Ankle Biters (2002 Video) User Reviews

No no no. Give someone a digital camera and they think they're a film maker.

[Joe Hill · 1/10 · 17 January 2003]

What's going on? I'm sure you used to have to show some sort of vague talent before someone let you make a film? I rented this from the video store, and I was expecting bad acting, lots of blood, cheap horror, vampires biting ankles. But this???

I'm not going to complain about things that were constrained by budget, as obviously you've got to start somewhere etc, and this guy clearly had no money. But there was no creativity whatsoever.

The lingering, slow, purposeless shots of cars... driving... down... roads. And the action scenes without the merest hint of directing talent, or actors willing to do any kind of stunts. And no matter how many times you reverse a shot of someone jumping off a tall thing, it doesn't make it "charming" or a "marvel". And what was with that scene in the middle where the sound goes really quiet? If you're reading this director-man, did you not watch this film once you'd made it? Obviously you had no boom mike, but you can't just make a scene where you can't hear the plot.

I read the back of the video sleeve - dwarf vampires take over the world - and though this could perhaps be the best film ever made. Sadly not. It's not big or clever. It's not cult. It's just badly made.

A person making a film on celluloid would had to pay for every foot of film, thereby making them careful and selective with what they shot. But if this is the way things are going with DV, I think I'd rather poke out my eyes than watch another amatuer DV film.

Bites

[polysicsarebest · 1/10 · 8 January 2005]

This film is pretty much just a $10 ripoff of the Blade films but with ghetto biker zombie vampire redneck MIDGETS. Basically, there's a sword that exists that can transform a tall human who is stabbed with it into a vampire, as it is the same sword that killed the last tall vampire. Or something. The ghetto biker zombie vampire redneck midgets get ahold of the sword by making a deal with some mobsters and then it's up to Drexel and his midget pal, T-Bone, to kill the evil midgets or something. Meanwhile, the evil midgets stab a redneck mechanic, and he becomes a vampire slave. So, the rest of the film is some fights between midgets and some walking around and some talking and some horrible redneck acting. And a slow-motion backflip scene.

I can honestly say that there's NOTHING to like about this film. It's a rare film that isn't so bad it's good... it's just plain BAD. It's just a boring waste of time, with the ONLY POSSIBLE SAVING GRACE being that you want to watch to see how amateurish and terrible things can get. Drexel is one of the worst human beings in history.

Awful.

The worst movie I have ever seen(no worries)

[pommyben · 1/10 · 26 January 2003]

What can I say!!!! this is the worst movie i have ever seen!! in fact ive made better movies than this, how this movie got a video release is an amazement, no action no blood no acting no style no budget no sound no direction no pace no story no nothing.............

The Absolute Worst Movie Ever!

[Cosmo322 · 1/10 · 9 February 2003]

Good grief, Charlie Brown. I thought I had seen the worst movie ever (that being "The House That Screamed" and its sequel) but here comes "Ankle Biters". I have to commend the makers of this movie for one thing though. They managed to scour the Earth and locate the worst actors and put them in the same movie. Bravo! I know that this is a low budget film and you can't hold that against them but come on. Did they write this movie as they were filming? Because the "actors" (or friends of the director) delivered their lines like a stiff board. It pains me that absolute garbage can be packaged in a video cassette. Don't get me wrong. I love to rent b-movie horror films. It's enjoyable just to watch them and poke fun throughout the movie. And every once in awhile you find a diamond in the rough, (i.e. "Dog Soldiers") but this movie is so boring you want to scream. Oh, and invest in a boom mike. Not that it would have helped this movie but at least you can hear the stiff lines.

Well, it sounds kinda fun...

[magicmarmotstudios · 2 August 2004]

Dwarf vampires... an exploitation film at its finest. Or so you might think.

From the moment that you first see the bad camera work and can't identify what was just said with the horrid sound recording, you know that you're in for a ride that you will remember in your worst nightmares.

I love low-budget independents. They are almost always made with passion and love. This one looks to have been made on a couple cases of really cheap beer and a couple of hundred bucks. There is a story here. Kind of. Mostly there are dwarf alcoholics, motorcycles, and what I would call bad acting (except that acting usually requires a modicum of effort).

The music for the closing credits will haunt you long after you have tried to forget the rest of the movie. (THREE FEET TALL! TWO INCH FANGS!)

However, I must give props to the filmmakers for actually making a feature and getting it distributed. It sets the bar for the wannabe indie filmmaker and gives us hope that one day, we too will be famous.

Midget vampires, now you've read that you don't need to see it.

[blacksun_moh · 1/10 · 19 June 2005]

The film is quite simply a life changing experience for until you have seen this film you can never, ever, ever truly say that you have seen a bad film. This film is an absolute must see otherwise you can never appreciate what the people on these message boards and i have witnessed.

The plot (for what its worth it does kind of have one) is just plain stupid, midget vampires trying to bring back tall vampires. And the script is so bad there are porn writers in Hollywood using it as toilet paper. And as for the camera work, direction and production i only need to tell you two things that actually happened in the film to give you some idea of how much effort and thought they put into this.

A scene with one of the midget vampires takes place in broad daylight, the film is set in Atlanta (it looks more like Texas to be honest with you) so needless to say thats its pretty damn sunny. And in order to create the illusion of one of the midget vampires jumping on a table they simply made him jump of it and played it backwards. They must have been pretty pleased with how this panned out because they used the exact same trick....as a matter of fact i believe it was even the exact same shot 3 times! For the amount of effort this thing must have taken i would say it doesn't even deserve to be rewarded with a spot on the worst 100 films of all time, but, i do believe that it is without doubt the worst film ever made. So with that in mind who are we to deprive this film of its place in history? Come on people get watching and voting, there can't be anything worse than this out there.

Amazing

[ross_johnson · 1/10 · 27 February 2006]

i have no idea how this film ; 1. got made 2. got put on a distribution system 3. got upgraded from VHS to DVD. 4. did not cause another holocaust.

i would love to see the production file on this film. it looks similar to something a 13 year old boy might make with his mates after seeing the movie Blade for the first time. the editing is awful, the camera shots are awful, the acting..................

but if you are like me and a sucker for those awful films then watch it. if only to appreciate that there are films out there that are worse than Uwe Boll's 'House Of The Dead'

you can also use it as a huge morale boost knowing that whatever films you may churn out through your life, there is a 99.99% chance it will be better than this pile of tripe.

Absolutely phenomenal.

Just plain bad.

[mrgypsy · 1/10 · 4 November 2003]

I couldn't believe something like this would actually be made into a DVD. I've seen many low budget films before, but this was just a huge waste of time. I'm all for laughable movies...but this isn't even in that category. It tries to be an actual serious scary movie with a storyline.

I think you'll find yourself wanting the hour and a half of your life back that you spent watching this disaster, as I do.

Absolutely DO NOT MISS THIS ONE!!!!

[budakhan79 · 1/10 · 4 September 2005]

You know when people say "That is the worst movie ever!" Well, I don't say that much at all, but for this one, DEFINITELY! This movie IS the worst movie I've seen, and that's why I have it in my DVD collection. This movie is so bad, that it actually has a lot of redeeming value. It's the kind of movie that you will want to watch with your buddies while cracking open a cool one. Example for how bad this movie is: One scene called for a bar tender; so a real bartender (not an actor) was used and the set was his own bar! And vampires walking in daytime; yup, the filmmakers didn't have any lights for night-time shooting. And it's even shot in mini DV.

Worst movie ever, WATCH IT!

*sigh

[bennybenbenj · 1/10 · 13 November 2003]

I completely agree with the previous guy. This movie is truly awful. DON'T WATCH IT. I don't care how much work the film makers put in, how much love and effort some poor guy spent getting to fulfill his dream of being a film maker. He should go back to working in McDonalds. No work was put in. OK, so picture quality is poor because its a cheap production, fine. But that's no excuse for not having a mic anywhere near your actors. Or not having any idea what the shots will look like. Or having the worst script ever conceived. The idiot that paid for this film should be paraded with a big sign saying: 'Hey everyone! I give free money away! Ask me for it!' so we can all go and make better movies than this one. Unbelievable.

Educational...

[werewolfgal13 · 1/10 · 2 August 2011]

To prove there is a film worse than anything by Ed Wood, more horrendous than Tha' Hip Hop Witch or Manos one need only watch this abomination. The aforementioned films can at least be enjoyed with copious alcohol or MST3k episodes, Ankle Biters is beyond saving with either method. I've seen many many bad films in my time but most have some sort of saving grace: maybe the script is actually okay or the director has one or two neat things or there is one semi-talented actor or even the "so bad it's funny" factor comes into play. Even when films don't have any of those factors they at least have heart. Again not so with Ankle Biters. I was promised midget vampires and schlocky fun. As soon as my friend said midget vampires I was there ready for a rollicking good time I mean dwarfs and vampires together at last AWESOME!!! little did I know how wrong I was. Avoid at all costs unless you are an aspiring film maker who just needs a "if he can do it and get it on DVD so can I" kick in the pants.

Pure bad film gold

[liesanddeception · 10/10 · 26 September 2005]

A true work of genius. Bringing together two of the all time great features for any movie... Midgets and Vampires! How can it fail I mean really? This is one of the all time great works in bad film making, a movie so terrible it really is inspired. Don't let anything put you off, you MUST see this film! It's cast are wooden, it's sound quality is terrible. The script seems to be written by a group of drunk students on the back of a beermat (and may well have been) but that is saved by the poor delivery the actors give it. The whole thing seems like it was thought up by a group of film students with too much time on their hands and way to much alcohol, and to fair, it probably was. Somehow through all this the incredible concept of the film shines through creating something so inherently funny it has to be seen! Plus the theme song "Three feet tall, two inch fangs!" is almost worth it alone. I really cannot recommend this film enough, the moment I heard about it, I knew I had to go out and find it.

So bad, it's good!

[aaronarmstrong13 · 3/10 · 21 May 2014]

Don't bother reading another review. This movie... You have to see it to believe this movie actually released on DVD. I'm pretty sure I've given this movie its highest rating on here! One of my friends worked at a movie rental store that actually had a copy of this available for rent, he decided to put it on during a slow day & recommended it to me the next day when I saw him.

"Hey man, you ever hear of Ankle Biters? It's about midget vampires!" Boy, am I glad he recommended it. It's actually worth the watch for the laughs it brings! Seven minutes into the movie, and my chest is hurting from the amount of laughter dispelled from my gut. So many scenes weren't even vampire related, like how director Adam Minarovich managed to get a bunch of motorcycle "vampires" rounded up for a bike ride scene, when you can clearly see they're just real life rednecks with no added makeup/effects. The director did a good job in having a very limited budget and no experience (I'm assuming) in the industry. The movie looks like a film made by high schoolers or early college freshmen, and it's downright hilarious through & through. I still watch a few scenes from time to time! Again, I highly suggest you watch this with friends. Don't expect anything other than pure laughter, maybe even lowering your head a few times because of how poorly this was done.

this movie sucked (pun not intended)

[diaclonex · 6 January 2004]

I unfortuntely made the mistake of not renting this first and went ahead an bought it. Wow, was I sorry. This movie had potential. Key word: "Had". The problems? Lets start with number one. That of course is the filming. This had the unmistakable look of a 1990 camcorder look. The kind that stopped being produced in 1992. Number two. Does anyone that had a hand in making this movie know the concept of AUDIO COMPRESSION?!?!?! The audio levels were haphazardly mixed together. And no doubt, all dialogue was recorded with the mic that was on the camcorder. Terrible. Number three? Number four? Number five? I won't even bother. As this movie started, my friends and I knew it would be bad. But at least I was hoping for at least 'some' entertainment. Not even the distraction of alcohol could help. I am sorry that I own this. Anyone want to buy my copy ?

Orson Welles, he aint.

[valla5 · 1/10 · 13 November 2003]

From the plot alone, it sounds well worth renting. Midget vampires seek the sword that contains a jewel that contains the blood of the last tall vampire, so as to make some tall vampires. On their trail is a half-breed vampire and his trusty midget sidekick.

What could possibly go bad with a plot like that? Everything. No one in this film has ever taken an acting class. No one involved in this film knows anything about production. A guy had a camcorder and some little friends, and made a movie. You can't hear what they're saying half the time, but even if you could, the main character is trying so hard to be Blade that it's really just pathetic. I was never under the impression that any of the vampires were dangerous. I never cared about the characters. What characters? Exactly. The director/actor fellow Adam Minarovich should really take a class or something. But why should he? We all rented this pile of tripe! But seriously -- the sound and camera work are horrible. It brings embarrassment to an otherwise quality plotline. (And that bad Blade accent doesn't help.)

This movie could have been Reptilicus or Terror Toons amusing. But instead, it's disappointing on an I-got-socks-instead-of-a-pony-for-my-birthday scale.

Megabad

[Foreverisacastironmess123 · 1/10 · 26 January 2021]

Whaaaat!? I think watching this sub-average no-budget Blade rip off ruined my mood, it ticked about every box you can get for a truly bad movie, none of that Troll 2 stuff where it's the fun kind of bad, this was simply painful!! It was absolute dirt cheap with no special effects whatsoever, it was cringeworthy and awkward as hell, nobody could act their way out of the proverbial paper bag, the sound was way out of whack with everyone's voices being virtually inaudible when talking normally but when guns would go off or someone would scream it would suddenly get so booming I'd have to quickly turn it down! Totally amateurish and painfully boring every step of the way. It was also decidedly in bad taste because they had little people playing vampires for no particular reason other than I guess it was supposed to make the movie interesting somehow?? They were little people who couldn't act either by the way but they still seemed to be having more fun than everyone else in the cast, even Deformed Monsters which also featured a lot of smaller stature actors playing famous monsters was much better than this, and that was not a very good movie! Absolutely horrible I couldn't take it anymore after a while and I had to shut it off, it was like a centipede wth razors for legs was crawling in my head.. Never ever watch this shot-on-sh@@ty-o monstrosity, it's so fantastically bad it will hurt you!!!

DON'T BOTHER but 'HMD trike and Rod Riders of Belton' 4-eva

[Ax-London · 3/10 · 11 April 2006]

I would love to say this was the worst movie I've ever seen but I love 'Worst movie' movies, this is just rubbish. There should have been plenty of scope for something good to come out of a dwarf Southern vampire biker flick even if it was only made for $500... but there really isn't anything redeeming about the film. I can only imagine the $500 was due to the 'Sword' containing the blood of the last tall vampire (or whatever they were on about in that Southern dwarf droll). Not that the sword cost $500, but the guy must have lost $500 out of his back pocket on the way back from the toy shop where he bought the 'Sword'.... either that or the particularly gay looking African American Dwarf Biker Homie vampire borrowed the cash to go and get himself a slightly more hetro looking Dwarf Biker vampire outfit to replace his white vest and pants! The film is just dull from start to finish, boring, poorly shot, immensely poor acting, script..erm..was there one? If you live in the town that gave up a weekend to film this rot then it might be fun to see but then you'd probably already be a member of the HMD trike and Rod Riders of Belton and have seen the premiere during a club meet! OK so I wouldn't normally insult a biker gang but really... they couldn't even be bothered to turn up wearing a 25c pair of plastic fangs each.. and if that's them looking menacing then I'll worry more about the local church coming round for donations!

To sum it up this isn't the worst film ever made as candidates for that have some kudos by being so rubbish. This will just make you tired, I've given it three to try and keep the thing out of site of true bottom of the pile hunters!

3 foot tall 2 inch fangs??!! WTF

[the_chi · 1/10 · 25 August 2005]

This is quite possibly the BEST BAD film in the World!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The exceptional use of the never before used theory of midget Vampires was truly awful. As a collector of awful films I found myself in awe at this masterpiece of disaster and am still wondering to this day how anyone would deem it worthy of either its time as an actor or as the backstage crew. Furthermore to the person who decided this movie was worthy of release I am truly grateful as it has become the centre piece and jewel in the crown of my collection. The main character seems to be confused as to whether he is Angel or Blade and manages to fall superbly short of both at every action scene, every piece of dialogue and just through sheer lack of ability. Truly Awful A MUST SEE!!

Even B-Movie Fans Won't Like This Movie!

[SongMan336 · 1/10 · 1 July 2005]

Ankle Biters is quite possibly one of the worst movies ever made. Period. The story and plot are practically nonexistent. The acting (if you want to call it that) is atrocious. The camera work is boring and careless. I am a frequent renter of the lesser known horror flicks, always trying to find a diamond in the rough. This one is as rough as they come. And believe me, there is no diamond to be found. I have NEVER started a movie that I didn't finish. I will always watch them through from beginning to end. Ankle Biters is the one exception. After roughly 70 minutes, the stop button was pressed. And that's saying something. I mean, I sat through Terror Toons . . . TWICE! Case and point: Ankles Biters bites . . . HARD!

It sucks

[j_s_lemaster · 1/10 · 3 April 2005]

If I could I would rate it a negative I would have. This movie is truly one of the worst anyone who buy or even rents it is a fool, the story sucks. Who ever thought of midget vampires had to be on acid and the acting is terrible, truly I rate it at the very bottom of the list. I can't believe someone would go through the trouble of making a movie like this one it was a waste of time and my time. I had no clue what it was going to be about when I rented it and when I got home and watched it I couldn't believe there were idiots making this junk they should have been banned from the camera. Again if your looking for a good substitute to sleeping pills this is great for you, if your looking for a something to blow your nose on this is good for you. But if your looking for something that is half decent this isn't good for you.

Sucks

[MizardX · 1/10 · 4 January 2003]

This movie really sucks. Looks like a home-recording. Really bad special effects. Never ever happens anything exciting. (Except if you like to watch a person that goes around punching dwarves)

This is one cool movie!

[Bootlegbandit · 10/10 · 24 March 2003]

I read some of these reviews. It's pretty obvious this movie had a budget of about 2 dollars. So what more could you expect? I thought this movie was AWESOME. The guys who made this had to be pretty smart to get a movie this low budget released all over the world. Take a funny line, (Ankle Biters) and have the movie be about midget vampires...brilliant! It made all of you check it out. I thought it was funny, well shot for no money, and I really liked the chick dancing in the cage in a thong. And where did they find all these midgets? The main character (halfbreed dude) was really funny with his midget sidekick talking s**t to each other. If you want to see a 20 million dollar movie, go see one. If you want to see a movie made with NO money and a bunch drunk looking midgets getting the S*hit kicked out of them in some redneck town and laugh your as* off, then check out Ankle Biters.

The worst movie I have ever seen

[thrill_kill_kate · 1/10 · 28 February 2004]

I rented this movie thinking that I would probably get a good laugh out of it.

I wasn't even able to watch it for more than ten minutes, and this coming from someone who watches "ShowGirls" for kicks.

Bad, bad, bad. The acting was awful, the cinematography was hideous, the costumes were ridiculous, the plot was non-existent, even the props were the worst I'd ever seen in a movie. They even borrowed lines from Jerry Maguire!

I love to watch bad movies, but I just couldn't stand this movie. I tried, I really did...I kept thinking "Maybe the next scene will be better", but I couldn't. It was a complete waste of my time, and my vote for the worst movie of the year, decade...century even.

Do not waste your money on this movie and make the same mistake I did. As much as I love wretched low budget B movies with bad plots, this one really belongs in the trash.

Ignore the vampire legends - it's cheaper that way

[Dr. Gore · 7 May 2003]

*SPOILER ALERT* *SPOILER ALERT*

Midget vampires. Yes. Count Midgula. The midgets get together to steal a sword which has some "Tall Man" blood in it. See if they stab somebody with it, then that victim gets to be a vampire. So then big man can bite other people. Some other stuff happens.

This movie is a stinker. Incoherent and just plain moronic. It's one step below "Feeders". The acting is terrible and the effects nonexistent. The budget was nonexistent too. It's blatant cheapness just makes you lose interest as you can see the filmmakers had no interest as well. If I was to put it under the microscope, I would make two points:

First, the flick is called "Ankle Biters". So we're expecting a comedy on midget vampires. Within minutes, the dwarfs have made a tall guy a vampire. So what's the stinking point?! They ditched the midgets in about ten minutes. They were there but more as background. I don't want to watch Neck Biters! Where were the Ankle Biters?!

Second, there is one scene where the hero explains to a woman, "Forget about what you've seen in the movies. All the legends are bogus: Vampires like sunlight, stakes don't work, garlic is delicious." In fact nothing will kill a vampire except something really cheap. So "Ankle Biters" ditches all the vampire legend for a lame syringe full of vampire blood. That's the only thing that kills vampires. When you see the vampires walking around in broad daylight, you'll know something is very wrong. It is. You've rented "Ankle Biters".

Cheap and nasty.

[fibreoptic · 1/10 · 27 April 2004]

This movie is a student movie pretending to be a proper movie. Has midget vampires that can walk in sunlight and a normal sized vampire who can also walk in sunlight trying to kill them. Ankle Biters could of been remotely decent if only it had of been in the hands of professionals with a budget of more than $10. I rented it from my local video store and the sleeve of the DVD case is by far the most impressive about the film and i still hate the fact i wasted money on renting it. Put it this way OK, i could make a better movie than this and i ain't got the first clue on how to make a movie. It's just a group of people who've got together with a basic camcorder and roped in some extras from the local bar who want to be on TV. Avoid this like a one way ticket to Iraq! 1/10