Renée Zellweger: Bridget Jones
Photos
Quotes
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Dad : Ciggy?
Bridget Jones : No. No thanks. I've given up again.
Dad : Shame. I find them very useful. I take great comfort in the fact that they might kill me before things actually get worse.
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Bridget Jones : I will not fuck it up again, Mum.
Mum : Bridget! Language!
Bridget Jones : Sorry. I will not fuck it up again... mother.
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Mark Darcy : As a matter of fact, I have a question to ask you.
Bridget Jones : Okay. As long as it's not, "Will you marry me?"
[chuckles. Mark looks devastated]
Bridget Jones : Oh, God... It *is* "Will you marry me?"
Mark Darcy : Well, I'm not going to say it now.
Bridget Jones : No, no, no! Just wait!
[runs back to the door]
Mark Darcy : The moment's gone, Bridget.
Bridget Jones : We've just come out into the corridor and you say, "I've got a question to ask you" and then I don't say *anything*!
[pause]
Bridget Jones : and you say...
Mark Darcy : [pause] Bridget Jones, will you marry me?
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Bridget Jones : Friends - they spend years trying to find you a boyfriend, but the moment you get one, they instantly tell you to dump him!
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Bridget Jones : Well, uh... I just wanted to tell Mr. Darcy that I heard what magnificent work he actually did, releasing me from prison. Tiny... tiny misunderstanding to do with an enormous stash of cocaine. And I also wanted to say, since having found out that his girlfriend is actually a lesbian, that I love him. Always have. Always will. And that I'm, you know, available for dates if he should feel so inclined.
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[last lines]
Bridget Jones : I truly believe that happiness is possible... even when you're thirty-three and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
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Mark Darcy : Bridget, will you stop? Stop staring at me while I'm asleep. Now, find something to do.
Bridget Jones : Sorry.
[Bridget turns away, only to turn back around again to look at Mark]
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Daniel Cleaver : Doesn't everyone deserve a second chance? Hmm?
Bridget Jones : Except Hitler.
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Rebecca : It was me who recommended this resort. I've been coming here since I was 11.
Bridget Jones : [says to herself] Wow. Three whole years!
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Mark Darcy : [answers the phone] Hello?
Bridget Jones : It's me. Just wondered how you are.
Mark Darcy : I'm fine thanks. Everything alright with you?
Bridget Jones : Fine, though, er, I've just had a rather graphic shag flashback. You do have a genuinely gorgeous bottom.
Mark Darcy : Right, well, thank you. I'm actually with the Mexican Ambassador just at the moment and the Head of Amnesty International and the Under Secretary for Trade and Industry and you're on speakerphone.
Bridget Jones : Oh, right.
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Mark Darcy : [Bridget gets out of bed covered in a sheet and begins to fumble around] What on Earth are you doing?
Bridget Jones : Getting dressed.
Mark Darcy : Why're you dancing around in that tent business?
Bridget Jones : Because I don't want you to see any of my wobbly bits.
Mark Darcy : Well now that's a bit pointless, isn't it? As I happen to have a very high regard for your wobbly bits. In all circumstances.
Bridget Jones : [Bridget's head emerges from the sheet] Really?
Mark Darcy : Absolutely. I think it's high time we had another look.
[Bridget drops the sheet on the floor]
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Rebecca : Bridget Jones!
Bridget Jones : No, I'm Bridget Jones!
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Bridget Jones : I read that you should never go out with someone if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
Mark Darcy : And can you think of three?
Bridget Jones : Yes.
Mark Darcy : Which are?
Bridget Jones : First off, I embarrass you. I can't ski, I can't ride, I can't speak Latin , my legs only come up to here and yes I will always be just a little bit fat. And you, you fold your underpants before you go to bed!
Mark Darcy : No, hang on! That-that can't be a reason.
Bridget Jones : No, it's not a reason! But you're not perfect either! You look down your nose at absolutely everyone and you're incapable of doing anything spontaneous or potentially affectionate.
[pause]
Bridget Jones : It feels like you're waiting to find someone in the VIP room who's- who's so fantastic, just the way she is, that you don't need to fix her.
Mark Darcy : Bridget, this is mad.
Bridget Jones : And perhaps you thought you found her.
[long pause]
Bridget Jones : Do you *want* to marry me?
[awkward silence]
Mark Darcy : Look- I...
Bridget Jones : You see, you can never muster the strength, to fight for me.
[long silence. Mark opens his mouth and closes it again. Bridget walks out]
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Bridget Jones : You think you've found the right man, but there's so much wrong with him, and then he finds there's so much wrong with you, and then it all just falls apart.
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Bridget Jones : [Bridget is on the phone talking to Mark's answering machine while he waits outside her flat] You're outside! Look err, I'll ring you later. Unless you've come to chuck me once and for all, in which case... Bye and thank you and sorry.
[Mark buzzes up again from outside]
Bridget Jones : Oh God please don't chuck me, don't chuck me. If you have chucked me, please change your mind, I'll behave much better in future.
[pause]
Bridget Jones : On the other hand if you haven't chucked me please behave better next time we go out. Stuck up snob.
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Bridget Jones : You are angry.
Mark Darcy : No, I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed.
Bridget Jones : Disappointed? Oh, God, that's worse than angry.
Mark Darcy : I'm just disappointed I can't take you home this instant.
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Bridget Jones : She's got legs up to here! My legs only come up to here!
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Bridget Jones : You know, I never really understood why you wanted to date me. It seems so unlikely.
Daniel Cleaver : Come on, Jones, for God's sake. You're sexy. You make me laugh - at you of course, not with you. And you were, incidentally, the best shag I ever had.
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Mark Darcy : Can I ask you a question Bridget?
Bridget Jones : Of course, any question... as long as it's not, 'Will You Marry Me'.
[pause after looking at Mark's face]
Bridget Jones : Omg, it is isn't it? It's will you Marry me? Ok, no! Wait, pretend that we just came out...
[walks back to the door, opens and closes it]
Bridget Jones : and you asked me if you could ask me a question and I said yes and NOTHING more. Ok, go.
Mark Darcy : Bridget Jones, will you marry me?
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Shazzer : [Whisper to Bridget] Jellyfisher alert. Jellyfisher alert.
[turns away]
Bridget Jones : Janey Osbourne. Talking to her is like swimming in a sea and being stung repeatedly by an enormous jellyfish.
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Bridget Jones : [Diary] Oh God, I'm very worried. What if someone says, "Bridget Jones get out of here, you are ridiculous"?
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Bridget Jones : Daniel Cleaver is a deceitful, sexist, disgusting specimen of humanity that I wouldn't share a lift with, let alone a job.
Daniel Cleaver : [swings around on his chair, coming into Bridget's view] Oh, come on Jones there must have been something you liked about me.
Bridget Jones : You have a nice car. And - quite nice manners, outside the bedroom. But that's about it. And by the way, I know exactly where Germany is. The question is, do you know the location of your arsehole?
[walks out]
Daniel Cleaver : [to other colleagues] As a matter of fact I do know the exact location of my arsehole. And hers, for that matter.
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Bridget Jones : You can't do this, I'm English! And an award-winning journalist... Well, maybe not award-winning, but I have been to *lots* of award ceremonies.
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Bridget Jones : [diary] Have never been happier in entire life. However, must not obsess or fantasize.
[pause]
Bridget Jones : Bridget Darcy; Mrs. Darcy; Mr. and Mrs. Darcy; Lord and Lady Darcy!
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Bridget Jones : Am late, with mad hair, and can barely breathe in scary knickers.
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Shazzer : [on Daniel Cleaver] You wouldn't sleep with him?
Bridget Jones : No, of course not. Absolutely not.
[pause]
Bridget Jones : But he is clever.
Shazzer : Yes?
Bridget Jones : And handsome.
Shazzer : He's also a dysfunctional, fucked-up, middle-aged lost boy!
Bridget Jones : [pause] Well, no one's perfect.
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Bridget Jones : Janey Osbourne. Talking to her is like swimming in a sea and being stung repeatedly by an enormous jellyfish.
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Bridget Jones : [diary] Wonder what Mark Darcy would be like as a father. Father to his children I mean, not to me. That would be weird Oedipus-like thought.
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Daniel Cleaver : Oh, come on Jones. Who gave who the hoof... and why?
Bridget Jones : Let's just say... that we suffered from fatal incompatibility.
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Mark Darcy : Are you really pregnant?
Bridget Jones : Well, give it three minutes.
Mark Darcy : What do you fancy? Boy or a girl?
Bridget Jones : l dunno, it doesn't matter.
Mark Darcy : Although, l suppose l've always had the fantasy of a son.
Bridget Jones : Another Mark Darcy.
Mark Darcy : Or maybe something like Huck. Or River. Or some fabulous Hebrew name like Noah. Anyway, l could teach him to play cricket and rugby and visit him at Eton on St Andrew's Day.
Bridget Jones : Eton?
Mark Darcy : Yes. The Darcy men have been going to Eton for five generations.
Bridget Jones : Well, my son's not going to be sent away from home. Especially to some fascist institution where they stick a poker up your arse that you're never allowed to remove again.
Mark Darcy : l see.
Bridget Jones : l didn't mean you.
Mark Darcy : No, of course not. So what's the alternative? Sleeping in his parents' bed, breastfeeding until he's a teenager and some progressive school, where the day is spent singing Yellow Submarine?
Bridget Jones : Oh, you're absolutely right. lt's madness to allow a child to enjoy his education or live with his parents.
Mark Darcy : What is madness is to have a child if his parents can't have a discussion without one shouting at the other.
Bridget Jones : lt's negative.
Mark Darcy : That's too bad.
Bridget Jones : Yes, very sad.
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Bridget Jones : He must still love me!
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Shazzer : [suitcase won't shut] Fuck!
Bridget Jones : What?
Shazzer : There's no fucking room in the fucking suitcase.
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Bridget Jones : I'M BEAUTIFUL BRIDGET!
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Bridget Jones : I'm pregnant... AND I'M GOING TO DIE!
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Bridget Jones : And I truly believe
Bridget Jones : that happiness is possible
