Green Wing (2004–2007)
Pippa Haywood: Joanna Clore
Photos
Quotes
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Joanna Clore : [on answering machine] It's over, Alan. Don't contact me. You will never feel my super-vagina again.
Dr. Alan Statham : I, I, I wish people would leave a name!
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Dr. Martin Dear : [Joanna doesn't want anyone knowing he's her son] I love you and I always have!
Harriet Schulenburg : [Just entering] I'm sorry is this a bad time?
Joanna Clore : No, Dr. Dear was just telling me something a patient said to him today. A psychiatric patient, obviously.
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Lab Guy : Name? I can't just put "Lanky woman who hasn't learned how to take proper precautions in her forty years on Earth"?
Joanna Clore : Er...
[Sees Harriet at other window]
Joanna Clore : Harriet Schulenberg.
[Runs off]
Lab Guy : Don't go! I think I love you!
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Kim Alabaster : Erm, you do know that your goldfish is dead?
Joanna Clore : Yes, I know it's dead, it's supposed to be dead, I bought it dead! That way I can look at it and say "You're dead and I'm not, you stupid fish!"
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Joanna Clore : And I suppose radiology is proper medicine then, is it?
Dr. Alan Statham : I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer.
[pause]
Dr. Alan Statham : Yes, it bloody is!
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Joanna Clore : What kind of masked kidnapper are you?
Dr. Alan Statham : Well, one who is loath to contravene local bye-laws, actually.
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Dr. Alan Statham : Welcome to the lunatic asylum!
Dr. Caroline Todd : What, "You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps"?
Dr. Alan Statham : Well, I don't know about that, although the Trust is an Equal Opportunities Employer so some of the Secretarial Staff might be a bit...
[twirls a finger by his head]
Joanna Clore : [bored of him] Oh, God!
[Drags Carol away]
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Dr. Guilaume Secretan : And I found my number crumpled up in her hand on the page of a novel. That's what L'Air du Temps means to me.
Joanna Clore : If you fancy a **** just say so!
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Jake : [in the Occupational Therapy Suite] Okay, Joanna, now we're a bit more relaxed, I'd like to try something.
Joanna Clore : Well, hurry up, I do have an office to run.
Jake : Right, well, what I want you to do is imagine that all the recent unpleasantness is held in a little box deep inside.
Joanna Clore : Ah, yes, nice little box.
Jake : No, well, we have to deal with things. So, on the count of three, I want you to open the box and deal with what's inside. One... two...
Joanna Clore : AHH! AHHH! AHHHH!
Jake : No, well...
Joanna Clore : AHH!
Jake : Okay, close the box.
Joanna Clore : AHHH!
Jake : Close the box.
Joanna Clore : AHHH!
Jake : CLOSE THE BOX! No, you don't want that. Let's just try to relax...
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Joanna Clore : God, you've changed your tune.
Dr. Alan Statham : Yes, I march to a different tune.
[sings]
Dr. Alan Statham : La la la la la la-la-laaa, la la la la...
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Joanna Clore : [on Mac's hair] Well, at least I don't look like a girl.
Dr. Macartney : Ah, touche, touche...
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Joanna Clore : I know you can't be a complete idiot or they wouldn't let you work here.
Dr. Alan Statham : ...I'm glad you're on my side.
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Joanna Clore : [bursts in on Statham beating a Green Dwarf to death with a stuffed Heron] What are you doing?
Dr. Alan Statham : It's all right! He's not real!
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Joanna Clore : [dragging the bagged dwarf to the incinerator] Maybe you shouldn't kill dwarfs with Herons!
Dr. Alan Statham : Maybe you shouldn't hide dwarfs under people's desks!
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Dr. Alan Statham : I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.
Joanna Clore : I think I am too.
Dr. Alan Statham : Everything's gone Dwarf!
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Joanna Clore : [Carol's first day] Did you say you were Asian? It would really help out my End of Year quotas. It's hard to tell in this light, might get away with it.
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Dr. Guilaume Secretan : My Father was one of the Gnomes of Zurich.
Joanna Clore : What, really short?
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Joanna Clore : I love the smell of formaldehyde in the morning, don't you?
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Mum : [Tea] Here you are, sweetheart.
Joanna Clore : Are you legal? I mean, am I going to be on some kind of register?
Young Man : No, I'm legal. Just. It was my birthday, that's why I was at the Bar.
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Joanna Clore : Did you just shove a Banana down my top?
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Dr. Alan Statham : Alright, a small key for you to swallow and a toy soldier for me. C'mon it'll be great! "A small key? A toy soldier? What's it all about?" We can drive them insane from beyond the grave!
Joanna Clore : I like it, c'mon then.
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Joanna Clore : Can you feel anything?
Prostitute : I've still got my tights on!
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Dr. Alan Statham : It's my Man Milk.
Joanna Clore : You've given me a locket with cum in it?
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Joanna Clore : What's wrong with her?
Kim Alabaster : Her iPod is on shuffle and Travis just came on.
Joanna Clore : [Drops Rachel's iPod into a glass of water]
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Joanna Clore : [They're all reading Oedipus Rex] Very funny.
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Dr. Alan Statham : I march to the beat of a different drummer. Jesus!
Joanna Clore : Okay, now you're scaring me.
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Joanna Clore : [caught stealing muffins] Do you how long it's been since I had carbohydrate?
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Dr. Martin Dear : [hugging her] Oh, you're lovely!
Joanna Clore : No, I'm not.