Bonjour Monsieur Shlomi (2003)
Oshri Cohen: Shlomi Bar-Dayan
Photos
Quotes
-
[Lines that appear several times in the film, slightly varied and from differing characters]
Doron Bar-Dayan : Don't worry. She'll come back on all fours.
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : On all fours? What is she, a cat?
-
Doron Bar-Dayan : Tell me what she said.
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : She asked if we're brothers and said we didn't look alike, that I'm better looking or something. What's so funny?
Doron Bar-Dayan : You may be better looking, but I have a huge dick.
-
Ruhama Bar-Dayan : Did you have the geography test today?
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : Math.
Ruhama Bar-Dayan : Did you do good?
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : No.
Ruhama Bar-Dayan : Never mind.
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : They'll end up kicking me out.
Ruhama Bar-Dayan : Oh, no, they won't. I'll make a scene they'll never forget. You were such a whiz kid when you were little. You knew the whole multiplication table by heart. The minute you started school you turned into a dummy.
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : Mom, cut it out.
Ruhama Bar-Dayan : Just finish high school so you'll be like everyone else, go to the army, work at a restaurant, and one day you'll have your own. You don't have to be a genius to be a cook. Look at what's-his-name on TV, that cook.
-
Robert Bar-Dayan : And how's Grandmpa? Does he ask about me?
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : No.
Robert Bar-Dayan : See? He'll be sorry for siding with his daughter-in-law instead of his son. Do I deserve this? What did I do?
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : You cheated on Mom.
Robert Bar-Dayan : Don't talk to me like that, Shlomi. I'm sensitive.
-
Headmaster Avihu : What are you thinking about?
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : I'm contemplating.
Headmaster Avihu : About what?
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : What to make for lunch.
Headmaster Avihu : What?
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : Fish patties or lasagna.
Headmaster Avihu : [laughing] Does cooking relax you?
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : No, but it relaxes the ones who eat.
-
Grandfather Bar-Dayan : Monsier Shalom, get out of here.
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : What?
Grandfather Bar-Dayan : Take the money I put aside for you and get out of here.
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : What money?
Grandfather Bar-Dayan : Twenty shekels for every meal you fixed. Fifteen shekels for a bath, ten shekels for a shampoo.
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : You're dreaming again, Grandpa.
Grandfather Bar-Dayan : The money's in our book and don't worry about me. I'll be leaving soon, too.
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : Grandpa, stop it.
Grandfather Bar-Dayan : [as he falls asleep] Go, join the partisans, go up into the mountains, take over Tokyo before its too late. Take over Tokyo...
-
Grandfather Bar-Dayan : [noting Shlomi's sullenness] Who's the girl who broke your heart? Listen to me: girls are like buses - if you miss one, another one will come along. Girls are like mirrors: you see yourself, your dimples and your pimples.
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : I thought girls were like busses.
Grandfather Bar-Dayan : Like busses, like mirrors, like nooses - the tighter the knot, the harder you get.
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : What?
Grandfather Bar-Dayan : Yeah. Men getting hanged have a hard-on. That's science.
[Grandpa turns back to gazing out the window - his favorite past-time]
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : What do you keep looking at?
Grandfather Bar-Dayan : The sky.
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : Why?
Grandfather Bar-Dayan : Sometimes it's blue, sometimes it's clear. There are clouds, stars, lightning, many things. They each do their own thing and don't get in each other's way.
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : What's gonna happen to you, Grandpa?
Grandfather Bar-Dayan : What do you mean?
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : If I go away.
Grandfather Bar-Dayan : Where to?
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : To school, for instance.
Grandfather Bar-Dayan : School's good. I'm all for that.
Shlomi Bar-Dayan : But what about you? Who'll give you a bath and feed you?
Grandfather Bar-Dayan : What do you care? Why do you have to butt in on everything? If you close your eyes, will the sky come falling down? I have news for you - it won't. And you, Shlomi, find your mirror and get on your bus and stop worrying about me. I've been worried about enough in my life.