Friday After Next (2002)

Ice Cube: Craig

Photos 

Quotes 

• Damon : Craig and Day-Day.

  Day-Day : Ohh...

  Damon : Just the niggas I need to see.

  Craig Jones : Yo, yo... what's up O.G. Triple O.G... O.G. triple... triple O.G.?

  Day-Day : You got out last night?

  Damon : I haven't seen ya'll in about 12 years, nigga.

  Day-Day : I know, I was little...

  Damon : You're grown up now, though. Give a nigga a hug, dog.

  Day-Day : I'm about to go...

  [Craig grabs Day-Day and runs him into Damon] 

  Damon : [Damnon grabs Day-Day]  Yeah, man. It's cool, dog. It's cool. Come here. Yeah, right there.

  Damon : [Damon looks at Craig]  Group hug, nigga!

  Day-Day : Come on, Craig!

  [Craig walks to Damon] 

  Craig Jones : What's up, dog.

  Damon : What's up, nigga.

  Damon : It's good to be home. 'Cause in prison dog, hey... ain't nothing but the fellas, nigga.

  Day-Day : I heard.

• Craig Jones : Ho-ho, Motherfucker!

• Craig Jones : [beaten up Moly walks in Barbeque restaurant]  Daaaamn!

  Day-Day : [imitating Moly]  Someone call 9-1-1

  Mr. Jones : Moly... you got knocked the fuck out!

  Moly : Oh, good observation, buddy.

  [looks to Craig and Day-Day] 

  Moly : Where were you buddies, huh?

  Craig Jones : We was on our lunch break.

  Day-Day : Trying to get something to eat, so we can secure this nasty-ass lot.

  Moly : Good, good, good... you were eating while I was getting beating.

  Day-Day : Looks like somebody beat the bricks off your motherfucking ass.

  Moly : You are supposed to be a security guard, buddy, no?

  Day-Day : [pretending to be olivious]  We are security, ain't that a bitch?

  Craig Jones : We are security guards.

• Craig Jones : [walks into kitchen to discover Burglar dressed as Santa Claus eating a sandwich] 

  Craig Jones : What the hell you doing in my house; eating a big ass sandwich and shit?

  Santa Claus : Nigga, I'm Santa Claus; where the FUCK the milk and cookies?

• Craig Jones : [about Moly]  He ran the whole strip mall and he owned Holy Moly Donuts. But trust me, don't never ever, ever, EVER. Ever, ever, EVER eat there.

• Craig Jones : Jumpin' up like you Mr. Get Bad. Where da fuck was you when he was beatin' my ass wit dat tree?

• Broadway Bill : I'm appalled.

  Craig Jones : You ain't Paul. You a nigga that steal.

• Craig Jones : I convince Donna's fine ass to come back to the party. I got her in my room, slid the dresser behind the door, and got myself a early Christmas present.

  [door closes] 

  Craig Jones : *You know*!

• Craig Jones : About a year ago, my pops quit his dog-catching job and went into business with my uncle Elroy. They ran this spot called Brothers Barbecue. Taste so good, make you wanna slap yo' mama. You might have seen the commercial.

  Uncle Elroy : Ya'll tired of eatin' that barbecue from up the street? Where they give you more sauce than they give you meat? Then bring your big ass down to Bros. Barbecue, 15837 South Crenshaw Boulevard, that's right off Manchester. Bros. Barbecue, tastes so good, make you wanna slap yo' mama! Don't it, Willie?

  Mr. Jones : Yeah, boy! Hey, mama?

  Grandma Jones : What the hell you want, Willie?

  [Willie slaps her] 

  Uncle Elroy : Ain't but one location, so it's nearest you.

  Craig Jones : You might have missed it. They only had enough money for a 15-second spot. Well, my pops hooked us up with a job as Christmas help security.

• Craig Jones : That's right. Got my ass back in the projects. The only place where you get robbed by Santa Claus on Christmas Eve.

• Craig Jones : Tasha, how do we look?

  Tasha : Like a couple of rent-a-cops.

  Day-Day : What about them rented titties?

• Craig Jones : Man, I don't know if I can handle another goddamn Friday. This shit hurt.

• Craig Jones : Yo, Mama. Big Mama, you alright?

  Grandma Jones : Who are you?

  Craig Jones : It's Craig, Mama. Your oldest grandson. The smart one. Not Day-Day.

• Craig Jones : [to Elroy and Willie]  Y'all argue too much. Damn. Maybe y'all should get married.

• Craig Jones : Why every time you get a little position of power, you abuse yo authority?

• Craig Jones : [getting robbed]  I ain't got nothin' but twenty funky-ass dollars.

  Santa Claus : Oughta shoot yo broke ass.

• Day-Day : I can't even do the James Brown in these pants.

  Craig Jones : Good. I don't wanna see you do the James Brown.

  Day-Day : Man, we ain't never gonna get no pussy in these clothes.

• Officer Hole : This is Officer Brian Dix. I'm Officer Alvin Hole, and we'll let you know if anything develops.

  Craig Jones : [looks at card]  Officer A. Hole and B. Dix.

  Officer Hole : We'll call you.

• Craig Jones : Get yo titty off my chin.

• Mrs. Jones : [Mrs. Pearly has seduced Willie]  Willie, get yo ass off that heifer!

  Mr. Jones : Betty!

  Craig Jones : Daddy, get yo ass off that heifer!

• Uncle Elroy : Where your flashlight at? Rent-a-cops supposed to have flashlights. You gotta shine some damn body.

  Craig Jones : We supposed to get handcuffs, flashlights, taser guns.

  Day-Day : German shepherds.

  Uncle Elroy : Y'all must ain't heard what happened to the last security guards they had 'round here.

• Day-Day : Hey, I wanna ask you a question.

  Moly : Okay, what?

  Day-Day : When we get our guns?

  Moly : Oh, no, no guns. You are top-flight unarmed security guards.

  Craig Jones : What about walkie talkies?

  Day-Day : And some flashlights. In case we catch some girl giving up some head right in the back behind the trash cans, I could come back there with the flashlight and catch her.

  Moly : You guys are supposed to be big, tough guys. You don't need all these gidgets-gadgets, huh. All you need is this here.

  [hands them whistles] 

  Moly : If there are any problems, you just blow. Toot-toot!

  Day-Day : [they blow their whistles; Craig is standing right next to Day-Day]  Goddamn, Craig!

• Craig Jones : You heard what happened to the last security guards.

  Day-Day : You didn't even hear what happened to the last security guards, so how da fuck is I'm gonna hear it?

• Money Mike : [holding Damon by the testicles with a pair of pliers]  Hold these til I get in the car.

  Craig Jones : Dude, I ain't about to touch his nuts or them vice grips.

  Money Mike : Oh yes you are.

  Craig Jones : No I'm not.

  Money Mike : Yes you are!

  Craig Jones : Bullshit.

  Money Mike : This is yo party. Yo pliers. His nuts. In yo hands!

• Damon : Who's that?

  Craig Jones : That's, uh... that's Donna.

  Damon : Who da nigga she with?

  Craig Jones : Oh, that's just Money Mike, little Lucky Charms, micro-mini pimp.

  Damon : Yeah, that nigga look magically delicious.

• Craig Jones : [after Santa got hit by Pinky's limo]  Should I tell him?

  Day-Day : Let's both tell him.

  Craig Jones , Day-Day : You got knocked da FUCK out!

  Craig Jones : Biatch!

• Craig Jones : You can't talk to people like that. That's somebody's grandmama, fool.

  Day-Day : I can talk to anybody any fuckin' way I wanna talk to 'em. I'm the law around here, and I'm gonna write yo ass up for insubordination. So let me do my job and you do yours. Top flight!

• Craig Jones : So all we gonna do is take it easy, make this money, you gonna watch yo temper.

  Day-Day : I ain't gotta watch shit.

  Craig Jones : You gonna treat people right, talk to people right. You can get yo ass kicked out here real quick.

  Day-Day : So? I don't care nothin' about that. Don't nobody be gettin' outta hand.

  Craig Jones : And I ain't gettin' into no shit because of you.

• Craig Jones : You remedial.

  Day-Day : What does that mean?

  Craig Jones : Retarded.

• Craig Jones : He looked like Bobby Brown in a goddamn Santa Claus suit.

• Craig Jones : [to Officer A. Hole]  Do your fuckin job!

• Day-Day : [interrupting a trio of carolers]  Heaven and a... fuck all that shit! Y'all hos gotta get up off the corner with that.

  Sister Sarah : Excuse me, sugar, what did you say?

  Day-Day : Y'all heard me what I said. I said y'all hos gotta get off this corner

  Sister Sarah : You better watch yo little filthy mouth. You are talking to children of the lord.

  Day-Day : I want you to know who you're talking to too: top flight motherfucking security.

  Craig Jones : [running up]  Hey wait a minute, Day-Day, you can't talk to these old-ass ladies like that!

• Officer Hole : Oh and when we find St. Nick, what do y'all want us to do to him? Cracked ribs? Fractured skull? Little eye gouge?

  Craig Jones , Day-Day : Fractured skull.

  Day-Day : Beat da shit out of him.

  Craig Jones : Eye gouge. That's the shit.

  Officer Hole : [writes it down]  And an eye gouge.

• Craig Jones : [narrating]  Man, I couldn't believe how Day-Day was actin'. Ever since he got that whistle 'round his neck, he been actin' like a real asshole rent-a-cop. Look at him.

• Craig Jones : [offering Day Day a joint]  Light it up before I beat dat ass.

• Craig Jones : Look, he hit Santa ass!

• Craig Jones : You need to work on yo people skills.

  Day-Day : That's some bullshit. My people skills are way better than yours, nigga.

• Craig Jones : You ain't evictin' nobody, 'less you got a motherfuckin' army wit you.

  Mrs. Pearly : I don't need no army, Mr. Smart-ass. My son Damon home right now.

  Craig Jones , Day-Day : DAMON?

  Craig Jones : [in narrative]  I had a nightmare 'bout that fool last night.

  Damon : [flashes to dream; Damon walks into Craig and Day-Day's prison cell]  Day-Day. Craig. Which one of you bitches is gonna wash my drawers tonight?

  Craig Jones , Day-Day : [pointing to each other]  That would be him.

  [Damon tosses his laundry on both of them] 

  Day-Day : I wash on Sundays... anyway.

  Craig Jones : Starch or press?

  Damon : Starch, nigga!

• Craig Jones : The clothes don't make the player, the player make the clothes.

• Craig Jones : [after Day-Day walks in on he and Donna; Donna gets up to leave]  Man, I ain't never gonna get no pussy.

• Mrs. Pearly : Oh yeah, Craig, tell yo fine daddy I said Hiiiiiiii.

  [leaves apartment] 

  Craig Jones : [shudders and slams the door after her]  Hate that bitch!

• Craig Jones : [after Mrs. Pearly seduced Willie and his wife walked in on them]  Whoop his ass, Mama! Whoop his ass, Mama.

  [to Mrs. Pearly] 

  Craig Jones : Pearly, you ain't right. Tryin' to give my daddy VD.

  Mrs. Pearly : I'm callin' the police on y'all, fool!

  Craig Jones : Get that lined up too first, bitch!

• Craig Jones : We the victims, man. We the victims.

  Officer Hole : That victim shit is way overblown. Just sit there and shut up.

  Craig Jones : [sotto]  Asshole.

• Day-Day : I ain't goin'.

  Craig Jones : Stop being so scary. All our stuff might be in there.

  Day-Day : I'm not... why you always got to be a hero, man? Take your... go on over there, I'll bet something bite you in the ass. I'm not going.

  Craig Jones : I don't wanna get bit in the ass.

• Craig Jones : How is she gonna like you when she like me?

  Day-Day : Because she hadn't seen me yet.

  Craig Jones : I wish I hadn't seen you yet.

• Craig Jones : What you need to do is grab one of these fine females and get your boogie on.

  Damon : I don't wanna dance with none of these hos.

• Moly : [while smoking a cigar]  Take lunch, one half hour. Don't be late!

  [walks away] 

  Day-Day : That's a dirty motherfucker. He gon' blow smoke in our face on the first arrest? That's bullshit.

  Craig Jones : See? I told you there ain't no future in being a company man.

• Craig Jones : Day-Day, we only security guards, okay? Ghetto security guards at that. We ain't Cops, we ain't America's Most Wanted, N.Y.P.D. Blue, none of that shit you watch.

  Day-Day : Something like that.

  Craig Jones : No, nothing like that.

• Craig Jones : [sees that Sister Sarah with those boys]  Ain't that?

  [Day-Day running away] 

  Sister Sarah : Get them, niggas! Come on, sugars! Come on!