The Andy Griffith Show (TV Series)
Convicts-at-Large (1962)
Don Knotts: Barney Fife
Photos
Quotes
-
Deputy Barney Fife : [as seductive as a nervous little guy can be] Let's you and me dance.
Big Maude Tyler : [surprised, as Barney had refused her before] You kiddin'?
Deputy Barney Fife : No, I'm not!
Big Maude Tyler : What made you change your mind?
Deputy Barney Fife : [trying to be dven more seductive now] You're beginnin' to get to me.
-
[Floyd and Barney, having run out of gas and looking to borrow some, come upon the mountain cabin of wealthy Mr. O'Malley]
Deputy Barney Fife : [shouting to see if anyone's home] O'Malley? Charlie?
Floyd Lawson : [aghast] You shouldn't call a rich man by his first name!
Deputy Barney Fife : [to Floyd] The bigger they are, the nicer they are.
Deputy Barney Fife : [shouting again] Hey, Chuck! It's me, Barney Fife!
-
Big Maude Tyler : By rights, I oughta let Naomi curl your hair with this heater!
Jalene Naomi Connors : [excited] Can I, Maude? Can I? I hate men!
Big Maude Tyler : She's a convicted husband-beater!
Floyd Lawson : [worried] Better watch it, Al.
Deputy Barney Fife : Will you stop callin' me Al?
-
Big Maude Tyler : Make the call. Just say you're up here with O'Malley and he's asked you to stay the night.
Deputy Barney Fife : Supposing I refuse?
[Maude points the gun at point-blank range into Barney's face while Naomi and Sally hover over the couch, fists at the ready]
Floyd Lawson : Better phone him, Al.
-
Andy Taylor : Boy, things got a little rough there for a minute, huh, Barn?
Deputy Barney Fife : [struggling to save face] Uh-uh! Well, no! I just... Just bidin' m' time, waiting for an opening.
Andy Taylor : I don't know why I even bothered to show up!
Deputy Barney Fife : Oh, no, Andy! Don't... Don't underestimate your contribution! You're all right!
Andy Taylor : I appreciate that.
-
Floyd Lawson : How come you're puttin' on your uniform?
Deputy Barney Fife : In case we decide to hitchhike.
Floyd Lawson : Oh.
Deputy Barney Fife : In civvies I'm a little hard looking.
-
Convict Sally : [mistaking Barney for her old beau, Al, because there is a striking resemblance] Oh, how I loved that man!
Big Maude Tyler : I thought Al squealed on ya and sent ya up.
Convict Sally : [grabbing Barney by the hair] RAT!
Deputy Barney Fife : I'm not Al!
-
Big Maude Tyler : Why'd you open the door?
Deputy Barney Fife : Uh, I... I can't stand crowded ballrooms.
Big Maude Tyler : [laughs] You're a treasure!
-
Big Maude Tyler : If Sally wants to dance, ya dance!
Deputy Barney Fife : [to Sally] At least let me lead!
-
Big Maude Tyler : [after she's arrested] You RAT!
Deputy Barney Fife : You just settle down, sister!
-
Convict Sally : Al, honey? Naomi's making all the burgers medium-rare. As I recall, you like your burgers hard.
Deputy Barney Fife : No! Medium-rare!
Convict Sally : You've changed!