Blades of Glory (2007)
Jon Heder: Jimmy MacElroy
Photos
Quotes
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Jimmy : So, Coach, I was thinking about the music for our routine.
Coach : Oh, really?
Chazz : We're gonna dance to one song, and one song only: "Lady Humps" by the Blackeyed Peas. "What you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk? I'm a get you, get you drunk, get you drunk off my lady humps, my humps, my humps, my lovely lady humps."
Jimmy : [disgusted] I'm not skating to anything with references to lady humps. I don't even know what that means.
Chazz : No one knows what it means, but it's provocative...
Jimmy : No, it's not, it's gross...
Chazz : ...It gets the people going!
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Chazz : And that's why I was a sex addict because no one ever loved me, but I learned something here today, that ice it doesn't belong in here
[pointing to heart]
Chazz : it belongs out there, out on the ice, in an ice rink. I never had a father okay, but I don't care because now I've got a brother
[grabs Jimmy]
Chazz : , this is my brother
[grabs Katie]
Chazz : and this is my brothers new girlfriend and she is not a whore. I'm in a lot of pain I think I'm gonna barf.
Jimmy : Chazz, Chazz they gotta get you to a hospital.
Chazz : What, no and miss the smell of sweet gold not on your life.
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Jimmy : I'm getting sick, you smell like aftershave and taco meat!
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Chazz : Hey, MacElroy, was that your routine or a performance of Cirque de So Lame? Besides, you're too late; they already handed out the girls' medals this morning.
Jimmy : Shut up, Michaels. That was textbook execution. Same scores I beat you with in Oslo.
Chazz : I was on quaaludes, I don't even REMEMBER Oslo.
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Jimmy : [Answering Machine Message] Hey, It's Jimmy. if you can dream it, you can do it!
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[Chazz and Jimmy have just seen the decapitation caused by the Iron Lotus on video]
Coach : [confidently] Okay, so what do you say? Let's try an Iron Lotus.
Chazz : Are you nuts?
Jimmy : Wha...? We can't do that!
Coach : C'mon. What are you talking about? Look, after all these years, I know what went wrong. The physics were off; it was a man and a woman. That's why it didn't work. You're two men... you should be fine.
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Jimmy : [to Katie] I like your... buttons.
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Jimmy : When I was nine, my dad insisted on having me circumcised to minimize wind resistance.
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[Jimmy and Katie have just kissed]
Katie Van Waldenberg : You've been practicing.
Jimmy : Chazz taught me some stuff.
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Jimmy : I've never fallen in a competition before. Just take my hand and we can get through this.
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Chazz : This guy could not hold my jock sweat.
Jimmy : I could hold it all day long, try me!
Chazz : Maybe I will.
Jimmy : Maybe you should.
Chazz : You challenging me, princess?
Jimmy : I'm not inviting you to the Skating Federation's annual Christmas party.
Chazz : Then bring it on!
Jimmy : It is on!
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Jimmy : [Jimmy walks in on Chazz and Katie getting intimate] Y-y-y-you sex demon! You sex fiend!
Chazz : This isn't what it looks like.
[Grabs Katie's breast]
Jimmy : Impure! Impure!
[Runs out of the room]
Katie Van Waldenberg : Jimmy, wait!
Chazz : Brother man!
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Darren MacElroy : I'm un-adopting you.
Jimmy : What?
Darren MacElroy : Well, legally I'm disowning you.
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Jimmy : [fighting with Chazz] You're so fat!
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Jimmy : I just put them in order.
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[Darren is 'unadopting' Jimmy]
Jimmy : I've been your son for 26 years.
Darren MacElroy : 22, so no one can say I didn't try.