Nearest and Dearest (1972)

Hylda Baker: Nellie Pledge

Quotes 

• [the Pledges survey their parents' grave] 

  Nellie Pledge : There's room for us two in there, y'know. Are you coming in?

  Eli Pledge : I'm not going down there. When I die I'm donating my body to medical science.

  Nellie Pledge : Oh, that's very nice, isn't it? And what about on the day of adjudication when Gabriel sounds his horn - where will you be, eh? Scattered all over the infirmary in jam-jars. You'll be better off in there with us.

  Eli Pledge : [Eli sees Lily and Walter approaching]  Hello, here they are - Burke and Hare.

  Nellie Pledge : Oh, you got here at last then, our Lily? You've only just missed him.

  [She regards Walter] 

  Nellie Pledge : Oh - has he been?

  [Walter looks puzzled] 

  Nellie Pledge : I think he's been.

  Lily Tattersall : Took him a right long time to find it.

  Eli Pledge : I'll bet it did.

  Nellie Pledge : I suppose you'd like to throw some soil at him, would you Walter?

  [Walter nods] 

  Nellie Pledge : Alright then.

  [Walter grabs a handful of soil and throws it in Eli's face] 

  Eli Pledge : Not me, cloghead!

  [Points into grave] 

  Eli Pledge : Him!

  Lily Tattersall : He's been right looking forward to coming here today.

  Nellie Pledge : Yeah well, it'll be nice day out for him, won't it?

  Eli Pledge : By t'look of him, it's hardly worthwhile him going home.

• Eli Pledge : If I've been boozing, it's because I've been boozing to forget.

  Nellie Pledge : To forget what?

  Eli Pledge : I don't remember.

• Nellie Pledge : Is that money burning a hole in your pocket?

  Eli Pledge : That money you gave me wouldn't burn a hole in a string vest.

• [Nellie is worried about her honeymoon night] 

  Nellie Pledge : Did me dad tell you?

  Eli Pledge : I did ask him once. I said to him, "Dad, I feel I'm growing up and I'd like to know where I come from."

  Nellie Pledge : And what did he say?

  Eli Pledge : He looked me up and down and he said "I keep asking myself the same bloody question." What did our mam tell you?

  Nellie Pledge : Nothing.

  Eli Pledge : Well, did you ever ask her?

  Nellie Pledge : Yes. She said she'd tell me after I'd turned 21.

  Eli Pledge : Well, what did she tell you when you turned 21?

  Nellie Pledge : "Well," she said, "if I didn't know then I never bloody would know."

• Eli Pledge : After fifteen years you must be a bit knackered.

  Nellie Pledge : I am neither knackered, knockered or knickered - and any changes made here will be made over my dogsbody!

• Nellie Pledge : [Yawns]  That sea air! I think I'll be going upstairs. This new living bra, I think it's gone to sleep on me chest; sticking to me sunburn.

• [In desperation, Vernon phones what he hopes will be his cash cow] 

  Nellie Pledge : Hello, Pledge's Pickles speaking. This is Nellie Pickle - I mean, Nellie Pledge.

  Vernon Smallpiece : Hello Nellie. It's Vernon here.

  Nellie Pledge : [Excitedly]  Oh! Have we come up on the pools?

  Vernon Smallpiece : No no no no - not Vernons, Vernon!

• [Nellie's wedding day has gone awry] 

  Nellie Pledge : Well, at least I got something out of it.

  Eli Pledge : What?

  Nellie Pledge : A sideboard full of presents. If they want them back, well I mean - at least I'll have had 'em once.

  Eli Pledge : Hey - you've still got me.

  Nellie Pledge : Yeah, God help me. Well come on, let's collect that lot and let's get home and have the do.

  Eli Pledge : You're not still having the do?

  Nellie Pledge : We've got to have somebody to help us to eat all that boiled ham.

• [Nellie has inspected nude statues at the art gallery] 

  Nellie Pledge : Ooooh, these sculpturers! They don't know when to stop chiselling, do they?

  Eli Pledge : I suppose that statue is what you call a Greek god.

  Nellie Pledge : Well, I don't know if he were Greek, but he were a big lad.

  Eli Pledge : Well, what's worrying you then?

  Nellie Pledge : Well, I'm going to get married next week, aren't I? I don't want Vernon to be disappointed.

  Eli Pledge : If you're going by that statue in the art gallery it's you that's going to be bloody disappointed.

• Nellie Pledge : [Looks at Walter]  Is he still a blood donor?

  Lily Tattersall : Now and again.

  Eli Pledge : It's about time he asked for some back.

• Nellie Pledge : You bow-legged brewers' boil!

  Eli Pledge : Who are you calling names, you knock-kneed knackered old nosebag?

  Nellie Pledge : You big fleas' armpit!