Joey (2004–2006)

Paulo Costanzo: Michael Tribbiani

Photos 

Quotes 

• Joey : [after hearing what Michael has been up to in grad school; laughing]  What are you, a rocket scientist?

  Michael : ...Yes.

• Joey : I just wish I had a regular place where I could go and meet women.

  Michael : You could go to bars.

  Joey : Nah, I'm getting too old for that. Plus I'm not great at telling whether or not they're gay bars before I go in. Oh by the way, if Ramon calls, I am not here.

• Michael : You know what it's like to have someone who's like you, but just a little bit better?

  Joey : Yeah. Johnny Depp.

• Joey : Michael, you have to seize this moment. The love between two nerds is a rare and fragile thing.

  Michael : I want to. I can't go against the rules without a motion being passed.

  Joey : So, I'll make a motion.

  Michael : You're not a member. There's an approval process.

  Joey : Well, I motion you suspend it on account of me being the sole payer of rent for the book club's headquarters.

  Michael : I second the motion. The motion is passed

  Joey : I motion for a presidential exemption to the no-dating rule.

  Michael : I second the motion. The motion is passed.

  Joey : I motion that you and me eat that entire ice cream cake right now.

  Michael : Motion denied.

  Joey : Mr. Chairman, you're out of order!

• Joey : [joey is late for the tonight show because he is stuck in a traffic game]  Alright, I'm gonna have to run for it. How far away are we?

  Michael : Nine miles.

  Joey : Okay, nine miles in fourty-five minutes. Can I do that?

  Michael : Are you a Kenyan man with a number on your back?

  Joey : I don't know what that means. Alright, I'm gonna give it a shot.

  [joey starts running, after a second he returns] 

  Joey : Aggrevated an old injury...

  Michael : Football?

  Joey : No, no. Threesome.

• Michael : Did you know that the laws of physics suggest that the curve ball is actually impossible?

  Joey : Why do you have to ruin stuff like that? Huh? The curve ball is impossible. Don't eat that, it's solid mold. That's not a dog, it's a possum. Stop letting it lick your face. Why?

• Michael : I'm 20 years old, you know? I'm too old to be living with my mom. All the kids at school make fun of me. And it's not like they're the cool kids. They're not quarterbacks. They're engineers.

• Joey : Do you find me threatening?

  Michael : [frightened]  Not until this very minute!

• Michael : I hate Pornography, I hate that it's a part of our Culture!

• Joey : Did you know that the girl next door was married?

  Michael : I can't talk to that girl. Sssshhhe makes my stutter come back.

• Joey : We could walk around here naked!

  Michael : Yeah! But let's NOT.

• Gina : I'm curious as to what was so important, that it couldn't wait until the end of "Jag".

  Michael : Mom, sit down we have something important to tell you.

  Gina : Oh my God, "Jag" got cancelled!

• Michael : What is the best news I could give you?

  Joey : They fixed the vending machine? Ooo, we got a ping pong table? Oh wait, Kool and the Gang got back together?

• Michael : How does my swing look?

  Joey : Like you're good at science.

• Michael : ... I know a great line to get out of that.

  Joey : [Joey looks closely at Michael]  Last night you became a man. Just a minute ago, you became a Tribbiani.

• Michael : Do you think there's a chance?

  Joey : She would eat you alive.