- Arlene Black: [Of her 33-year marriage] You two need to know the truth. It's no picnic!
- Abby Willoughby: Were you in love in the beginning?
- Arlene Black: [simultaneously] No.
- Seymour Black: [simultaneously] Not so much.
- Ira Black: [unnerved] I thought you were madly in love.
- Arlene Black: That's what we told you when you were younger. It was a good story, it made you happy.
- Ira Black: You were never in love? That's... that's depressing!
- Seymour Black: That's why we didn't tell you.
- Arlene Black: You learn to love. You *learn* to love, because you're *stuck* with each other.
- Seymour Black: Well, not stuck. Um - *hinged*. Hinged! You're hinged together, so that you can still move a little, but at the end of the day, you're always together, through good and bad.
- Abby Willoughby: Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's *very* bad.
- Seymour Black: Hasn't been so bad, Arl.
- Arlene Black: It's been bad, Sy. Trust me, Abby.
- Arlene Black: Marriage is not something to be taken lightly.
- Abby Willoughby: I don't take it lightly, I just have a really good feeling about this.
- Arlene Black: Ugh, sweetheart, it isn't about feelings. Marriage is a contract.
- Abby Willoughby: It isn't about feelings?
- Ira Black: Marriage isn't about feelings?
- Arlene Black: No, it is, of course it is.
- Seymour Black: Yeah, it's about feeling terrible and criticized.
- Arlene Black: [coldly] Sy, don't start.
- Abby Willoughby: Do you have pets?
- Ira Black: Oh, no. No. No, I - I have a fear of perishables. You know - pets, dairy products, produce. Anything that dies, I don't intend to, uh - not for me.
- Ira Black: Honey, you make friends with *everyone*. With muggers, and killers, and strangers on the street. You'd make friends with Hitler if he came in for a tour.