Sinderella Live (1995 Video)

Jim Davidson: Buttons

Quotes 

• Buttons : Who wrote this shit?

  Audience members : You did!

  Buttons : Oh no I didn't!

  Audience members : Oh yes you did!

  Buttons : I must have been drinking, then!

• Sinderella : You can't!

  Buttons : [to audience]  What did she call me, children?

  Sinderella : [more slowly]  No! No, Buttons - you *can't*!

  Buttons : [to audience]  She's called me an even bigger one now!

• Sinderella : Oh, Buttons! I did so want to go to the ball!

  Buttons : Bastards! When I see them, do you know what I'm gonna do?

  [Camilla and Madonna approach Buttons with machine guns] 

  Buttons : Shit myself!

  [Camilla motions to Madonna to walk away; they do so] 

  Ugly Sister : [flipping the V-sign before walking off]  Bollocks!

• PC Lifelike : How do you overcome drowsiness while driving on the motorway?

  Baron Hardon : You finger... You finger the hitch-hiker!

  [after a very awkward pause] 

  Buttons : He didn't read any of his bloody script! You *fondle* the hitch-hiker! *Fondle*!

  Baron Hardon : [doing hand actions]  You fondle, I fucking finger!

  [Everyone else laughs; Baron Hardon then licks his finger] 

  Buttons , Fairy Godmother , PC Lifelike : [in disgust]  OH!

• Sinderella : [under audience laughter, continuing for the next few lines]  Oh, Buttons! I did so want to go to the ball!

  Buttons : [to audience]  All together...

  Buttons , Audience : [in unison]  BASTARDS!

  Buttons : Do you know when I see them, do you know what I'm gonna do?

  [Camilla runs on stage and moons the audience with the words FUCK OFF written on her backside, then runs off stage again as Madonna pops her head outside the proscenium arch and Buttons laughs uncontrollably] 

  Madonna : [flipping the V-sign]  Bollocks!

• [as the band starts playing "Up Where We Belong"] 

  Buttons : [to audience]  This is a nice song; this is called "Up Where We Belong". From a Tampax advert. With no strings attached!