I mean really. This is not going to help the Australian film industry to make this kind of film with no values of any kind. Okay, if you're a stoner and have nothing better to do, then maybe. I think film-makers from here should try to show the rest of the world what great talented people we have, and this is not the vehicle for it. Come on now, this film is just tacky.
13 Reviews
Buy 4 or 5 copies of "Trojan Warrior", tape 'em together and use it as a paperweight
TheSixthChild24 January 2005
Warning: Spoilers
SPOILERS HEREIN
My High School did all they could to try and motivate us for exams. But the most memorable method they used to get us into the right state of mind was a guest speaker, who was none other than Australian Kickboxing's favorite son, Stan "The Man" Longinidis. The first mistake they made was giving this guy a microphone, because he was screaming half the time despite us sitting no more than 3 or 4 feet away from him. Now, his speech was full of the usual "if you fail to prepare, then prepare to fail" stuff, but there were various instances where I got really worked up. The guy stood there in front of us preaching how throughout his life he did everything for himself and no-one else. He was offered many deals in the past to give up kick-boxing, but he never took his eye off the prize of becoming Australia's greatest kick-boxer. He said that he wasn't a sell-out, he was happy and a retiree, he wasn't ever involved in any other activity other than Kickboxing then he plugged his film. Yes, you heard right, he PLUGGED his new FILM. As he talked about it, he got a woman to come in and hold up a poster advertising it, and then he showed this shitty 4 minute clip of this vile film called "Trojan Warrior". (This all being before he was defeated by Gurkan Ozkan in his final career fight (for now))
Stan plays Ajax, a kick-boxing ex-special forces agent that is pulled into the seedy underworld of Melbourne. Ajax's cousin, Theo (Arthur Angel) recently sold out (well, at least Stan didn't stray too far away from EVERYTHING) to the feds, and as a result is on the run from all walks of organized crime. Ajax and Theo get into all sorts of ridiculous situations, from fighting in a Kebab shop to posing as playboys at a bondage party. It's all pretty ridiculous, but if Silverstein was actually aiming to make a credible film here, this man should never be handed a camera again.
I'll admit, I was actually pumped to see this. I love action films, even if they're corny, and especially if it's set in my own backyard. But what I was introduced to was a film with acting that was appalling from the word "go", and continued to do so after the words "for the love of God please make it stop!", subplots were introduced and not even touched on again after they were out in the open, characters were just thrown in for absolutely NO reason whatsoever, and the most over-choreographed fight scenes that didn't even remotely reflect Stan's actual talent in Kickboxing. The cast consisted of useless cameo appearances by just about anyone REMOTELY famous (Dermot Brereton, Mark "Chopper" Read and Greg Matthews). The whole time you're sitting there and playing the guessing game of just who is standing there in the background. Too bad the movie relies heavily on split-second appearances by former celebrities. Remember those plot-holes I told you about? Ajax once upon a time was apparently locked up, wrongly accused for murdering his wife. Now, we hear that Ajax was in special forces via ONE single sentence in the WHOLE film, and then leave it for buggery. This is followed by another SINGLE sentence which persuades Ajax to help the same people who wrongly locked him up. Then, get this, at the end, it is revealed to Ajax that his wife isn't actually dead, but was sold into prostitution. Do we see her? No. Does Ajax go off to find her as soon as he hears this? No. Now THAT's a marriage!
Amidst all this irritatingly puerile crap, some website described this film as " a cross between Jackie Chan & Guy Ritchie ". Has this man ever sat down and watched a Jackie Chan film?! Chan shows more dexterity taking a dump than Stan did doing , well, ANYTHING! And Guy Ritchie is the crime-film Messiah, and you're comparing him to Salik Silverstein!? This film is more like a mix between "Pizza" and "Enter The Ninja".
Now, where do you thing the whole "Trojan Warrior" title comes from? Ajax's fierce fighting skills like that of an Ancient Greek Warrior? No. The gangsters' unification to find Theo, like that of the Trojan Empire? No. It's because wait for it Theo carries a condom around with him. Yes, that right, because THEO is ALWAYS PREPARED with a Trojan BRAND RUBBER in his pocket, he is a Trojan WARRIOR!
I had the displeasure of seeing "Trojan Warrior" on DVD, as well as it's "special" features:
Video clip of "Chop Chop", a rap song by Mark "Chopper" Read: Chopper did this for the sole purpose of proving that ANYONE can rap. The funny thing was Chopper just rapped for 30 seconds and then threw it over to these two albino teens from Doncaster, using such words as "dis" and "dope" etc in their Australian accents. Face it people, rap was developed in the States, LEAVE IT THERE! The clip looked like something a Channel 31 cameraman on ecstasy put together.
Bloopers: There was no real difference between these and the actual film.
Stan "The Man" Longinidis Kickboxing Featurette: This wasn't too bad, considering it was just 6 or 7 different fights shown from different angles (I think I saw Dennis Alexio fall over about 15 times in that 3 minute montage).
I don't want to say this film contributes to the reason this country is going to hell when it comes to film, but... oh wait, I just did. My advice to anyone reading this is for you to go out and buy 4 or 5 copies of "Trojan Warrior", tape them together, and use it for a paperweight, because this movie is just that damn bad.
My High School did all they could to try and motivate us for exams. But the most memorable method they used to get us into the right state of mind was a guest speaker, who was none other than Australian Kickboxing's favorite son, Stan "The Man" Longinidis. The first mistake they made was giving this guy a microphone, because he was screaming half the time despite us sitting no more than 3 or 4 feet away from him. Now, his speech was full of the usual "if you fail to prepare, then prepare to fail" stuff, but there were various instances where I got really worked up. The guy stood there in front of us preaching how throughout his life he did everything for himself and no-one else. He was offered many deals in the past to give up kick-boxing, but he never took his eye off the prize of becoming Australia's greatest kick-boxer. He said that he wasn't a sell-out, he was happy and a retiree, he wasn't ever involved in any other activity other than Kickboxing then he plugged his film. Yes, you heard right, he PLUGGED his new FILM. As he talked about it, he got a woman to come in and hold up a poster advertising it, and then he showed this shitty 4 minute clip of this vile film called "Trojan Warrior". (This all being before he was defeated by Gurkan Ozkan in his final career fight (for now))
Stan plays Ajax, a kick-boxing ex-special forces agent that is pulled into the seedy underworld of Melbourne. Ajax's cousin, Theo (Arthur Angel) recently sold out (well, at least Stan didn't stray too far away from EVERYTHING) to the feds, and as a result is on the run from all walks of organized crime. Ajax and Theo get into all sorts of ridiculous situations, from fighting in a Kebab shop to posing as playboys at a bondage party. It's all pretty ridiculous, but if Silverstein was actually aiming to make a credible film here, this man should never be handed a camera again.
I'll admit, I was actually pumped to see this. I love action films, even if they're corny, and especially if it's set in my own backyard. But what I was introduced to was a film with acting that was appalling from the word "go", and continued to do so after the words "for the love of God please make it stop!", subplots were introduced and not even touched on again after they were out in the open, characters were just thrown in for absolutely NO reason whatsoever, and the most over-choreographed fight scenes that didn't even remotely reflect Stan's actual talent in Kickboxing. The cast consisted of useless cameo appearances by just about anyone REMOTELY famous (Dermot Brereton, Mark "Chopper" Read and Greg Matthews). The whole time you're sitting there and playing the guessing game of just who is standing there in the background. Too bad the movie relies heavily on split-second appearances by former celebrities. Remember those plot-holes I told you about? Ajax once upon a time was apparently locked up, wrongly accused for murdering his wife. Now, we hear that Ajax was in special forces via ONE single sentence in the WHOLE film, and then leave it for buggery. This is followed by another SINGLE sentence which persuades Ajax to help the same people who wrongly locked him up. Then, get this, at the end, it is revealed to Ajax that his wife isn't actually dead, but was sold into prostitution. Do we see her? No. Does Ajax go off to find her as soon as he hears this? No. Now THAT's a marriage!
Amidst all this irritatingly puerile crap, some website described this film as " a cross between Jackie Chan & Guy Ritchie ". Has this man ever sat down and watched a Jackie Chan film?! Chan shows more dexterity taking a dump than Stan did doing , well, ANYTHING! And Guy Ritchie is the crime-film Messiah, and you're comparing him to Salik Silverstein!? This film is more like a mix between "Pizza" and "Enter The Ninja".
Now, where do you thing the whole "Trojan Warrior" title comes from? Ajax's fierce fighting skills like that of an Ancient Greek Warrior? No. The gangsters' unification to find Theo, like that of the Trojan Empire? No. It's because wait for it Theo carries a condom around with him. Yes, that right, because THEO is ALWAYS PREPARED with a Trojan BRAND RUBBER in his pocket, he is a Trojan WARRIOR!
I had the displeasure of seeing "Trojan Warrior" on DVD, as well as it's "special" features:
Video clip of "Chop Chop", a rap song by Mark "Chopper" Read: Chopper did this for the sole purpose of proving that ANYONE can rap. The funny thing was Chopper just rapped for 30 seconds and then threw it over to these two albino teens from Doncaster, using such words as "dis" and "dope" etc in their Australian accents. Face it people, rap was developed in the States, LEAVE IT THERE! The clip looked like something a Channel 31 cameraman on ecstasy put together.
Bloopers: There was no real difference between these and the actual film.
Stan "The Man" Longinidis Kickboxing Featurette: This wasn't too bad, considering it was just 6 or 7 different fights shown from different angles (I think I saw Dennis Alexio fall over about 15 times in that 3 minute montage).
I don't want to say this film contributes to the reason this country is going to hell when it comes to film, but... oh wait, I just did. My advice to anyone reading this is for you to go out and buy 4 or 5 copies of "Trojan Warrior", tape them together, and use it for a paperweight, because this movie is just that damn bad.
Awefull, dumb, stupid
robertwb6 January 2004
The big question surrounding this atrocious movie is "who the hell gave the producers the money to make it!?" There are so many talented people out there, some with really great scripts, yet this embarrassing junk gets the green light!
The story was unimaginative and the cinematography high schoolish. There is nothing in this movie that can be recommended. It is a failure on all points and I'm just sorry that I handed over $7 to see it.
Seal all copies in a vault and forget about it.
The story was unimaginative and the cinematography high schoolish. There is nothing in this movie that can be recommended. It is a failure on all points and I'm just sorry that I handed over $7 to see it.
Seal all copies in a vault and forget about it.
Poor, horrible, just bad.
Jon_Bates11 August 2002
Well our standards have gone into the toilet. The direction was poor, the acting was mediocre and the writing was amateurish. And those are the good points. Hopefully there won't be a sequel. Otherwise, I might have to leave the country.
Boring and pointless
ChryZzE17 May 2003
After watching about half of this movie I noticed something peculiar ... I found myself constantly switching through tv-channels to see what else is on - not exactly a good movie trait.
This movie is listed as being in a number of genres, and I must say it mostly failed misserably in every one of them. 80% through the movie I switched over to watch an old rerun instead. Bottom line - the whole movie felt as if the ones making it didn't exactly know what to make and ended up in a concoction with no discernable taste.
This movie is listed as being in a number of genres, and I must say it mostly failed misserably in every one of them. 80% through the movie I switched over to watch an old rerun instead. Bottom line - the whole movie felt as if the ones making it didn't exactly know what to make and ended up in a concoction with no discernable taste.
I would like to say something good...
elliemckay24 August 2002
At least the seats in the theater were comfortable and I ate the pop corn as loud as possible to drown out the inferior dialogue. This is absolutely not a girls film. Any blokes who like it, are the ones us ladies can be sure to stay far away from. Dumb story, mediocre dialogue and an overall cheap looking film. I've seen many, many movies but this one is the new winner in the bad category. If you do happen to see it, the one thing you'll look forward to is the ending. So you can finally run out of the theater as fast as you can.
Disturbingly homoerotic.
Glurrk3 January 2004
The cover art (which features a man holding a scary pellet gun) would make it seem as if it's a martial arts film. (Hardly.)
I find it interesting that the film's real title is Trojan Warrior. (Trojan is a brand of condoms in the US) This movie is loaded with homoeroticism. If you like that stuff, then this film isn't that bad really. However, consider these points:
There are numerous close-ups of actors' groins & butts, (One scene even features every actor with an erection bulging in his pants.) the film is also bathed in gaudy colors like lime, peach, and red. From a cinematographer's standpoint, this movie's a drag queen! Several scenes feature characters standing EXTREMELY close to one another, occasionally touching as they converse. Also, the cousin of the hero likes women, and every other guy in the movie is trying to kill him. Is there a message here the filmmakers want to convey?
Shall I go into the fight scenes? (Yes, someone's private parts get grabbed in one fight.) The martial arts scenes are brief and unimaginative. No fancy stuff here, just your standard moves you'd see in an old Chuck Norris flick. There's also a car chase scene which may be the first ever LOW-speed chase put on film.
I find it interesting that the film's real title is Trojan Warrior. (Trojan is a brand of condoms in the US) This movie is loaded with homoeroticism. If you like that stuff, then this film isn't that bad really. However, consider these points:
There are numerous close-ups of actors' groins & butts, (One scene even features every actor with an erection bulging in his pants.) the film is also bathed in gaudy colors like lime, peach, and red. From a cinematographer's standpoint, this movie's a drag queen! Several scenes feature characters standing EXTREMELY close to one another, occasionally touching as they converse. Also, the cousin of the hero likes women, and every other guy in the movie is trying to kill him. Is there a message here the filmmakers want to convey?
Shall I go into the fight scenes? (Yes, someone's private parts get grabbed in one fight.) The martial arts scenes are brief and unimaginative. No fancy stuff here, just your standard moves you'd see in an old Chuck Norris flick. There's also a car chase scene which may be the first ever LOW-speed chase put on film.
What a Great Light Hearted Comedy Action Movie
john-64216 August 2002
Lighten up folks, this movie is not about "art house values" or "serious drama"... Let yourself go and enjoy the fun and antics of "Theo" & "Ajax" and a bunch of thugs all out to get "Theo" and go with the flow of action.. comedy.. a bit of gun play..... a bad cop on the take and some damsel's in distress and more..
And remember that we all have our own view about films, so settle down and go see the film and enjoy it for what it is...... A Fun Film..
And remember that we all have our own view about films, so settle down and go see the film and enjoy it for what it is...... A Fun Film..
Mark Brandon Read as Eric Bana
LennyRenquist26 April 2003
The above phrase should indicate that this film is NOT going to be an arty, girly, poncy, namby-pamby NICE movie. It has Mark "Jacko" Jackson in it, for cryin' out loud. It's silly. It's ultra-cheap. It's cliched (Tang looks like he's straight out of a 70's kung fu flick. He should have been dubbed.) But the thing some people don't seem to realise is that the makers of this underworld gem are COMPLETELY AWARE of that. They're not TRYING to make an award-winning movie. They're just having fun. And knowing that, we have fun as well. And if fun is not a quality you like in a movie, don't rent it. Rent some boring movie with pretty scenery. As for me, I thought this movie's sheer knowing crapness was what made it so great. My one beef is that there weren't enough fight scenes. That's obviously where Stan's talent lies, and it wasn't utilised enough. Apart from that, GREAT MOVIE!
Silly but fun!
Stevos18 August 2002
Low budget action/comedy is a highlight to see kickboxing legend Stan Longinidis in his first feature film, something of major interest to martial arts fans such as myself. Trojan Warrior is tacky at times, although it's meant to be, it's a wild ride that never takes itself too seriously and dishes up plenty of laughs! For crazy, hilarious, silly laughs and a wild ride through Melbournes seedy elements, this one is perfect to sit back, laugh and chill out on! Not for all tastes, but I loved it!
In a word: Crap
grantcook4 September 2003
I had 2 free rentals on my video ezy card, my brother rented 2 movies, this and 'The master of disguise'.
I wasnt expecting this to be good, but I didnt expect it to resemble a grade 6 student film. cuz that would have been better, I know the guys who made it were just having fun and it was suposed to be cheesy and fun, but it wasnt, it was just mind numbingly bad. so bad that Stan 'the man's performance stood out among a sea of poo.
Out of the two films "Master of disguise" was light years above this, and I truly hated that also.
Avoid like the plague. that would be more pleasant though.
I wasnt expecting this to be good, but I didnt expect it to resemble a grade 6 student film. cuz that would have been better, I know the guys who made it were just having fun and it was suposed to be cheesy and fun, but it wasnt, it was just mind numbingly bad. so bad that Stan 'the man's performance stood out among a sea of poo.
Out of the two films "Master of disguise" was light years above this, and I truly hated that also.
Avoid like the plague. that would be more pleasant though.
Good laughs!
Dean3425 August 2002
The people who bag this film about not being artistic film making or whatever are completely missing the point...this is a fun film directed at a certain audience who appreciate it for what it tries to do and that is provide some light humour and spoof Melbourne's multi cultured underworld a bit. People of European descent will appreciate much of the humour which has a bit of fun with Greeks, Italians, Turks etc. It's trashy and sleazy at times, but like one guy said, it's meant to be, much of these characters are not pleasant people! It's questionable whether international audiences will understand a lot of it as it's heavily influenced by Melbourne and it's sub-cultures (and most of the cameo's by local celebrities will be lost on an overseas audience). I had a lot of laughs with this movie, a fun, lightweight home brewed independent flick. Not bad fight sequences too.
Crazy, fun and rebelliously smart.
SBG1811 January 2004
We had great fun watching this comedic actioneer. Great soundtrack and visually very different from what we are used to. Unusual use of color and composition but after a few minutes of viewing got into its head space. Sometimes the accents were a bit hard to understand but the pace kept up and didn't have time to dwell. Kickboxing Legend Stan "The Man" pulls off a fine performance with some good kickboxing sequences.Crazy characters keep rolling through sometimes with no reason other than to have a laugh. Eventhough the ending is predictable its still fun getting there. Looks like everyone had a lot of fun doing this movie and it is so different from the usual Hollywood fare. Reminicent of early Hong Kong spoofs. Cleverly put together but definately not a film for everyone- if you like gutter jokes, a bit of sleeze, action and laughs plus a beavy of babes,its worth a look.Why is it called Kick To The Head in the US as it misses joke at end of film.
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