The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Albert Brooks: Russ Cargill
Photos
Quotes
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Russ Cargill : Anyone can pick something when they know what it is; It takes real leadership to pick something you're clueless about.
President Schwarzenegger : Ok, I pick 3!
Russ Cargill : Try again.
Russ Cargill : Go higher.
Russ Cargill : Too high.
Russ Cargill : You already said 3.
Russ Cargill : There is no 6.
Russ Cargill : Double it.
Russ Cargill : As you wish, sir.
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Russ Cargill : [enters the Oval Office] President Schawarzenegger.
President Schwarzenegger : Ja. That is me.
Russ Cargill : The pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels.
President Schwarzenegger : Ach! Everything is "crisis this" and "end-of-the-world that"! No one opens with a joke! I miss Danny DeVito.
Russ Cargill : You like jokes, huh? Well, stop me if you've heard this one.
[holds up cage with the mutant squirrel]
President Schwarzenegger : [gasp] Look at all those angry eyes and pointy teeth! It's like Christmas at the Kennedy Compound!
Russ Cargill : Mr. President, you chose me, Russ Cargill, most successful man in America, to head the EPA, the least successful government agency. Why did I take the job? Because I'm just a rich guy who wants to kick some ass for good old Mother Earth. I want to give something back. Not the money, but something. That's why I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options.
[spreads the files on the President's desk]
Russ Cargill : Each one will cause untold misery and...
President Schwarzenegger : [points to File #3] I pick Number Three!
Russ Cargill : Really? You don't want to read them first?
President Schwarzenegger : I was elected to *lead*, not to *read*. Number Three!
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Russ Cargill : I want ten thousand tough guys, and I want ten thousand soft guys to make the tough guys look tougher.
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Russ Cargill : [levels a shotgun at Homer and Bart]
Russ Cargill : Hello, Homer.
Homer Simpson : So, we meet at last, whoever you are.
Russ Cargill : There's a couple of things they don't teach you in Harvard Business School, one is how to cope with defeat, the other is how to handle a shotgun, I'm going to do both right now.
Bart Simpson : Wait! But if you kill my dad, you'll never know where the treasure is buried!
Russ Cargill : What treasure?
Bart Simpson : Uhm, the treasure of Ima Wiener.
Russ Cargill : I'm a wiener?
[Homer and Bart laugh]
Homer Simpson : Classic!
Russ Cargill : Well, always leave them laughing. Goodbye, sir.
[Cargill aims the shotgun, right as he is about to fire a boulder falls on him KOing him, the camera pans up to show Maggie]
Homer Simpson : Maggie! What a great little accident you turned out to be!
[Maggie winks and does a hand gun at Homer]
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EPA Official : S-sir, I'm afraid you've gone mad with power...
Russ Cargill : Of course I have. You ever tried going mad without power? It's boring. No one listens to you!
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Russ Cargill : I was tricked by an idiot!
Cletus : Hey, I know how you feel; I was beat in tic-tac-toe by a chicken.
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Russ Cargill : Springfield has become...
Man : Woooo! Springfield!
Russ Cargill : ...the most polluted city in the history of the planet.
Krusty the Clown : Drama queen!
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Russ Cargill : Your government has realized that sealing you under this dome was a terrible mistake. Therefore, we are commencing with Operation Soaring Eagle
[crowd cheers]
Russ Cargill : ... which involves killing you all.
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Moe : What are you telling us, we're trapped like rats?
Russ Cargill : No, rats can't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like... carrots.
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Cletus : [after showing Cargill a trick with his thumb] You want to know how I do it?
Russ Cargill : Four generations of inbreeding?
Cletus : [Flattered] Oh, you.
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Russ Cargill : My name is Russ Cargill and I'm the head of the EPA.
Moe : The what?
Russ Cargill : Environmental Protection Agency.
Lenny : Come again?
Russ Cargill : Look, I'm a man on a big TV. Just listen.
