Queer as Folk (2000–2005)

Gale Harold: Brian Kinney

Photos 

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Quotes 

• [Justin walks out in his wedding tux] 

  Brian : Holy shit.

  Justin : What?

  Brian : You look...

  Justin : Good? Bad? Laughable?

  Brian : Beautiful.

• Brian Kinney : [whispers in his ear]  I love you.

  Justin : [sighs] 

  Brian Kinney : I love you.

• Brian Kinney : I don't believe in love; I believe in fucking. It's honest, it's efficient. You get in and out with the maximum of pleasure and minimum of bullshit. Love is something straight people tell themselves they're in so they can get laid, and then they end up hurting each other because it was all based on lies to begin with.

• Brian : Remember what I said to you last night?

  Justin : Yes, I heard. You said you love me.

  Brian : Then how about marrying me?

• Justin : I should have told you about him.

  Brian Kinney : And taken all the fun out of it? So how big's his dick?

  Justin : That has nothing to do with it.

  Brian Kinney : Since when? You love cock, you love it down your throat, you love it up your ass, you love riding it, and after you cum, you love to fall asleep when it's still inside of you.

• Brian : [to Craig Taylor]  So in other words, for Justin to live here with you, he has to deny who he is... what he thinks... and how he feels. Well, that's not love. That's hate.

• Brian : It's not lying if they make you lie. If the only truth they can accept is their own.

• Brian Kinney : You stupid little twat, never let anyone fuck you without a condom.

  Justin : You're not just anyone.

  Brian Kinney : Yeah, I'm sure that's what Ben thought about the guy who infected him. Put it on me... I want you safe. I want you around for a long time.

• [about Justin leaving] 

  Brian : You infected him, with your petty, bourgois, mediocre, conformist, assimilationist life! Thanks to you he's got visions - babies, weddings, white picket fences - dancing in his blond little head.

  Michael : And you think *I* put them there?

  Brian : Before you and your husband tied the noose around your necks he was perfectly happy! But now, he's a defector, just like the rest of you!

  Michael : He was never perfectly happy! Waiting for years for you to say "I love you, you're the only one I want."

  Brian : That's *not* who I am!

  Michael : Don't we all know!

• Brian Kinney : [to Justin]  You walked down with me, back to the Jeep, and we were goofing, we were dancing. I kissed you, said 'later,' and then you turned around and smiled. Then I knew why Debbie calls you Sunshine.

• Brian : What are you doing?

  Justin : Giving my friend Daphne a tour of your house.

  Brian : This isn't the White House. George Washington hasn't slept here.

  Justin : He's the only guy who hasn't.

• Justin : This was the best night of my life.

  Brian : Even if it was ridiculously romantic.

• Melanie : I told you, he's a total heterophobe.

  Justin : It's true, he is.

  Brian Kinney : It's true, I am.

• [Justin's about to leave for New York] 

  Justin : I'll be back. And you'll come there, we're gonna see each other all the time.

  Brian : You don't know that. Neither do I. Whether we see each other next week, next month, never again, it doesn't matter. It's only time.

  Justin : [picking up the box that holds their wedding rings]  You didn't return them?

  Brian : I didn't return them.

  Justin : We don't need rings or vows to prove that we love each other. We already know that.

  Brian : ...You did it.

  Justin : Did what?

  Brian : Became the best homosexual you could possibly be.

• Brian Kinney : What're you doing?

  Justin : Killing you with kindness. It's proven to be a highly effective technique for achieving one's goals.

• Brian : Didn't your daddy ever teach you how to tie a tie?

  Justin : No, he was too busy kicking me out and beating the shit out of you.

  Brian : Well neither did mine. He was too busy regretting the day I was born, c'mere.

• [Ted's trying to get Brian to talk about losing both Michael and Justin] 

  Ted : You can't fool me. You gotta free yourself of this burden. Release it. Let it all hang out.

  Brian : My mother was a frigid bitch. My father was an abusive drunk. They had a hateful marriage, which is probably why I am unwilling or unable to form a committed long-term relationship of my own. The fact that I drink like a fish, abuse drugs, and have more or less redefined promiscuity doesn't help, much. As a result, I've lost the two people in my life that mean most to me.

• Brian Kinney : The first time you came here, you didn't know anything about me. I could have done anything to you.

  Justin : I was pretty sure you were gonna fuck me.

• Michael : He's a selfish little shit.

  Brian Kinney : Be quiet, Michael.

  Michael : He used you, and he took from you, and he never gave back a thing.

  Brian Kinney : I said be quiet!

  Michael : And this is thanks you get for saving his life. If you ask me, it wasn't worth it, you might as well have just left him lying there...

  Brian Kinney : [punches Michael in the face] 

• Brian : Sunshine, how did I ever get along without you?

  Justin : You didn't.

• Brian : Don't get yourself all worked up.

  Michael : I'm half Italian and half drag queen. I'm allowed to get worked up.

• Brian : We're queer. We don't need marriage. We don't need the sanction of dickless politicians and pederast priests. We fuck who we want to, when we want to. That is our God-given right.

  Michael : But it is also our God-given right to have everything that straight people have. Because we're every bit as much human as they are.

• [Brian doesn't want Gus to move to Canada] 

  Brian : He's not the only one I'm going to be losing. I don't want you to go, Wendy.

  Lindsay : I have to, Peter.

• Brian Kinney : Wouldn't you rather just cuddle?

  Justin : What?

  Brian Kinney : I said wouldn't you rather just lie here...

  Justin : No no no, I heard what you said. You said "cuddle"!

• [after Michael informs Hunter that Brian already has a boyfriend] 

  Hunter : You do?

  Brian Kinney : In a non-defined, non-conventional way, yeah.

• [Michael and Hunter argue about Hunter's 'job' as a hustler] 

  Michael Charles Novotny : This guy could have killed you.

  Hunter : They all could.

  Michael Charles Novotny : Well, if you know that why do you do it?

  Hunter : I have low self-esteem. I was sexualized at too early an age. It's exciting, fun, and a great way to make non-reportable income.

  Michael Charles Novotny : I would like an honest answer, smart-ass.

  Brian Kinney : He just gave you one.

• Brian : I don't want to be with someone who sacrified their life and called it love... to be with me.

  Justin : Neither do I.

• Lindsay : You'll be all right?

  Brian : Wiffout you cwazy wesbians?

  Lindsay : I meant Justin.

  Brian : He's a selfish prick. Thinks only of himself.

  Lindsay : You taught him well... I know. I'm sorry. No apologies.

  Brian : No regrets.

  [they kiss] 

• Ted : [on dating a guy who's HIV positive]  It's like playing with fire. I mean... what if a condom breaks? Or he's flossing his teeth and his gums bleed?

  Brian : Or he shoots off his load and you're bending over to tie your shoe and it accidentally flies up your ass...

• Brian Kinney : This used to be such a magical kingdom, full of sprites and fairies.

  Justin : Now it's like watching the Wizard of Oz in reverse.

  Brian Kinney : Cops in the streets, cops in the bars, cops in the clubs. It's fucking depressing!

  Justin : Unless you're into cops.

• Brian : Do you know what I remember from high school?

  Michael : That time in Biology when you beat off in a test tube and tried to call it your science experiment?

  Brian : Food. There was always lots of food at your house.

  Michael : Well, that's an Italian thing. And there was always lots of booze at your house.

  Brian : That's an Irish thing.

• Brian : When did you change?

  Michael : What?

  Brian : When did you become this pious, sanctimonious, judgmental twit?

  Michael : The point is not when did I change, the point is why haven't you? When are you gonna stop being some over-the-hill club boy and grow up?

  Brian : Oh, so now I'm the object of your disapproval, too. You and the Nutty Professor get married, in fucking Canada! You move to Stepford Avenue with all the other ersatz heterosexuals, and suddenly that gives you the right to make pronouncements on everybody else's life? Well, welcome to the other side of your perfect marriage, Mikey. It's called gay divorce. Fags and dykes can fuck up their lives just like the rest of the world.

• Michael Charles Novotny : I don't know how you do it, working all day, fucking all night.

  Brian Kinney : Well they say in the vast emptiness of space, the faster you move, the slower you age. I have to believe the same holds true for Pittsburgh. You care to join me?

  Michael Charles Novotny : You'll have to stay forever young without me.

  Brian Kinney : I understand, you're in a committed relationship with your, what is that hideous expression? Significant other? Loser.

• Michael : He wants me to be honest, to tell him what I really think.

  Brian Kinney : And what do you really think?

  Michael : It was kinda boring.

  Brian Kinney : Kinda like him? He's your partner, Mikey. You gotta sit him down, take his hand and tell him "Honey, it's a steaming pile of horseshit."

  Michael : Could you say that to Justin?

  Brian Kinney : Yeah. Fortunately... he's a genius.

  Michael : You are so helpful.

• Michael Charles Novotny : You fucked a murderer?

  Hunter : What's the big deal? I used a condom.

  Brian Kinney : [to Michael]  Well, your safe sex lecture paid off.

• Brian : How do I look?

  Justin : Great... You always look great.

• Justin : He loves me.

  Brian Kinney : Your dreamy-eyed school boy.

  Justin : In ways that you can't.

  Brian Kinney : In ways that I won't.

• [walking up to a drunk Emmett] 

  Justin : We're going to Babylon. You wanna come?

  Emmett : I'm not really in the mood for men or muscles or music... I'd rather stay here, get shit-faced.

  Brian : You passed shit-faced about 10 miles back.

  Emmett : So I've had a few cocktails. Does that qualify me for rehab? Besides, I've already been there.

  Justin : Did you see Ted?

  Emmett : And you'll never guess who's there with him.

  Brian : Liza?

  Justin : Robert Downey, Jr.?

  Brian : Ben Affleck?

  Justin : Matthew Perry?

• Monty : Which one of you is the gardener and which one's the chef?

  Justin : I really like cooking.

  Brian : And I love planting my seed in some hole...

  [everyone looks at him strangely] 

  Brian : ... in the ground.

• Debbie : It's three days. Three fucking days and not one fucking word. Except for this strange cryptic message - Don't worry, Ma, I'm all right.

  Justin : Doesn't sound strange or cryptic to me.

  Debbie : Well, you're not a mother.

  Ben : I just talked to him, Debbie, and he's all right.

  Debbie : He is not all right. A mother can always read between the lines. It's the first time since Michael's learned how to pick up a phone that we haven't talked three times a day.

  Justin : Three?

  Brian Kinney : I know, it explains so much.

• Brian Kinney : I'm suing the motherfucker.

  Michael : Take it easy, Brian.

  Brian Kinney : He said I was thirty-one!... I'm thirty.

  Justin : Is that all you care about? He practically called you a child molester.

  Brian Kinney : And who should know, better than... you.

• Brian Kinney : He's my best friend since we were 14.

  Dr. David Cameron : That's 16 years of waiting. He's been waiting so long he actually thinks he's happy. But you and I both know that he's never gonna get what he really wants, is he?

  Brian Kinney : And what is that, Doc?

  Dr. David Cameron : For you to fuck him.

• Michael : I don't wanna be a saint. I wanna be a ruthless, heartless shit who fucks whoever he wants without conscience or remorse.

  Brian : I'm sorry, that position's already been filled.

• [about Gus] 

  Lindsay : Isn't he a little young for James Dean?

  Brian : Well you don't want him watching The Teletubbies. Might make him gay.

• Michael : Look, what happened between us, I just wanted to say...

  Brian : Forget it. I behaved like an asshole; you behaved like a bigger one. So... you wanna be my best man?

  Michael : Really?

  Brian : You've always stood up for me. Why should now be any different?

• Melanie : You finally grew a heart.

  Brian : Maybe you'll have the same luck growing a penis.

• Brian Kinney : [to his mother]  If I have to spend an eternity of eternities burning in hell, it's better than spending one good day in heaven WITH YOU!

• Brian Kinney : If you don't earn respect when you're alive, you don't deserve it when you're dead.

• Lindsay : Justin has an amazing feel for the human form.

  Brian Kinney : Yes, I've noticed that myself.

• Lindsay : In your own weird, subversive way, you're not a bad father.

  Brian Kinney : Well, I prefer to see myself as the anti-dad.

  Lindsay : Whatever you are, if you'd like to spend more time with him, all you have to do is ask.

  Brian Kinney : I think I'll stick to my un-credited cameo appearances.

  Lindsay : You know, one day in the not-too-distant future, we'll be watching him graduate from school. Then I imagine he'll meet a lovely young girl - or boy. Get married, maybe. Have grandchildren, maybe.

  Brian Kinney : Oh, you really know how to kill a moment, don't you?

  Lindsay : Don't worry. I'm sure you'll be the hottest, handsomest anti-grandpa ever.

• Brian Kinney : [to Justin]  By the way... I missed you.

• Michael : Have you ever been on a date?

  Brian : One. I ended up fucking the waiter.

• Emmett : What kind of homosexual are you?

  Brian : The kind that fucks men.

• [Brian's looking at his car] 

  Brian : This is like that time in 7th grade when I lent you my brand new 10-speed and when you brought it back my front fender was crushed, my seat was torn...

  Michael : I was hit by a bus!

• Brian Kinney : You've been to enough heterosexual suicide pacts to know this is a wedding cake.

• Justin : I fucked him so hard my dick's gonna be sore for a week.

  Brian Kinney : I don't wanna hear about it.

  Michael : Actually, I wanna hear more...

  Ted : Speak slowly and enunciate...

• Ted : The contractor just told me that Babylon will be back on its dancing feet in no time with enough insurance money left over to put in that new sound system.

  Brian : That's good news. Except I've decided not to reopen the club.

  Ted : What?

  Brian : Babylon is history.

  Ted : But it's your baby, your toy, your personal playground.

  Brian : Well, now it's a battleground.

  Ted : What are you gonna do with it?

  Brian : You said there're developers who wanna tear it down, put in a mini mall.

  Ted : And you said you'd sooner die than see our happy homo home homogenized.

  Brian : Enough people have already died. Anyway, who'd pay 20 bucks to dance in the memory of bombs and corpses?

• Michael : She hit me. My mother fucking hit me!

  Ted : She's always hitting you.

  Brian Kinney : That's how she shows her affection.

  Michael : I mean for real.

  Brian Kinney : Well, what did Mikey do?

  Michael : I told her she was pathetic for dating that fag-hating cop.

  Ted : You know, if she keeps this up, we're going to have to take her honorary queer button away.

  Michael : Where are her values? Her principles?

  Brian Kinney : You know how it is when you want cock. They're the first things to go.

• Michael : You have anything to say?

  Brian Kinney : No.

  Michael : Well I do. You can fuck him at your place, you can fuck him in his gym class, you can fuck him at the zoo - but you can NOT fuck him in my mother's house! In my room!

• Brian Kinney : Well, there's no predicting. Oops, I said dick, didn't I.

• Brian : If you don't want me to give you the money I'll loan it to you.

  Justin : I don't need your handouts.

  Brian : It's not a handout. When you graduate and get a real job you can pay me back with interest.

  Justin : No thanks.

  Brian : ...Why are you being such a twat?

• Brian : Basic rule of advertising and eternal damnation: Once you sell your soul to the devil, he holds the copyright.

• [about their first night at Babylon, so many years ago] 

  Brian : I thought I looked pretty hot.

  Michael : You did look pretty hot... That night I jerked off thinking about you.

  Brian : Well, whaddya know. I jerked off thinking about me, too.

• Ted : I saw you. Fucking. When I woke up. I thought: I'm in hell and this is my punishment, watching Brian Kinney fucking for all eternity.

  Brian Kinney : You should be so lucky.

• Brian Kinney : You know what's wrong with our extracurricular one-fuck only policy?

  Justin : Is it that after a while, you start asking yourself, am I doing this because I WANT to do it, or because I NEED to do it? And if I NEED to do it, is it to prove that I'm still young and attractive? Or because I feel unworthy of being loved?

  Brian Kinney : Or maybe it's that I've had *every fuckable guy in here*!

• [Justin's making the wedding seating chart while he and Brian are talking about Gus moving] 

  Justin : Y'know, you amaze me. He's your son and you're acting like you don't give a shit.

  Brian : They're his parents, not me. I'm just...

  Justin : An uncredited guest appearance, I know. You should give yourself more credit. I see how you are when you're with him, it's like nobody else on earth exists. And the way he looks at you...

  Brian : Y'know, I don't think you should seat your mom's boyfriend next to Debbie unless you're trying to scare him away.

  Justin : Would you listen to me? Are you listening?

  Brian : Yeah, I'm listening.

  Justin : You are not your father. You love your son. Now what's it gonna take for you to admit it, another bomb?

• Brian Kinney : If someone would've told me what you were up to I would've fired your ass... if I hadn't had my dick inside it.

  Justin : But I'm not sorry for anything.

  Brian Kinney : I'm not saying you should be sorry, I'm saying you should apologize.

• Brian : He stole all my clothes. I'm suspecting gay-on-gay crime here.

  Lindsay : It wouldn't surprise me. You've had more visitors than Disney World.

• Lindsay : He's been saying "Dada" all morning.

  Brian : So he's developed an interest in German surrealism...

• [Ben opens the front door] 

  Ben : Brian!

  Brian : Excellent, Professor. You recognize the subject and can identify him by name.

  Ben : We've gone to bed.

  Brian : That's right, I forgot. The Stepford Husbands turn in early!

• Michael : This is where it all began...

  Brian : ...and ended.

  Michael : But it's who we are. It's what made us.

  Brian : Didn't you say that this was all just a cheap illusion? That outside life goes on and in here nothing ever changes?

  Michael : I did say that, yes, but that was before I realized that some things aren't meant to change. Dance with me.

• Ben : Your friend Stockwell chased all the hustlers off Liberty Avenue - now they're right under our bedroom window.

  Brian Kinney : Say what you will about city living, you can't beat it for the convenience.

• Brian Kinney : Justin is a big boy. He should be allowed to make his own mistakes.

• Emmett : You're just jealous because we have what you don't.

  Brian : Anal warts?

• Brian : I want it to be you

  Michael : What?

  Brian : I want it to be you. I'll put it in writing.

  Michael : I want it to be you, too. You pull my plug.

  Brian : And you pull mine.

• [Brian's just about to re-open Babylon] 

  Brian : I haven't had this much fun with a toy since my Erector Set!

  Emmett : My parents couldn't afford an Erector Set. So I decided to play with the one God gave me.

• Brian : Good evening, twats.

  Emmett : Would you kindly refrain from using derogatory references to women, since they represent half my fan base.

  Brian : Have any hermaphrodites?

  Emmett : I don't think so.

  Brian : Good. Go fuck yourself.

• [Michael can't stand to talk about Mel and Linz moving] 

  Michael : I don't wanna talk about this.

  Brian : Fine, let's talk about something else. What should I wear to my wedding? My mom wants me to wear the gown she wore, but, let's face it, she never had much luck.

• Melanie : [about Lindsay marrying Guillaume]  What if he never leaves? What if he becomes a permanent fixture?

  Brian : What if my aunt had balls? She'd be my uncle.

• Michael : I want you to know what you're doing really sucks.

  Brian : Oh Christ, not you too. Look, Stockwell's just stirring shit up. Once he gets elected this will all blow over.

  Michael : You think it's going to blow over for Ted?

  Brian : Um, Ted fucked up. That's not my problem.

  Michael : Mom's right, you don't care about anyone but yourself.

  Brian : Well if I don't who will, you know? Stockwell and his supporters are my first class ticket out of this second-rate, second-class Burg.

  Michael : What about about your 'second-rate' friends?

  Brian : When I'm on the 99th floor of my new office in New York, this will all seem like a distant memory.

  Michael : Fine. Go.

  [starts to leave] 

  Michael : Take Justin with you.

  Brian : Wait, you didn't let me finish. It'll all seem like a distant memory except for you. Because no matter where I go or who I'm with. I'll always love you.

  Michael : Bullshit.

  Brian : It's not bullshit.

  [He kisses Michael on the forehead] 

• [Brian tells Ted he plans to buy Babylon] 

  Brian : I want it!

  Ted : Oh, you want it! What for?

  Brian : I gotta keep the boys off the street at night. I gotta provide them with a warm, friendly environment in which to use illegal substances and have promiscuous sex - safely, of course.

  Ted : Noble sentiment. But investment-wise, not very practical.

  Brian : And what would be practical, Theodore? To get married? And move to the suburbs? And become a home-lovin', child-raisin', God-fearin' imitation heterosexual? And for what? So that I can become another dead soul, goin' to the mall, droppin' my kids off at school, and having barbecues in the backyard? That's *their* death. Not mine. I'm a cock-sucker! I'm queer! And to anyone who takes pity or offense, I say, "judge yourself." This is where I live. This is who I am.

• Brian : [shows Lindsay a poster]  Blue Rooster. The chicken chain. They need a campaign for their new 16-ounce sandwich. How do ya like, "When You're Hungry For A Big Cock!"?

  [Lindsay blankly stares] 

  Brian : Yeah, they didn't like it either.

• Brian Kinney : Remember last Christmas when I came to pick you up and you were setting up for Santa's Workshop?

  Michael : Not Santa, don't tell me you fucked Santa!

  Brian Kinney : Even I wouldn't do that - I'm not into fat. His elf.

• Brian Kinney : I've always dreamed of having an office with a drain in the floor.

• Debbie : [trying to comfort Michael when he was unable to donate his sperm]  Don't be so hard on yourself.

  Brian Kinney : [turns around]  I wouldn't mention "hard on!"

• Brian Kinney : Aw, Melanie the Martyr - should I set you on fire?

• Detective Carl Horvath : You were right.

  Brian Kinney : My three favourite words after 'nine inches cut'.

• Brian : Why don't you find yourself some nice fuzzy lezzy with a therapist license and work it out.

• Brian : I'm sure there are millions of faggots who'd love nothing more than to walk the straight-and-narrow, but I'd sooner die than see Liberty Avenue homogenized and de-homo-ized.

• Brian : [about Monty and Eli thinking Babylon is trashy]  So many couples I speak to these days feel that way. That's why I'm starting Monogamous Mondays.

• Brian Kinney : Yo, bitches - tear each other's hair out later.

• Michael : Your loyalty to Lindsay means more than our friendship?

  Brian Kinney : Don't make this about us, Michael.

• Emmett : Everybody knows I'm terrible judge of character.

  Brian Kinney : Yeah, just look at who he hangs out with!

• Brian Kinney : 'Hey hey ho ho homophobia's got to go.' Gimme a fucking break.

  Michael : So I take it you're not going?

  Brian Kinney : Hell no, I won't go.

• Michael : I'm sure he would go if I wanted him to.

  Brian : Uh-huh.

  Michael : It's true!

  Brian : All right, then make sure he's there.

  Michael : All right, I will.

  Brian : Okay.

  Michael : Okay.

  Brian : Great.

  Michael : Fine.

• Brian Kinney : You know, he's a first. The first almost dead guy I sort of had sex with.

  Michael : You had sex with Ted?

  Emmett : You never had sex with Ted.

  Michael : When did you have sex with...

  Brian Kinney : Sort of sex. At this semi-orgy.