The Room (2003)
Tommy Wiseau: Johnny
Photos
Quotes
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Johnny : YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!
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[Johnny walks to the apartment rooftop]
Johnny : I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her!
[throws water bottle]
Johnny : I did *not*. Oh hi, Mark.
Mark : Oh, hey Johnny, what's up?
Johnny : I have a problem with Lisa. She says that I hit her.
Mark : What? Did you?
Johnny : [sits down] No, it's not true. Don't even ask. What's new with you?
Mark : I'm just sitting up here thinking, you know. I got a question for you.
Johnny : Yeah?
Mark : You think girls like to cheat like guys do?
Johnny : What makes you say that?
Mark : [gets up] I don't know. I don't know. I'm just... I'm just thinking.
Johnny : I don't have to worry about that because Lisa is loyal to me.
Mark : Yeah, man, you'll never know. People are very strange these days. I used to know a girl; she had a dozen guys. One of them found out about it... beat her up so bad she ended up at a hospital on Guerrero Street.
Johnny : Ha ha ha. What a story, Mark.
[gets up]
Mark : Yeah, you can say that again.
Johnny : I'm so happy I have you as my best friend, and I love Lisa so much.
Mark : Yeah, man. Yeah, you are very lucky.
Johnny : Well, maybe you should have a girl, Mark.
Mark : [pauses, then walks forward] Yeah. Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe I have one already. I don't know yet.
Johnny : Well, what happened? Remember Betty? That's her name?
Mark : Betty? Yeah. Yeah, we don't see each other anymore. You know, she wasn't any good in bed. She was beautiful, but we had too many arguments.
Johnny : That's too bad. My Lisa's great whenever I get it.
Mark : [sits down] Oh man, I just can't figure women out. Sometimes they're just too smart. Sometimes they're just flat-out stupid. Other times they're just evil.
Johnny : It seems to me that you're the expert, Mark.
[sits down]
Mark : No. Definitely not an expert, Johnny.
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Johnny : Thank you, honey, this is a beautiful party! You invited all my friends. Good thinking!
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Johnny : [walks into flower shop] Hi.
Flower Shop Clerk : Can I help you?
Johnny : Yeah, can I have a dozen red roses, please?
Flower Shop Clerk : Oh, hi, Johnny. I didn't know it was you.
[grabs bouquet of roses]
Flower Shop Clerk : Here you go.
Johnny : That's me. How much is it?
Flower Shop Clerk : It'll be eighteen dollars.
Johnny : [hands over cash] Here you go. Keep the change.
[grabs flowers and pats dog on the counter]
Johnny : Hi, doggy.
Flower Shop Clerk : You're my favorite customer.
Johnny : Thanks a lot. Bye!
Flower Shop Clerk : Buh-bye!
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Johnny : Everybody betrayed me! I'm fed up with this world!
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Johnny : I'm tired, I'm wasted... I love you, darling!
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Johnny : Don't touch me, motherfucker - geddout.
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Mike : Hi Johnny, what's going on?
Johnny : Oh hai Mike, what's new?
Mike : Oh, actually Johnny, I got a, I got a little bit of a, tragedy.
Johnny : Uh-huh.
Mike : On my hands... yeah. Me and... Michelle, we were... we were making out, uh, in your place?
Johnny : Hahaha.
Mike : And, Lisa and Claudette sort of, uh, walked in on us. In the middle of it. That's not the end of the story.
Johnny : Go on, I'm listening.
Mike : OK. We're go-we're going at it, and um, I get out of there as fast as possible, you know, I-I get my pants, I get my shirt, and I get out of there. And then about halfway down the stairs I realise that I, I have misplaced, I have forgotten, something.
Johnny : Mmm-mmm.
Mike : Uh... my underwear.
Johnny : Hahaha.
Mike : So, pft, so I come back to get it, you know, I pretend I need a book...
Johnny : Uh-huh.
Mike : I'm looking for my book, and I-I-I reach in and put the underwear in my pocket ready to slide out real quick?
Johnny : Uh-huh.
Mike : Well Claudette, she saw it, sticking out, of my pocket?
Johnny : Uh-huh.
Mike : She pulls it out, and she's showing everybody... me underwears.
Johnny : You must be kidding, underwear, I got the picture.
Mike : Yeah, I don't know what to do.
Johnny : That's life!
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Johnny : If a lot of people love each other, the world would be a better place to live,
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Peter : Speaking of which, how did you meet Lisa? You never told us.
Johnny : Oh, that's very interesting story, when I moved to San Francisco with two suitcases and I didn't know anyone, and I have, I hit YMCA with a $2000 check that I couldn't cash.
Mark : Why not?
Johnny : Well, because it was an out of state bank. Anyway, I was working as a busboy in hotel, and uh, um, she was sitting, drinking her coffee, and she was so beautiful, and I say hi to her, and that's how we met.
Mark : So, I mean, what's the interesting part?
Johnny : Well, the interesting part is that on our first date, she paid for dinner.
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Johnny : How dare you talk to me like that!
[pushes Lisa back on the couch]
Johnny : You should tell me everything!
Lisa : I can't talk right now.
Johnny : [sits next to Lisa] Why, Lisa? Why, Lisa? Please talk to me, please! You are part of my life! You are everything! I could not go on without you, Lisa.
Lisa : You're scaring me.
[Lisa gets up, but Johnny also gets up]
Johnny : You're lying! I never hit you! YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!
Lisa : Why are you so hysterical?
Johnny : [pushes her back onto the couch again] Do you understand life? Do you?
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Johnny : [on overhearing Lisa say she's been unfaithful] How can they say this about me? I don't believe it. I show them. I will record everything.
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Johnny : Denny, two is great, but three is a crowd.
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Johnny : [on not receiving his promotion] That son of a bitch told me that I would get it within three months. I save them bundles. They're crazy. I don't think I will ever get it. They betrayed me, they didn't keep their promise, they tricked me, and I don't care anymore.
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Johnny : Anything for my princess!
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Johnny : Of course, what do ya think? They already put my ideas into practice. The bank saves money, and they are using me, and I am the fool.
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Johnny : Let's go eat, hah?
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Johnny : Hey, everybody! I have an announcement to make. We're expecting!
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Johnny : Peter, you always play psychologist with us!
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[repeated line]
Johnny : That's the idea.
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Johnny : I have a serious problem with Lisa. Um, I don't think she's faithful to me. In fact, I know she isn't.
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Johnny : Denny, two's great, but three's a crowd!
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Johnny : Thank you honey, this is a beautiful party. You invited all my friends, good thinking!
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[first lines]
Johnny : Hi, babe. I have something for you.
Lisa : What is it?
Johnny : Just a little something.
[Playfully hides a package behind his back, then presents it to Lisa. She opens it and pulls out a red dress]
Lisa : Johnny, it's beautiful. Thank you. Can I try it on now?
Johnny : Sure, it's yours.
Lisa : Wait right here.
[grabs Johnny's tie and kisses him]
Lisa : I'll try it on right now.
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Johnny : Lisa, TALK to me, PLEASE!
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Johnny : Let's go eat, huh.
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Johnny : Well, maybe you should have a girl, Mark.
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Johnny : YOU BITCH! YOU BITCH! YOU BITCH!
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Johnny : What do you want from me, huh? HUH?
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Chris-R : Hey, Denny.
Denny : Chris-R. I've been lookin' for you.
Chris-R : Yeah, sure you have. You have my money, right?
Denny : Yeah. It's comin'. It'll be here in a few minutes.
Chris-R : What do you mean it's coming, Denny? Where's... my money?
Denny : Okay. Just- Just give me five minutes. Just give me five.
Chris-R : Five minutes? You want five fucking minutes, Denny? You know what? I haven't got five fucking minutes!
[Draws his gun, grabs Denny and pulls him towards the ground]
Chris-R : I'm gonna ask you again, Denny. Where's my money?
Denny : I don't have anything.
Chris-R : Where's my money, Denny? Where's my *fucking* money, Denny? What did you do with my fucking money?
Denny : I swear to God. It's coming.
Chris-R : Where's my fuckin' money, Denny?
Denny : Put the gun down!
[Johnny and Mark arrive, running to Denny to help him]
Chris-R : My fucking money! Where's my fucking money, Denny?
Johnny : What's with this guy?
Chris-R : Get off! You're fuckin' dead, Denny!
Lisa : What's going on here? Somebody help!
Johnny : Let's take him to the police.
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Johnny : HI BABE!
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Johnny : You're just a little chicken, Cheep Cheep-Cheep Cheep-Cheep Cheee-eeep".
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Johnny : You know what they say. "Love is blind."
