Home on the Range (2004)

Dennis Weaver: Abner

Photos 

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Maggie : [narrating]  Home on the range. Once upon a time, I had a home on the range. But not anymore. Well, it's no use cryin' over spilled milk. Speakin' of which, that's me. I'm a cow. Yeah, they're real.

  [referring to her udders, while shooing away a fly with her tail] 

  Maggie : Quit staring. I'm sort of between homes right now. I lost my old place thanks to the meanest bunch of cattle rustlers in the west, Alameda Slim and the Willie Brothers gang.

  [Alameda Slim uses his yodeling and stole all of Abner's herd of cattle] 

  Maggie : Somehow, they stole the whole herd right out from under our noses and then they disappeared without a trace.

  [Abner checks out that his herd of cattle is gone, but she was the only one that was here] 

  Maggie : After that, poor old Abner couldn't afford to keep the place... or me, either, for that matter. Well, no matter how bad things get, there's probably somebody worse off.

  [She sees Lucky Jack running with the rattle snake still biting his whole head, then he runs into a cactus which fling off the rattle snake] 

  Maggie : That guy, for instance.

  Abner : Hey, Maggie. Take a look at your new home.

  Maggie : Hey! A dairy farm? Now we're talkin'! Hope it's not one of them fat-free places.