Brian Posehn: Friend
Quotes
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[first lines]
[Sarah Silverman is visiting her friends, who are boasting about their latest creative achievements]
Friend : So then I said, "Shut up, you stupid twat."
Friend : [petting her dog] Oh, my God.
Friend : I know. And then I'm like, Oh, fuck, what did I just do? But then the audience loved it! They went nuts, and she looked like an idiot. Like, they were all like, "She is a stupid twat that should shut up!"
Friend : That's awesome.
Friend : So it felt really good. So that's on the record.
Friend : You'll sell, like, so many more copies because you called someone a stupid twat on it.
Friend : [laughing] Who knows? I'm just glad I have a record out finally.
Friend : Oh, that's so good! So good.
Friend : Rob Zombie's producing it. It's crazy.
Friend : Wow!
[the first close-up of Sarah: smiling, interested, but uneasy; exactly the expression of someone who is jealous because she has no news of her own]
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[Continuing the opening scene]
Friend : What's going on with you? What about that pilot?
Friend : I got it!
Friend : Awesome.
Friend : I know. We're waiting to hear if it gets picked up, but it looks really good. They really like it. It's so much fun.
Sarah Silverman : Awesome. That's so great.
[In classic passive-aggressive body language, Sarah is shaking her head "no" while her mouth is saying "great."]
Friend : And Deckie was in it! Because I brought him to the table read and they needed a dog for one scene, and they were like, "He's perfect."
Friend : He is perfect.
Friend : [baby-talking to her dog] Yes he is!
[addressing her friends again]
Friend : And then I sold that script to Comedy Central.
Friend : Oh, the sports thing!
Friend : The sports show, of all things, I know. I don't even know anything about sports, but, you know. A great concept, I guess.
[Sarah is looking elsewhere, embarrassed]
Friend : [half-polite, half-bored] What about, uh, what about you? What's going on? We haven't seen you in a while.
Sarah Silverman : Umm.
[She exhales heavily]
Sarah Silverman : So much.
Friend : Wow, really?
Sarah Silverman : Yeah, I'm, I'm doing a lot, so.
[Sarah lolls her tongue out, as if in exhaustion]
Friend : You've been getting out a lot?
[Sarah is clearly making this up on the spot]
Sarah Silverman : I'm, um, actually, I wrote a show.
[They are astounded]
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[Continuing the opening scene]
Sarah Silverman : I'm, um, actually, I wrote a show.
Friend : Oh, wow, cool! Are you shopping it around, or...
Sarah Silverman : Um, no, it's...
Friend : We could probably help you...
[Laura walks her fingers in the air to suggest shopping the property around]
Sarah Silverman : No, it's doing it! I mean, it's...
Friend : It's...?
Friend : What do you mean?
Sarah Silverman : I mean it's gonna be... ON. It's a show.
Friend : On TV?
Sarah Silverman : No! But it's, actually, it's a, um, it's like a play-slash-movie.
Friend : Cool.
Friend : Like in a theater. Like, yeah.
[Sarah's expression suggests that she cannot quite believe she is fooling them]
Sarah Silverman : Yeah!
Friend : That sounds amazing. What is it? What is it about? Are you, like, the star of it? What is it?
[Sarah has to think quickly]
Sarah Silverman : It's about, um, the Holocaust.
[She looks contrite]
Friend : Ooh.
Friend : Wow.
Sarah Silverman : Yeah. And, and, AIDS. Kind of a...
Friend : AIDS and the Holocaust?
Sarah Silverman : But it's funny! And it's also, it's a, um, musical!
-
[At her friends' home, Sarah has just lied and told her friends that she will be performing a musical show about the Holocaust and AIDS]
Friend : Oh, my God, that sounds exhausting.
[Sarah lolls her tongue out in fake exhaustion again]
Sarah Silverman : I know! It's a real opus, you know?
Friend : When are you doing it?
Sarah Silverman : Um - you know what? Tonight. And it's actually tonight, so...
[She stands, and her friends look shocked]
Sarah Silverman : ...I'd better skedaddle.
Friend : Right now?
Sarah Silverman : Yeah. I've got a bunch of stuff to do, pre, uh, pre-pro.
Friend : But could we come see it?
Friend : Yeah!
Friend : I want to see it!
Sarah Silverman : Ah, shit! It's sold out! It's totally sold out. Every seat. I know! It sucks.
Friend : What if we just hang backstage and watch from the wings or something?
Friend : Yeah. Can't we just... be backstage?
[Sarah tries to hide her look of terror]
Sarah Silverman : Ummm.
Friend : We could just stand by the curtains. We'll be quiet.
Sarah Silverman : I can't... think... why not. Umm...
Friend : So, what, will you let us know?
Sarah Silverman : Yeah, sure, definitely! I'm psyched, I'm totally psyched! Um, so I'll see you guys tonight!
-
[the show is over, and Sarah retreats to her room backstage. She eats a grape from the lavish spread - fruits, cakes, and other nice things - that the producers have laid out for her. She is just relaxing when a knock comes at the door. Her friends from the beginning of the movie burst in, all smiles]
Friend : Hi! Oh my God, you were so great!
Sarah Silverman : Thank you.
Friend : That was awesome.
Friend : That was amazing. That was, like, all new material.
Sarah Silverman : Mm.
Friend : And rape, and AIDS, and the Holocaust, just like you said.
Friend : Just like you said! It was so...
Friend : Cool.
Sarah Silverman : Well.
Friend : You must be so proud of yourself.
Sarah Silverman : I am.
Friend : That is so great.
[looking around the room, which has a rich, dark red curtain and fine pillows on the couch, as well as a large mirror and fresh foods]
Friend : Wow, look at this, this is so pretty!
Sarah Silverman : Mm.
[the friends begin staring at Sarah's spread of food]
Friend : It's so beautiful. Oh, my God.
Friend : What a spread!
Sarah Silverman : Do you guys want something?
[the camera focuses on a large cake and small pastries]
Friend : I'm so hungry, actually. I'm starving.
Friend : Yeah, I'm dying.
Sarah Silverman : This is, like, my dinner.
[Sarah gives them a small bottle of water which she had earlier rejected. They take it with disappointment]
-
[the show is over, and Sarah wants her friends to leave so that she can have some private time to relax]
Sarah Silverman : Well, thanks for coming by. And, uh, I'm sorry, I just need some, kind of some, like, me, alone.
Friend : Oh, totally!
Friend : Oh, yeah, you just got here.
Friend : Of course.
[Sarah stares expectantly at them]
Friend : Well, we'll just, we'll call you and...
Sarah Silverman : Like, NOW.
Friend : And, um. Okay.
Sarah Silverman : [fake cheerily] No, it's okay.
Friend : Um, great job!
Friend : Go get a drink? No? We're gonna go get a drink, and...
[He looks at Sarah, hoping that she will want to go out for a drink]
Sarah Silverman : Well, have a good time!
[Awkward silence. The friends look longingly at the food again]
Friend : All right. It was awesome.
Sarah Silverman : Oh, I know!
