Ready When You Are Mr. McGill (2003 TV Movie)

Tony Maudsley: Ted

Quotes 

• [Ted is explaining his idea for a new TV series which features twin brothers who are civil engineers] 

  Elliot Nichols : You're on slightly shaky ground here, son. Who play the brothers?

  Ted : How do you mean?

  Roland : What actors are you proposing?

  Ted : Actors? I dunno. I haven't really thought about actors. The brothers' characters...

  Phil Parish : Ted, Ted, love, with respect, sod the characters. What you have to...

  Ted : But the whole story revolves around...

  Roland : Sod the story. Who are the stars? The big names.

  Elliot Nichols : That's the bottom line. If you want to get your series on TV, 1: get your stars; 2: make it about police, detectives or doctors. OK?

  Phil Parish : These twin brothers, Ted. Which one's gay?

  Ted : They've got girlfriends.

  Roland : Are *they* in the police?

  Ted : No.

  Phil Parish : And one of *them's* gay?

  Ted : No.

  Roland : It's no good for Channel 4, then.

  Elliot Nichols : So hang on. Let me get my head around this? Who's shagging who? Is one of the brothers shagging the other brother's bird?

  Ted : No, there is no shagging.

  Roland : No good for ITV, then. Or the BBC. Or Channel 4. Or Five.

  Phil Parish : [Phil's watch alarm bleeps]  Ah. I better go. Busy busy. I hope that's helped.

  Ted : The brothers are building this bridge, right. You see the thing about this bridge is...

  Roland : Ted, TV is quizzes or cooking or gardening or DIY or drama. And drama! is either handcuffs or stethoscopes. Not about building bridg! es. Your idea's a bit too avant-garde.

  Elliot Nichols : And it'll still need stars, detectives and doctors.

  Roland : And shagging.

  Elliot Nichols : And shagging. Never underestimate the intelligence of the viewing public.