Between Iraq and a Hard Place (2003 TV Movie)

John Fortune: Self

Quotes 

• [On Saddam Hussein] 

  Rory Bremner : But let's be clear. We're talking about a country where there's no opposition. As leader he can ignore Parliament and - sorry that's Tony Blair isn't it? Um, so he doesn't even have to ask the country before he goes to war - sorry that's still Tony Blair. No, the difference is Saddam rules Iraq through a combination of terror and brutality, backed up by a vicious regime of intimidation and torture - or is that David Blunkett? As absolute ruler Saddam recently claimed 100% victory in a Presidential Election.

  John Fortune : Although that's not surprising, given that voters were accompanied into the booths by Saddam's Ba'ath party officials, and given a choice between voting for Saddam or voting for their wives and children to be killed, and their houses to be burnt down.

  Peter Snow : And just a bit of fun, just a bit of fun, even small children were counted as supporters on the principal that you might as well throw in the baby with the Ba'ath voter. Ha ha.

• Rory Bremner : And what values do they bring? Well the values of the new America. Democracy George Bush style. No more 100% victories but a new system where there are two candidates, and the one with the most votes loses. Freedom under the rule of law from the administration that's ignoring or refusing to sign a whole list of international treaties.

  John Fortune : Justice from the people who gave you Guantanamo Bay. And Economic Strength from the people who brought you Enron.

• John Fortune : So what would you say was the greatest lesson that you learnt in Oman?

  John Bird : It's blindingly obvious really. If we are to mount a successful military campaign against Saddam Hussein, we must at all costs, we must get him to come and fight us in Northern Europe.

• John Fortune : So what is it that they want from us?

  John Bird : From us, um, dead bodies I think is what they want.

• John Bird : Yes and Tony Blair himself said, what matters is that we stand up and be counted.

  John Fortune : Or in our case, fall down.

  John Bird : Fall down and be counted, yes.

• John Fortune : So does Saddam have these weapons? We know he used to have enough to kill the world's population 4 times over. We know that because we sold him quite a lot of it. The last team of UN Inspectors claimed they destroyed 95% of Saddam's weapons.

  Rory Bremner : During those inspections Saddam used every trick in the book, including moving biological weapons material around in a fleet of red and white vans, on which he painted "Tip Top Ice Cream Company".

  John Bird : I'll have two "99's", a botulism ripple and er, a smallpox wafer.