- Cadet Captain Jennifer Stone: You're on my list, maggot.
- Kelly Collins: You'd be on mine if I had one.
- Kelly Collins: [to Brad Rigby, while shining boots] Sir, I borrow some spit, Sir? Promise to pay you back!
- Carla: Everything here is by the book.
- Kelly Collins: Thanks for the warning Carla, but I would really like to try and retain my individuality around here.
- [last lines]
- Kelly Collins: [narrating] Since this is my first autobiography, I might not have gotten everything right. The events are true, the feelings are genuine, and my memoirs are finished. But, I might've forgotten what everyone was wearing.
- Kelly Collins: [to her Mother] Military school? No, no. Like, like where they wear uniforms and they march all around together? You can't do this to me, Mom. I'm not going!
- Carla: My client would like to point out that it's just paint - it'll wash out.
- Brad Rigby: This concludes the proceedings. Deliberations will begin immediately.
- Kelly Collins: Next year, we'll be even better. If you and I can work on routines together, there's no telling what...
- Cadet Captain Jennifer Stone: Actually... there's not going to be a next year for me. You see, my Father got transferred to Europe, so I'm moving.
- [pauses]
- Cadet Captain Jennifer Stone: But I do have one wish for you, Cadet. That you become a platoon leader, and have to deal with a little maggot...
- [laughs]
- Cadet Captain Jennifer Stone: Just like you.
- [first lines]
- Kelly Collins: [narrating voice over] Hey, I always known there are some stories that have to be told, but I never realized my memoirs would be one of them.