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The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)
Luke Duke:
Yes. Yes. Wow. Ooh!
[looking at guy on campus]
Luke Duke: [to Bo] You've got to keep an open mind in college.
[pats Bo on the rear]
[from trailer]
Luke Duke: Buckle up, ladies, this might get exciting.
Cop: What seems to be the problem, sugar?
Daisy Duke: I think something bounced up into my undercarriage.
Bo Duke: Luke, you manwhore!
Uncle Jesse: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
Luke Duke: What?
Uncle Jesse: A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.
Daisy Duke: You know what's gonna happen. They're gonna get caught and get thrown in jail. Then I'm gonna have to shake my ass at somebody to get them out.
Uncle Jesse: That's why we love ya, honey.
Daisy Duke: They planted a still on our farm.
Pauline: They *planted* a still? Why would they have to plant a still?
Daisy Duke: 'Cause they're too damn dumb to find our real still.
Uncle Jesse: What do you call a farmer with a sheep under each arm?
Luke Duke: What?
Uncle Jesse: A playboy.
Campus Cop #1: Do you know how fast you were going?
Bo Duke: What?
Campus Cop #2: How fast you were going.
Bo Duke: Ten?
Campus Cop #1: Eight.
Bo Duke: Isn't the speed limit ten?
Campus Cop #1: Yeah. It is.
[as the Dukes drive into Atlanta]
Female Passenger: Nice roof assholes... Join us in the 21st century?
[shoots the Dukes the double bird]
Bo Duke: Hey Man, don't hit him! That's AJ Foyt!
Luke Duke: Really?
Race Car Driver #1: The Fourth!
Bo Duke: [after shooting a gas can with a flaming arrow] Boom-shakalaka!
Uncle Jesse: Why are divorces so expensive?
Luke Duke: Why?
Uncle Jesse: 'Cause they're *worth* it!
Bo Duke: [Looking at the newly-restored General Lee] Oh, man, is that a Hemi? Oh, yes!
Boss Hogg: I want that road blocked tighter than a tick's ass!
Boss Hogg: I have $100 for whoever knocks that loudmouth son of a bitch out.
Uncle Jesse: [after Luke crashes through a police roadblock] Give me your goddamn licence!
Luke Duke: What license?
[from trailer]
Prisoner #2: [to Boss Hogg] Don't you know you're not supposed to wear white after Labor Day?
Prisoner #1: Dontcha know you're not supposed to wear white after Labor Day?
Bo Duke: Now, lets not loose focus Royce.
Royce: Yes, Mr. Takanoshi.
Bo Duke: What'd you call me?
Royce: ...Mr. Takanoshi.
Bo Duke: Right, that's my name.
Bo Duke: Man, I'm already tired of walking.
Luke Duke: Yea, but you need the exercise though, them jeans are looking tighter than Daisy's.
Uncle Jesse: How's it lookin, good lookin?
Bo Duke: Hey Roscoe, come on out you fat som' bitch!
Luke Duke: You thinkin' about throwin' that?
Uncle Jesse: Oh, I'm gonna throw it... I was thinkin' about pussy.
Bo Duke: Hey, Roscoe!
Luke Duke: Hi, Boo-Boo!
Uncle Jesse: You know what happens when a politician takes Viagra? He gets taller!
Uncle Jesse: Here's another one; drunk walks out of a bar and runs into a guy carrying an antique grandfather clock. The guy drops the clock, breaking into a million pieces. He looks at the drunk and says, "Why don't you watch where you're going?" The drunk looks at him and says, "Why don't you carry a wristwatch like everybody else?"
Daisy Duke: [Boss Hogg has just had Bo and Luke arrested] Wait a minute, the governor has something to say.
Governor Jim Applewhite: What do I have to say?
Daisy Duke: You know, about how these boys are environmentalist heroes for stopping the strip mining of Hazzard County and how in return you're going to pardon them for all of their crimes.
Governor Jim Applewhite: Okay, friends, as you know, I've always been a friend of the environment and since these boys just saved this area from being exploited and strip mined, I've decided to pardon them for any and all crimes they have committed in the great state of Georgia.
Uncle Jesse: Wait a minute; I wanna thank you for pardoning me too.
Governor Jim Applewhite: What am I pardoning you for?
Uncle Jesse: For this!
[Uncle Jesse slugs Boss Hogg, knocking him out]
Daisy Duke: [Daisy walks into the sheriff's office wearing a very revealing bikini] Enos?
[leans in very close to him]
Daisy Duke: where's Boss Hogg holding Uncle Jesse and Pauline?
Deputy Enos Strate: Uh, out at your farm.
Daisy Duke: Thanks, Enos.
[gets up and walks off smiling]
Daisy Duke: That's got to be a new record.
Katie Johnson: This is my roommate Annette from Australia.
Bo Duke: Oh, let's put another shrimp on the barbie!
[everyone stares at him]
Bo Duke: That's what they say down there...
Bo Duke: Man, I'm never gonna get out of this car again! I'm gonna live in it, I'm gonna eat in it, and I'm gonna make sweet love to it!
Luke Duke: You mean you're gonna make sweet love *in* it.
Bo Duke: Oh no, I'm gonna have sex with it.
Cooter: [talking about the General Lee] I'm fixin' to fix it.
Rosco P. Coltrane: You're fixin' to fix it? Boy, you couldn't fix an election if your brother was the governor.
Deputy Enos Strate: If Sheriff Rosco knew I was here, Boss Hogg would tan my hide.
Luke Duke: He spanks you?
Campus Cop #1: [as the General Lee peels away from campus police] Mother of God...
Luke Duke: [Uncle Jesse takes a big gulp of moonshine while being pursued by the police] Stop that! Why are doin' that?
Uncle Jesse: What I'm about to do, I don't want to remember a lot of it.
[lights a wick in the jar and throws it at the police car chasing them]
Prisoner #1: Whoo, P! If you pop a feather in that hat maybe your man-hoe's would show you a little bit more respect, huzzah!
Boss Hogg: I have $100 here for whoever knocks that loudmouth son of a bitch out.
Prisoner #2: [punches Prisoner #1 in the face]
Daisy Duke: I think something bounced up in my undercarriage.
Bo Duke: [Bo and Luke are mad at each other, this is before they drive the general lee up the incline of a freeway bridge] Have you made your peace with God yet luke, Because you're about to meet your maker!
Royce: Are you really Japanese?
Luke Duke: Dammit, we are high-powered Japanese executives. We work hard and we play even harder. Now tell us what you see there or we'll find ourselves another candidate over at Georgia Polytech.
Sheev: [Bo, luke, and Sheev are about to blow open a safe, but the fuse goes out] Hmm, must be a wet fuse.
Bo Duke: Maybe its backwards.
Sheev: Of course its supposed to be backwards it's a Chinese fuse.
Bo Duke: No, I mean its backwards from the way it's supposed to be.
Sheev: Have you ever been to China? Have you ever been to China?
Bo Duke: I ate Chinese food once.
Sheev: Yea, well you don't blow up Mu Shu Pork my friend
Dil Driscoll: [after daisy beats up Dil for sweet talking her] So uh Bo, what's the story on that little pistol over there?
Bo Duke: Well, actually she's my cousin.
Dil Driscoll: You hittn' that?
Bo Duke: She's my cousin.
Dil Driscoll: Hopefully your kissing cousin.
Bo Duke: Excuse me?
Dil Driscoll: Son,i guess all I'm asking is, if you shuck her corn.
The Balladeer: [while bo laughs with them and takes a drink, the balladeer speaks] Now there's some things you don't say to a Duke, about another Duke.
Bo Duke: [Bo finishes his drink] I'll shuck your corn!
[this is when the bar fight begins]
Bo Duke: [while driving General Lee in a roundabout] What's the purpose of this circle?
Luke Duke: Were you wearing an armadillo helmet when you said it?
Sheev: Have you ever been to China? Have you ever been to China?
Bo Duke: I ate Chinese food once
Sheev: Yea, well you don't blow up Mu Shu Pork my friend.
Bo Duke: I dated a Koren girl in high school.
Sheev: That is an entirely different Oriental nation. Get an education.
Bo Duke: You’re the one who got the fuse wrong.
Sheev: You know nothing about Chyno Syno American relations.
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board
trailer
details
[looking at guy on campus]
Luke Duke: [to Bo] You've got to keep an open mind in college.
[pats Bo on the rear]
[from trailer]
Luke Duke: Buckle up, ladies, this might get exciting.
Cop: What seems to be the problem, sugar?
Daisy Duke: I think something bounced up into my undercarriage.
Bo Duke: Luke, you manwhore!
Uncle Jesse: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
Luke Duke: What?
Uncle Jesse: A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.
Daisy Duke: You know what's gonna happen. They're gonna get caught and get thrown in jail. Then I'm gonna have to shake my ass at somebody to get them out.
Uncle Jesse: That's why we love ya, honey.
Daisy Duke: They planted a still on our farm.
Pauline: They *planted* a still? Why would they have to plant a still?
Daisy Duke: 'Cause they're too damn dumb to find our real still.
Uncle Jesse: What do you call a farmer with a sheep under each arm?
Luke Duke: What?
Uncle Jesse: A playboy.
Campus Cop #1: Do you know how fast you were going?
Bo Duke: What?
Campus Cop #2: How fast you were going.
Bo Duke: Ten?
Campus Cop #1: Eight.
Bo Duke: Isn't the speed limit ten?
Campus Cop #1: Yeah. It is.
[as the Dukes drive into Atlanta]
Female Passenger: Nice roof assholes... Join us in the 21st century?
[shoots the Dukes the double bird]
Bo Duke: Hey Man, don't hit him! That's AJ Foyt!
Luke Duke: Really?
Race Car Driver #1: The Fourth!
Bo Duke: [after shooting a gas can with a flaming arrow] Boom-shakalaka!
Uncle Jesse: Why are divorces so expensive?
Luke Duke: Why?
Uncle Jesse: 'Cause they're *worth* it!
Bo Duke: [Looking at the newly-restored General Lee] Oh, man, is that a Hemi? Oh, yes!
Boss Hogg: I want that road blocked tighter than a tick's ass!
Boss Hogg: I have $100 for whoever knocks that loudmouth son of a bitch out.
Uncle Jesse: [after Luke crashes through a police roadblock] Give me your goddamn licence!
Luke Duke: What license?
[from trailer]
Prisoner #2: [to Boss Hogg] Don't you know you're not supposed to wear white after Labor Day?
Prisoner #1: Dontcha know you're not supposed to wear white after Labor Day?
Bo Duke: Now, lets not loose focus Royce.
Royce: Yes, Mr. Takanoshi.
Bo Duke: What'd you call me?
Royce: ...Mr. Takanoshi.
Bo Duke: Right, that's my name.
Bo Duke: Man, I'm already tired of walking.
Luke Duke: Yea, but you need the exercise though, them jeans are looking tighter than Daisy's.
Uncle Jesse: How's it lookin, good lookin?
Bo Duke: Hey Roscoe, come on out you fat som' bitch!
Luke Duke: You thinkin' about throwin' that?
Uncle Jesse: Oh, I'm gonna throw it... I was thinkin' about pussy.
Bo Duke: Hey, Roscoe!
Luke Duke: Hi, Boo-Boo!
Uncle Jesse: You know what happens when a politician takes Viagra? He gets taller!
Uncle Jesse: Here's another one; drunk walks out of a bar and runs into a guy carrying an antique grandfather clock. The guy drops the clock, breaking into a million pieces. He looks at the drunk and says, "Why don't you watch where you're going?" The drunk looks at him and says, "Why don't you carry a wristwatch like everybody else?"
Daisy Duke: [Boss Hogg has just had Bo and Luke arrested] Wait a minute, the governor has something to say.
Governor Jim Applewhite: What do I have to say?
Daisy Duke: You know, about how these boys are environmentalist heroes for stopping the strip mining of Hazzard County and how in return you're going to pardon them for all of their crimes.
Governor Jim Applewhite: Okay, friends, as you know, I've always been a friend of the environment and since these boys just saved this area from being exploited and strip mined, I've decided to pardon them for any and all crimes they have committed in the great state of Georgia.
Uncle Jesse: Wait a minute; I wanna thank you for pardoning me too.
Governor Jim Applewhite: What am I pardoning you for?
Uncle Jesse: For this!
[Uncle Jesse slugs Boss Hogg, knocking him out]
Daisy Duke: [Daisy walks into the sheriff's office wearing a very revealing bikini] Enos?
[leans in very close to him]
Daisy Duke: where's Boss Hogg holding Uncle Jesse and Pauline?
Deputy Enos Strate: Uh, out at your farm.
Daisy Duke: Thanks, Enos.
[gets up and walks off smiling]
Daisy Duke: That's got to be a new record.
Katie Johnson: This is my roommate Annette from Australia.
Bo Duke: Oh, let's put another shrimp on the barbie!
[everyone stares at him]
Bo Duke: That's what they say down there...
Bo Duke: Man, I'm never gonna get out of this car again! I'm gonna live in it, I'm gonna eat in it, and I'm gonna make sweet love to it!
Luke Duke: You mean you're gonna make sweet love *in* it.
Bo Duke: Oh no, I'm gonna have sex with it.
Cooter: [talking about the General Lee] I'm fixin' to fix it.
Rosco P. Coltrane: You're fixin' to fix it? Boy, you couldn't fix an election if your brother was the governor.
Deputy Enos Strate: If Sheriff Rosco knew I was here, Boss Hogg would tan my hide.
Luke Duke: He spanks you?
Campus Cop #1: [as the General Lee peels away from campus police] Mother of God...
Luke Duke: [Uncle Jesse takes a big gulp of moonshine while being pursued by the police] Stop that! Why are doin' that?
Uncle Jesse: What I'm about to do, I don't want to remember a lot of it.
[lights a wick in the jar and throws it at the police car chasing them]
Prisoner #1: Whoo, P! If you pop a feather in that hat maybe your man-hoe's would show you a little bit more respect, huzzah!
Boss Hogg: I have $100 here for whoever knocks that loudmouth son of a bitch out.
Prisoner #2: [punches Prisoner #1 in the face]
Daisy Duke: I think something bounced up in my undercarriage.
Bo Duke: [Bo and Luke are mad at each other, this is before they drive the general lee up the incline of a freeway bridge] Have you made your peace with God yet luke, Because you're about to meet your maker!
Royce: Are you really Japanese?
Luke Duke: Dammit, we are high-powered Japanese executives. We work hard and we play even harder. Now tell us what you see there or we'll find ourselves another candidate over at Georgia Polytech.
Sheev: [Bo, luke, and Sheev are about to blow open a safe, but the fuse goes out] Hmm, must be a wet fuse.
Bo Duke: Maybe its backwards.
Sheev: Of course its supposed to be backwards it's a Chinese fuse.
Bo Duke: No, I mean its backwards from the way it's supposed to be.
Sheev: Have you ever been to China? Have you ever been to China?
Bo Duke: I ate Chinese food once.
Sheev: Yea, well you don't blow up Mu Shu Pork my friend
Dil Driscoll: [after daisy beats up Dil for sweet talking her] So uh Bo, what's the story on that little pistol over there?
Bo Duke: Well, actually she's my cousin.
Dil Driscoll: You hittn' that?
Bo Duke: She's my cousin.
Dil Driscoll: Hopefully your kissing cousin.
Bo Duke: Excuse me?
Dil Driscoll: Son,i guess all I'm asking is, if you shuck her corn.
The Balladeer: [while bo laughs with them and takes a drink, the balladeer speaks] Now there's some things you don't say to a Duke, about another Duke.
Bo Duke: [Bo finishes his drink] I'll shuck your corn!
[this is when the bar fight begins]
Bo Duke: [while driving General Lee in a roundabout] What's the purpose of this circle?
Luke Duke: Were you wearing an armadillo helmet when you said it?
Sheev: Have you ever been to China? Have you ever been to China?
Bo Duke: I ate Chinese food once
Sheev: Yea, well you don't blow up Mu Shu Pork my friend.
Bo Duke: I dated a Koren girl in high school.
Sheev: That is an entirely different Oriental nation. Get an education.
Bo Duke: You’re the one who got the fuse wrong.
Sheev: You know nothing about Chyno Syno American relations.
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