- Col. Kurt von Strohm: You are combing your hair very nicely, Hans.
- Capt. Hans Geering: Thank you, Colonel. I see you have polished your head.
- Col. Von Strom: René, these muscles, they're not good. Is your wife using a new spice?
- Capt. Hans Geering: such as hair tonic?
- René: they come from the usual harbor, dear Coronel. I think perhaps one of your submarines is leaking a little diesel oil, due to the fact that the RAF blew it up.
- Lt. Hubert Gruber: Herr Flick believes that you know the whereabouts of the sausage containing the real painting of the Fallen Madonna...
- René: With the big...
- Lt. Hubert Gruber: Correct. He has given me the task of trying to ring this information out of you. If you do not cooperate, I have been ordered... I can not say it.
- René: Go one lieutenant, say it, what have you been ordered to do?
- Lt. Hubert Gruber: Drive my little tank from where it is parked, into your garden in the back.
- René: What is so terrible about that?
- Lt. Hubert Gruber: In a strait line, threw your café.
- Yvette Carte-Blanche: Why do you sigh Maria?
- Maria Recamier: It is this life we lead, Yvette. It is terrible. Climbing those stairs time after time, to entertain men. It is not right!
- Yvette Carte-Blanche: Oh, I agree with you. Whe should have a room on the ground floor.