Mrs Caldicot's Cabbage War (2002)
Frank Mills: Leslie
Quotes
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[a nurse has just witnessed sounds of passionate love-making followed by Hawksmoor and then Matron leaving the room with their clothing in disarray; Hawksmoor now comes into the dining room where Thelma, Bernard, Leslie, Joyce and Audrey are sitting with their arms folded, disgusted at being served cabbage yet again]
Hawksmoor : What is going on?
[no-one answers him]
Hawksmoor : [to Audrey] Miss Nightingale, why aren't you eating?
Hawksmoor : [to Leslie] Mr Hewitt?
Hawksmoor : [to Thelma] Is this your influence, Mrs Caldicot?
[still no-one answers him; they all sit with their arms folded, steadfastly refusing to eat]
Hawksmoor : What exactly is the problem?
Thelma Caldicot : It's rubbish. That's the problem.
Hawksmoor : This is perfectly balanced dietary cuisine.
Thelma Caldicot : Oh. Would you like to joins us?
Hawksmoor : [to Bernard] Mr Livingstone.
Bernard : I'm with Mrs Caldicot.
Leslie : So am I.
Joyce : So am I.
Audrey : And me.
Hawksmoor : [patronisingly] A missed meal can cause serious medical problems. I hope you're prepared to take on that responsiblity.
[they exchange glances and reluctantly start to eat]
Hawksmoor : Thank you.
[Hawksmoor turns to leave the room]
Bernard : Commander?
Hawksmoor : Yes?
Bernard : You're flying low, old boy.
Hawksmoor : What?
[Thelma turns to look at Hawksmoor, and smirks. Hawksmoor checks his fly and discovers that it is unzipped from his earlier "encounter" with the Matron]
Thelma Caldicot , Audrey , Joyce , Leslie , Bernard : [laugh]
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Bernard : Hewitt and I have been considering you very carefully, Mrs Caldicot.
Thelma Caldicot : Have you now?
Bernard : And we are agreed that you should be asked to join our escape committee.
Thelma Caldicot : How many have you got?
Bernard : Just Hewitt and me. I'm the brains, he's the brawn.
Leslie : So he reckons.
Thelma Caldicot : So what's the plan?
Bernard : Tunnelling was the favoured option... and then Hewitt here went and lost the bloody trowel.
Thelma Caldicot : So now what?
Bernard : Well, currently we have a plan to kidnap two of the nurses, take their uniforms, and then leave in disguise.
Thelma Caldicot : I think I've seen the film.
Bernard : Yes. Well, of course, we realised that we might not get very far before somebody spotted something suspicious, but... well, it would be a breath of fresh air for us.
Leslie : Now you see why we need some new ideas.