ear. It took me about all the strength I had to pull that carp up where he cleared the ground.

  Floyd Lawson : Yeah. Oh, they're big, those carps.

  Andy Taylor : Yeah.

  Margaret Williamson : I can't believe it!

  Andy Taylor : Well, I got a picture here.

  Margaret Williamson : Oh, no! No! Please! You killed him?

  Andy Taylor : Well, yes, ma'am. 'Round these parts we figure we're doin' folks a favor when we kill a carp. They're a awful nuisance.

• Andy Taylor : Congratulations! You've been able to do in 15 minutes what this town's been tryin' to do for 15 years!

  Joe Layton : What's that?

  Andy Taylor : Open the door to this vault! You see, the combination was lost and the company that built it went out of business and we just about give up hope of ever gettin' her open.