Max Rothman:
Come on Hitler, I'll buy you a glass of lemonade.
Max Rothman:
You're an awfully hard man to like, Hitler, but I'm gonna try. Because if I've learned anything over the past four years, it's that we all shit the same, scream the same, and die the same.
Max Rothman:
So you're an anti-Semite?
Adolf Hitler:
On the contrary, I admire the Jews.
Max Rothman:
Really?
Adolf Hitler:
Yes, they're very intelligent people
Max Rothman:
There are intelligent ones and not so intelligent ones...
Adolf Hitler:
They're all intelligent because they guard the purity of their blood.
Max Rothman:
What?
Adolf Hitler:
The purity of the blood. Because the secret of the Jews lies in their pure Jewish blood. That's why they're the mightiest counterpart to the Aryan race. What's the secret? Is your father Jewish?
Max Rothman:
Yes, he is.
Adolf Hitler:
Mother?
Adolf Hitler:
Why not ask whether she's a German?
Adolf Hitler:
Mensch! Of course your mom's Jewish.
Max Rothman:
You're an awfully hard man to like, Hitler, but I'm gonna try, because if I've learned anything over the past four years, it's that we all shit the same, scream the same, and die the same.
Adolf Hitler:
There's no need for vulgarity, Rothman.
Max Rothman:
I know where you've been and God knows we've all been turned into assholes there. Listen to me well, you may not think you're an anti-Semite, but in fact you are.
Adolf Hitler:
I'm not.
Max Rothman:
But in this, as in all things, there's a reason. Your own hero Nietzsche said anti-Semitism is the ideology of those who feel cheated.
Adolf Hitler:
How do you know Nietzsche's my hero?
Max Rothman:
You've obviously skimmed his ideas.
Adolf Hitler:
I don't feel cheated.
Max Rothman:
Excellent. Then stop acting like it.
Adolf Hitler:
Are you gonna smoke another cigarette? You just put one out.
Max Rothman:
Exactly. Now where is my instinct, my secret instinct for self-preservation, I ask you? I've heard these theories all my life. Blood science, eugenics, it's rubbish. It's complete nonsense, it's kitsch. Put it out of your mind. It's not modern, it's not scientific. It will hold you back as an artist. Speaking of which, how's your work coming along? And why are you making those appalling speeches for the army?
Adolf Hitler:
I'm just keeping my hand in it.
Art patron/friend of Max's:
Hitler? Never heard of him.
Max Rothman:
You will.
Max Rothman:
Try not to be one of those people who finds a slight in any compliment.
Max Rothman:
[
to His Kids] Hello midgets.
Max Rothman:
[
referring to Hitler] He had a bad war.
Max Rothman:
I've seen the future. Believe me, it came straight at us. There's no future in the future.
Liselore Von Peltz:
I didn't know you had a Monet.
Max Rothman:
[
mouths] I don't.
Liselore Von Peltz:
Where's your wife?
Max Rothman:
Waiting for her entrance, I suppose.
Liselore Von Peltz:
And where does that leave me?
Max Rothman:
Talented, with options.
Max Rothman:
Half man, half doll - every woman's dream.
Max Rothman:
[
talking about Hitler's art] I keep going back to this notion of "authentic voice". What I mean to say is, I was there, and you were there, and I know what it looked like... but what did it *feel* like?
Art patron/friend of Max's:
So if art, as an object, is dead, why is everything so expensive?
Max Rothman:
Otherwise nobody would buy it.
Adolf Hitler:
Listen Rothman, I've lost FOUR YEARS!
Max Rothman:
Yes, we've *all* lost four years. Some of us a little more. Do you want a show?
Adolf Hitler:
I'd kill for you if you gave me a show!
Max Rothman:
Don't kill for me, please. Just do what you do. Be anxious, be nervous, *tell* me you're the unknown soldier come back to haunt us - with your brush, Hitler! With your brush - can you do that? 'Cause that's what you've got to do. You've got to take all this pent-up stuff you're quivering with, and you've got to hurl it onto the canvas. It doesn't have to be good and it doesn't have to be beautiful, it just has to be true.
[
pause]
Max Rothman:
And even if it's a lie, make it an interesting lie, and I'll put it up. I swear.
Adolf Hitler:
You do think I'm talented, don't you?
Max Rothman:
I think there's definitely *something* rustling behind your curtain, yes.
Max Rothman:
[
re patriotic propaganda] I used to think we rode into the war on horseback. But now I realize that in fact, we rode into the war on words. Yes, my friend, words. If the high command had used nails to hammer our feet to the mud, I think we would have found a pair of pliers, passed them down the line, and made a break for it. But the words... the words kept us rooted to the ground.
Hildegard:
Just remember, Max, Florence Nightingale died of syphilis.
Max Rothman:
And that means what?
Hildegard:
Don't get too close to charity cases.
Adolf Hitler:
Politics is the new art!
Adolf Hitler:
I am the new avant garde!
Adolf Hitler:
Would you die for the mother in law land?
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