Two and a Half Men (2003–2015)
Angus T. Jones: Jake Harper, Marlene Melnick
Photos
Quotes
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Alan Harper : You're writing a report on The Taming Of The Shrew, not The Voyages Of Cap'n Crunch!
Jake Harper : Too bad. I could write the crap out of that.
Alan Harper : Okay... I'm not fooling around here...! You're gonna finish this DAMN BOOK and write the DAMN REPORT, and you're gonna hand it in on Monday, spell-checked, formatted AND ON FREAKIN' TIME!
Jake Harper : I have my doubts, dad.
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Alan Harper : A movie would be fine.
Charlie : All right. A movie it is. What's out that's good?
Jake Harper : There's a new pirate movie. It's rated "Arrrr"!
[Alan and Charlie doesn't laugh and just stare at him]
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Jake Harper : [from blooper reel] Uncle Charlie, you're a dick.
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Alan Harper : A little religion isn't gonna kill you.
Jake Harper : Oh, yeah? What's *your* definition of "bloodsoaked vengeance"?