'Allo 'Allo! (TV Series)

The Gateau from the Chateau (1985)

Gorden Kaye: René Artois

Photos 

Quotes 

• Capt. Hans Geering : Do you not see? That if you kill him with the pill from the till by making with it the drug in the jug, you need not light the candle with the handle on the gâteau from the château.

  René : Simple plots are always the best.

• [Michelle regards the snooker table in the back room of the café] 

  Michelle Dubois : What is the biggest break you've had on this table?

  René : Just now, when my wife swallowed that story about the light bulb.

• [Colonel von Strohm compliments Madame Edith] 

  Col. Von Strom : Champagne for the handsome Captain and the beautiful singer!

  René : [puzzled]  The Colonel is drunk early this evening.

• [Colonel von Strohm reveals that he has discovered a plot by the Resistance] 

  René : Perhaps they were just trying to kill General von Klinkerhoffen

  Capt. Hans Geering : We're all trying to kill General von Klinkerhoffen.

• Capt. Hans Geering : René, that is the jug with the drug.

  René : After all that has happened, I could use a little aspirin.

• [Rene has covered the gâteau for the Kaiser's birthday with sand] 

  Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen : You fool, what do you think you are doing?

  René : I did this in memory of the day that the Kaiser was buried.

• [Edith has suggested that Rene strap dynamite to himself in order to blow up the General] 

  Edith : You will be buried as a great hero of France.

  René : First you will have to scrape me off the wall.

• Michelle Dubois : [shortly after Edith Artois caught René on the pool table with Yvette... Edith and Yvette leave]  What is the biggest break you've had on this table.

  René : Just now, when my wife swallowed that story about the light bulb.

• Maria Recamier : [Maria catches Renee listening to Herr Flick and Helga plotting in the back room]  Renee! You're ease dropping.

  René : These Germans, they are terrible people.

  Maria Recamier : What have you heard?

  René : Von Klinkerhoffen is about to be rubbed out.

  Maria Recamier : Rubbed out, how?

  René : Puff, with a cigarette holder.

  Maria Recamier : [Maria looks across the room at Lt Gruber playing the piano]  He plays the piano so beautifully.

  René : Not him.

• René : ...we must put out that bomb before it goes off!

  Michelle Dubois : [stepping out of hiding with a gun]  "you will do no such thing..."

  René : My restaurant will be wrecked.

  Michelle Dubois : the crater where it stood will be a monument to the bravery of the resistance.

  René : You are out of your tree.