I'm not quite sure where to begin with this, other than the only thing legendary about Legend of Frosty the Snowman is how bad it is, and is rightfully considered to be one of the worst Christmas cartoons ever made. Not only that, but it has little to do with Frosty the Snowman himself and absolutely nothing to do with Christmas. Well, let's begin at the beginning where our narrator, played by Burt Reynolds, sets the stage and tells us about a town called Evergreen, filled with people who had forgotten what it was like to... well, to live. This is a lifeless, sterile burg devoid of any humanity, any rational thought, any individuality, and any fun. It apparently became that way due to Mayor Teddy Tinkerton, or Mayor McCheesy as I like to call him. This guy is so OCD, straight-laced, meticulous, and by-the-book that there's no way you can take the guy seriously, but unfortunately most of the town is like him, including his eldest son, Charlie, who hopes to follow in his obsessive father's footsteps, while acting like a bully to everyone else. His younger brother, Tommy, isn't quite as nutty, but he fears disappointing his father so he plays along. Tommy has friends at school, including nervous nerd, Walter Wader, and an idealistic girl simply named Sara Simple, whom he's got a crush on but is too nervous to make the moves. Today seemed like just another tedious, to-the-letter, humdrum day in Evergreen, but little did anybody know that someone, or something, was about to introduce a little magic to shake up the monotony. On his way to school, Tommy saw a tophat flying through the air. We, the audience, recognize it as Frosty's tophat which we saw break out of the confines of several locked and chained boxes at the start of this movie. It had been locked away for a reason, and we'll find out why later, and no, it was not to prevent this horrible cartoon from being made, but that might have helped. Looking for magic hats got Tommy in dutch with the headmaster of the school, Principal Pankley, who is a far more ruthless and menacing stickler to the rules than the mayor. I have to wonder, how are they enforcing these rules? I don't see any cops or military patrolling the streets. If this is a dictatorship, then it's probably one with a low budget. I guess all the citizens are sheep who willingly line up to drink the Kool-Aid. This story is very bland, and the jokes are even worse. At dinner, the mayor has his family go over their day in the style of a game show. This isn't funny! Do the morons who made this think adults, little alone little kids would think any of these horrible jokes are funny? By the way, wasn't there supposed to be a magic, talking snowman in this movie? The magic hat tries to lure out Tommy, but he's afraid of disappointing his father, so it flies off to Walter's house. The boy reaches out the window to grab it, then the hat flies him off to the woods, where he has a good time playing in the snow, his first in a long time. He builds a snowman and places the hat on its head, and finally, over 13 minutes in to this abomination, Frosty the Snowman finally shows up... and why does he sound like Patrick? Yes, they got Bill Fagerbakke to perform Frosty's voice, whom you all recognize as the voice of Patrick Star. Why him? Why not someone like, say, Louie Anderson, or maybe somebody who can sound like Jackie Vernon? This is just Patrick the Snowman. Anyway, Frosty shows Walter how to have a little fun by way of snowball fights and sliding down a hill. News of this traveled fast, because as you know, nothing happens in this stupid town, so Tinkerton and Pankley get all up in arms about one boy breaking curfew and playing in the snow. When Walter insists it was a magic snowman, Pankley breaks out a dunce cap and makes an example of him. They do the same for Charlie, who was finally caught being a bully in the lunchroom and play the same stupid joke about pulling a dunce cap out of a dusty crate twice. However, talk of magic snowmen gets Mayor Tinkerton to thinking, but Pankley quickly shuts it down. This makes me think that perhaps Tinkerton is a puppet and Baldy here is pulling the strings.
Next kid to encounter the magic hat is Sara, as it steals the hood ornament off the mayor's car and gives it to her to add to her snow diorama of the town she built. Huh, looks more lifelike than the real town. Sara was finally allowed to have fun and literally let her hair down after her drone of a mother forced her to keep it up and behave like it was still the 1950s... though, given the models of automobiles, I think it is. The hat next works its magic on Charlie, as he and Walter come outside to play with Frosty. At this point, I have to question how many hats are there? Because while Frosty is playing with Walter and Charlie, Tommy is chasing the hat over to the public library, so how can it be in two places at once? Because it's magic? I'm not buying it. So as he searches for the elusive hat in the library, Tommy uncovers a secret door that leads to a dark basement. This must be where they keep all the children who don't conform. No, it's where they keep all the books having anything to do with fun and laughter. Among those books is an old comic about Frosty the Snowman. So is this special turning meta all of a sudden? It details the life of a young boy whose father, Professor Hinkle, performed magic tricks and then showed how they were done so his son wouldn't believe in magic. Wait, a magician who reveals his tricks? He did all that just so his son wouldn't believe in magic? Hey, Emily Kapnek, have you ever met another human being in your life? Do you have the slightest idea how they act? Not like this! Anyway, it seems the boy's father's hat was really magic and could bring a snowman to life, but he couldn't prove it. I guess cameras didn't exist back then? But one day, it just disappeared. Very vague, shallow story there. But as Tommy's mom is going through old photographs, he sees one of his dad as a small boy holding a familiar hat, and then he sees a photo of Grandaddy Hinkle, and sure enough, as we all predicted, the little boy from the comic is his father. Speaking of Mayor McCheesy, the balance had been upset in his town. Irregularities, dissension, independence, it put the poor schmo into a self-induced coma, which in turn allowed ol' Hanky-Panky to step up and take charge. First thing he did was confront Walter, and convince him to look for Frosty after dark when he wasn't so busy. So because this kid is an idiot, he trusted the obviously sinister man and met with Frosty that night at a frozen pond, where the cocky snowman performs a figure 8. Unfortunately, nobody realized the pond was covered in very thin ice, which cracked under Frosty's weight and he fell in, leaving only his hat. The treacherous Pankley picked it up, claiming victory. Next, he calls a town meeting where parents voice their outrage over a magic snowman encouraging children to have fun, and he not only assures them that things will go back to normal, but that he is the new mayor. I guess they don't hold elections in this stupid town. Hopefully a deus ex machina can save the day, and it does, for as Tommy reads the Frosty comic, new pages appear showing what the future for Evergreen will be. So, is this like Wes Craven's New Nightmare, things appear in the comic as they do in real life? It shows this dismal town will get even more dismal. It also reveals that young Pankley was the one who found the magic hat and locked it away. They don't really say why, just that he didn't like it. Really? That night, Tommy recruited Sara, Walter, Charlie, and the triplets to break into the school and reclaim the magic hat. Wait, why is Pankley keeping it on display? Why wouldn't he just destroy it? They nab the hat, which sets off an alarm, and they head for the woods to quickly rebuild Frosty, just as Pankley and the parents show up. Mayor Tinkerton is reintroduced to his old childhood friend and thankfully remembers who he used to be, then he strips Pankley of his clipboard and gives him his walking papers, and the kids show their parents the fun of snowball fights. This new ending magically appeared in the comic, and we come to find out that Burt Reynolds is voicing a grown-up Tommy, who had finally put the moves on Sara and married her. So I guess the moral of our story is all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Also, little work and no screenplay makes this a dull movie!
Legend of Frosty the Snowman is bad. The writing is horrible, the character designs and animation are lazy, and the voicework is dull, and this features some very talented voice artists. In fact, the only person whose performance and character I actually found myself liking was Larry Miller as Pankley. Miller was clearly having fun and the only one putting in any effort, and he warranted quite a few chuckles, so that's a testament to his talent and devotion as a performer, and I give this thing 2 stars for him. All in all, this is the worst cartoon to have Frosty's name attached it, and it has no linkage to any of the previous Frosty specials. They even retcon the 1969 original by saying little Teddy Tinkerton built Frosty and that Professor Hinkle was his father. In fact, what was even the point of making him look like that evil magician? As a nod? That's not the way to do it. You know what might have helped this special? Songs. This wasn't a musical like the other Frosty specials, and giving it a few catchy tunes might have made up for the awful story and horrendous jokes. By all means, avoid this at all costs, it's horrible. Watch any of the other Frosty the Snowman specials, even Frosty Returns from 1992 was worlds better than this. I do not recommend Legend of Frosty the Snowman, just leave this legend to be forgotten.
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