The Andy Griffith Show (TV Series)

Andy's English Valet (1963)

Bernard Fox: Malcolm Merriweather

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sheriff Andy Taylor : [Standing in the middle of the room in his shirt and boxers]  No, sir! You hand 'em over! I can put on my own pants!

  Malcolm Merriweather : [holding Andy's pants]  But, sir, the Colonel always...

  Sheriff Andy Taylor : Never mind the Colonel! Gimme my pants!

• Malcolm Merriweather : [rides his bike over to Andy]  Eh, excuse me, Constable. Eh, you *are* the constable, aren't you? I mean, I saw the car with the thingamajig on top and, uh, I took it for granted you might be in the way of being a constable.

  Andy Taylor : Well, yeah, I'm the constable. Actually, I'm the sheriff.

  Malcolm Merriweather : [looks impressed]  Are ya really? Ain't that wonderful, eh? He-e-ey! Might I ask a question?

  Andy Taylor : Sure. What is it?

  Malcolm Merriweather : Uh, where could I find a constable?

  Andy Taylor : Well, I *am* the constable. Sheriff and constable kinda the same thing.

  Malcolm Merriweather : [says with amazement]  Get away!

• Barney Fife : [privately to Andy, noting Malcolm's British accent]  I don't think he's from around here. Fact is, I'd say he's from...

  [looks at Malcolm] 

  Barney Fife : ... somewhere's else.

  Andy Taylor : [withholding the fact he met Malcolm earlier]  You think so?

  Barney Fife : He's a troublemaker from another country!

  Andy Taylor : Do you really think so?

  Barney Fife : Yeah, he's a foreigner, all right. Maybe Canada. Whadda you think?

  Andy Taylor : You know where he just might be from?

  Barney Fife : Hmm?

  Andy Taylor : Heckmondwike, England.

  [Barney gives Andy a look] 

  Andy Taylor : Ask him!

  Barney Fife : Where you from, fella?

  Malcolm Merriweather : Heckmondwike, England.

  [Barney gives Andy a look of curiosity. Andy shrugs like it was a lucky guess] 

• Malcolm Merriweather : I might have traveled the length and breadth of America without ever finding out what Americans were really like. I used to think you were quite different, you know. Then I came into your home and saw how you lived. You're not different at all, really, and if it hadn't been for your dad, none of this would have been possible.