Memorable quotes for
The Pink Panther (2006) More at IMDbPro »

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Without warning, I will attack you. In this way, I will keep you vigilant and alert.
[attacks Ponton, but Ponton hits Clouseau]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Good one.
Ponton: Thank you.

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[repeated line]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Good one.

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Ponton: You never cease to surprise me, sir.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: It's true. My surprises, they are rarely unexpected.

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Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Stop browbeating her! Can't you see she is sexy?

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Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I would like to take a closer look at your bawls.
Larocque: My what?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Your bawls. Your big, brass bawls.
Larocque: Uh, sure.
[starts to unzip pants]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [Picks up brass bowl on table and examines it]

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Nigel Boswell/Agent 006: Boswell. Nigel Boswell. 006. You know what that means?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Of course! It means you are one away from the big time.

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French journalist: Inspector, do you know if the killer was a man or woman?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Well of course I know that! What else is there? A kitten?

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Inspector Jacques Clouseau: What? What did you say?
Ponton: Nothing.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You mean, you didn't just say: Stop the car, dear God, I beg of you, stop the car?

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Chief Inspector Dreyfus: When I first heard the name Clouseau, he was a little nothing. Just another police officer in a small village far from Paris. He was the village idiot, I think.

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Chief Inspector Dreyfus: I had been nominated for the Medal of Honor. I have been so nominated seven times. I have never won. Still, seven times, that is something.

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Ponton: [after Xania has invited Clouseau to dinner] It could be a trap.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Who cares?

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Inspector Jacques Clouseau: A Woman is like an artichoke, you must work hard to get to her heart.

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Ponton: He was just found dead in a training facility locker room. Shot in the head.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Was it fatal?
Ponton: Yes.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: How fatal?
Ponton: Um, completely.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I want to talk to him now!

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Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Is there anyone with you?
Yuri: No.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Are you carrying a pair of high heels in that bag?
Yuri: No.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Not even a small pair of pumps?
Yuri: No.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Who are you?
Yuri: I'm Yuri, the trainer.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And what is it you do, Yuri the trainer?
Yuri: I train.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: So, you are Yuri the trainer who trains.
Yuri: [looks down]

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[repeated line]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You are Yuri the trainer who trains.

---

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [asking Ponton about his wife] Tell me about her.
Ponton: I consider her the most beautiful woman in the world.
[pauses]
Ponton: What about yourself?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: No, I don't consider myself a beautiful woman.

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Inspector Jacques Clouseau: The good-cop/bad-cop routine is working perfectly.
Ponton: You know, usually two different cops do that.

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Nicole: Would you like me to stay behind and help you?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: That is a generous offer, Nicole. But I am quite sensitive to office gender politics. And in today's world, the slightest gesture can be misinterpreted as harrasment. And it is late, and I would prefer not to put you or me into that delicate situation. Agreed?
Nicole: Yes, I agree.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [gives her a quick kiss on her lips] Well, lets seal it with a kiss. And I'll get back to work.
[slaps her on her butt as she goes out]

---

[accidentally drops a pill of Viagra into the sink]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: My miracle pill for the middle-aged man!

---

[footsteps are heard in the background]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Shhhh! Footsteps. It's a young woman... 30 to 35 years old... 5'2" ,5'4", brunette. And she is wearing high heels. Perhaps a bit too formal for the afternoon. And she has on... Chanel N°5.
[a male in his forties walks in]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Is anyone with you?
Yuri: No.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Do you have a pair of high heels in that bag?
Yuri: No.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Not even a small pair of pumps?
Yuri: No.

---

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You are Yuri the trainer who trains.
Yuri: Yeah, that's right.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I am looking for a dead body. Perhaps you can tell me where it is.
Yuri: Oh, yeah. I heard it was in the locker room. You go down the hall, make a right and two lefts.
[seeing that Clouseau has almost burst into laughter and is trying to control it]
Yuri: You are finding something amusing here?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I'll be honest with you. I - I find your accent quite funny. Where are you fvam?
Yuri: From Russia. Gluant recruited me from the Russian military gym.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [mocking him] "do-do-do-ba-ba-lo"
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You need to work on your accent.
Yuri: What?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: What?
Yuri: What? What?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: What?
Yuri: What?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I don't have time for this. I have to solve a murder.

---

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Someone had words with Gluant... the night before he was killed.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [points his hand to a guard all of a sudden, releasing a vase stuck in his left hand, and Ponton, who was standing next to the guard catches it in time] Didn't you?
Larocque's Guard: No.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You didn't threaten to brek his legs and then crush him into powder?
Larocque's Guard: [confused] No.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Perhaps I saw that on TV.

---

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Monsieur Larocque.
Larocque: Yes.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [talking about the vase stuck on his right hand] Is this vase of great value?
Larocque: It is a worthless imitation.
[slams the vase on the nearby desk in order to break it, but ends up breaking both the vase and the table in the process]
Larocque: But that desk was... priceless.

---

Ponton: Have you ever had a hamburger?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Well, of course not. It's a disgusting American food.
[starts eating the hamburger he was holding and enjoys it]

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[trying to teach Clouseau an English accent]
Dialect Instructor: I would like to buy a hamburger.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I would like to buy a "damburgen".
Dialect Instructor: I would like to buy a ham-bur-ger.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I would like to buy a "damburgen".
Dialect Instructor: I would like to buy a hamburger!
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I would like to buy a "damburgen"!

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Nicole: Do you live alone, Inspector?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Yes, I do.
Nicole: Do you ever get lonely?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: No. Not since the Internet.

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Chief Inspector Dreyfus: He's very easy to spot. He's got white hair, a thin mustache... Brimming with confidence, and *completely* lost.

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Agent 006: I'm not supposed to be here, remember?

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Ponton: [chasing masked assassin]
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: It's Clouseau. Arrest him.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [running after Ponton]
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: ...Which one is he?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [falls off banister]
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: That would be him.

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Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [walking around the room] It is... lovely weather we are having. I hope the weather continues.
[chops curtain, table, etc., usually breaking something]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: The area is secure.

---

Bizu: [referring to Gluant] And now he's pushing up the daisies.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: He is not 'pushing up the daisies,' he is DEAD!
Bizu: [glares] It's an idiom!
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: *You*, sir, are the idiom.

---

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Do not leave Europe!
Yuri: But we have matches in Asia.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: All right. Do not leave Europe or Asia!
Yuri: And we also have a match in Brazil.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Do not leave Europe, Asia, or the Americas!

---

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Let's seal it with a kiss.

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[repeated line]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Newspapers!
[places newspaper over his face]

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Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Yes, politics. Where greed wears the mask of morality.
Nicole: That's good. Did you say that?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [looks around] Yes, I did.

---

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [about Bizu] It's amazing how he fell perfectly into the drawing on the floor.

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Nicole: I've been looking for you two all over! Were the hell have you been?

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Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Did you say that booth was soundproof?
Roland Saint-Germain: Yes.
[walks into the booth and farts, everyone can hear him by the "turned on" microphone]

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Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [after falling through the ceiling, to the desk clerk] We need fresh towels in 204.

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Nigel Boswell/Agent 006: It is very important that you remain calm and do not turn around
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Remain calm, do not turn around
Nigel Boswell/Agent 006: Behind you in the casino are the Gas Mask Bandits
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [turning around and not remaining calm] Oh my God. Ze Gas Mask Bandits

---

Female Reporter: Inspector!
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Yes.
Female Reporter: Yes, what is your initial premise?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: That Gluant did not want to be killed. Everthing else follows like liquid mercury flowing down a - a - a sloping thing.
Female Reporter: How long do you think it will take to find the killer?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Right now the killer is being surrounded by a web of deduction, forensic science and the latest in technology such as two-way radios and e-mail.

---

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And you are?
Ponton: Gilbert Ponton. Detective, second class. I've been assigned to work with you.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And what qualifications do you have for police work?
Ponton: My family's done police work in Paris for nine generations.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And before that?
Ponton: We were policemen in the surrounding areas for 200 years.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And before that?
Ponton: Immigrants from various countries in Europe all involving police work.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And before that?
Ponton: Farmers.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Hmm. So you are a little lamb who has come to Clouseau for to learn.

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[last lines]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Ooh... that breeze feels good.

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Inspector Jacques Clouseau: The day before the murder, you were seen hitting the victim and saying... what?
Ponton: 'I am going to kill you, I am going to kill you'

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Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You see, I have waited a long time to prove myself, and now I have been given the opportunity of a lifetime. I intend to show the world exactly who I am and what I can do. I must not fail.

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Chief Inspector Dreyfus: Find him. His name is... Clouseau.

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