- Wendy: I am so over this fraternity shit. There's three miles of dick in this place and not an inch of it is worth my time.
- Sully: [about his virgin girlfriend] Either I'm terrifically well-endowed or she's terrifically not. The girl's so tight she makes Fort Knox look like a flea market.
- [Thompson calls, once again]
- Jake: [picks up phone, angrily] Listen to me...
- Paige Forrester: [takes phone from Jake] No, listen to *me*, you dickless fuck. I know exactly what you're trying to do and I want you to know two things. One, even if you called here a thousand times tonight, Jake would still be getting laid. And two, if you bother us even once in the next ten hours, I'll see to it he tells everyone about the transsexual drag queen you were having cybersex with over the internet.